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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting 4 year old have a sip..

153 replies

RoseGardenDreams · 12/08/2018 22:40

of wine! Aibu to be disgusted and upset by this? At a so-called friends house last night and the 4 year old was begging to try some (and said it in a way that means she's clearly tried it before as she said it makes her laugh) and he just let her. I was too shocked to say anything but we made our excuses and left.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 13/08/2018 11:00

I read this to mean she has previously been at least a little bit drunk.Surely this is unacceptable for a 4 year old child?

It could mean that but not necessarily. It may have made her laugh because others were laughing. Either way, I'm not sure it's a good idea. Giving a child alcohol isn't funny.

FinallyHere · 13/08/2018 11:09

no, this drink is just for grown ups"

DH's first taste if alcohol was being taken down the pub and bought a pint by his father on his birthday, it was a big deal and bonding experience. I grew up tasting wine from my parents finger tips, dipped in their glass, then later having a wine glass with what i now realise was mostly water and a teaspoon of wine. Later we had a glass of wine with a meal...

Guess which of us has a strong association with alcohol as a privilege of adulthood and drinks daily.

I strongly believe that making it all about adults-only is counter productive.

Birdsgottafly · 13/08/2018 11:17

""Everyone seems to be missing the part in the OP, where the child said "she likes it because it makes her laugh"""

My three and a half year old GD will often ask me to buy things because "they make her happy/smile/laugh". When she knows they are 'naughty' then she will say that it makes her "laugh/is funny".

Bellyscreen · 13/08/2018 11:20

Feeling disgusted over literally a sip of wine is an overreaction. Maybe you need to consider your past a bit more - if you have these strong reactions it could push your kids to alcohol in the long term.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 13/08/2018 11:22

In other European countries this is the norm and by introducing them to alcohol as they grow, they don't tend to go out and get "smashed like our kids do.

You were being quite unreasonable

ferrier · 13/08/2018 11:34

I have friends who allowed their dc a 'sip' on special occasions from a young age. Then it became a few sips and now they're teens and drink far too much. It just normalises it, gives them a taste for it. It's all been done in a very 'middle class' way and they wouldn't be seen as problem drinkers but the physical effect on them must not be insignificant.

ethelfleda · 13/08/2018 11:34

I wouldn't do something like this but I wouldn't judge someone who did either.

I agree with this:

I'd be more concerned about a 4 year old given coke to be honest as they're more likely to like it and it become incorporated into their diet regularly

But people make what we may consider bad parenting choices all the time. Some are more harmful than others.

I also don't think being allowed/not allowed to try alcohol at a young age has much bearing, if any at all, on attitude towards alcohol when that child becomes an adult. I think alcoholism is probably much, much more complex than that and that a number of factors can influence your attitude to alcohol as you get older.

namechange2pointoh · 13/08/2018 12:12

so you think a law which states that it’s illegal for a 4 year old to have alcohol but ok for a 5 year old is perfectly sensible and reasonable

I never said that. I said the responsibility for upholding the law lies with parents.

Gottagetmoving · 13/08/2018 12:46

We live in a society where many parents over feed their kids with too much sugar and crap food. Too many children are obese so by all means, if you are disgusted every time you see an overweight child being handed sweets or pizza, then it's ok to be disgusted with seeing a child having a sip of alcohol too.
Both are as bad.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 13/08/2018 12:55

Personally, I don't have a problem with a responsible adult allowing a child a sip of wine. But I can see how that might be viewed by others. I have two adult dcs. As children they asked for a sip of wine/beer. Usually on a special occasion such as Christmas, because that tends to be when we have a drink ( we don't tend to drink just for the sake of it). We always allowed them a sip from our glass. When they were a bit older, if they wanted, we would allow them a wine, with lots of lemonade or a weak shandy. They have never seen Dh or I drunk (actually, each of us has only ever been drunk once on our lives) and they have managed to grow up into adults who have also never been drum. One does not drink - doesn't like the taste and the other one will have a beer or two, but finds the whole culture around drinking in his peer group 'boring'and 'pointless'. OTOH, ILs not only allowed their dcs to have a face, but actively encouraged it, to the point of buying alcohol for their young teenage children and engaging in drinking competitions with them, now have adult dcs who only consider a night out 'worth it' if they were so drunk they can't remember it!

On a side note, for those who have felt a need to state the law relating to giving children alcohol, it's only within the past thirty years or so that baby gripe water has changed its formulation so it no longer contains alcohol.

knittingdad · 13/08/2018 12:56

I can't be certain what age my DD was when she first had a taste of wine from my finger. Probably five.

She did like the taste of Crabbies alcoholic ginger beer a bit too much when she used to have a drop in a glass of her own at, um, about ten? But she never had as much as a mouthful at a time and it was a rare thing.

She's sixteen now and refuses any offer of alcohol with dinner.

I think it's important not to make it a big deal, or some secret, forbidden thing. Introduce gradually and under control.

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2018 12:56

France actually has higher levels of alcoholism and higher rates of problem underage drinking than U.K. letting children drink does not encourage good drinking habits - that’s an urban myth.

Mangoo · 13/08/2018 13:06

Oh my, people are actually comparing allowing a child a small sip of wine to offering them a cigarette and a line of cocaine...

LoveInTokyo · 13/08/2018 13:11

France actually has higher levels of alcoholism and higher rates of problem underage drinking than U.K. letting children drink does not encourage good drinking habits - that’s an urban myth.

Do you have a source for that?

I live in France and definitely don't see as much "problem drinking" as I do in the UK.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/08/2018 13:19

I lived and worked on the continent for many years before returning to the U.K. You could almost always correctly guess who were the Brits - mainly the ones staggering around pissed out of their trees. Our European neighbours have a much more sensible attitude towards alcohol than we do.

user1471426142 · 13/08/2018 13:32

I wouldn’t give a 4 year old coke never mind wine. I’m all for phased introduction from the early teenage years but I see no possible benefit of introducing alcohol at such a young age. There’s plenty of things kids want that they shouldn’t have. Saying no to booze at 4 is hardly a big parenting ask.

RedneckStumpy · 13/08/2018 13:36

I wouldn’t se a issue with it.

YeahDefinitelyNameChanging · 13/08/2018 16:35

Love to know what these so called studies were and how performed lol
Then why not read them? I provided sources lol

LakieLady · 13/08/2018 17:03

My brother and I were both allowed diluted alcohol as children: a weak shandy or drop of sherry in some lemonade (I find this a disgusting thought now). My brother was hyperactive to the point that he never slept for more than a couple of hours as a toddler and the GP recommended a few drops of brandy in his last bottle at night to send him to sleep!

Neither of have developed any problems with alcohol.

We were allowed to drink coffee too!

ferrier · 13/08/2018 17:07

so you think a law which states that it’s illegal for a 4 year old to have alcohol but ok for a 5 year old is perfectly sensible and reasonable

Yes. In exactly the same way that the law prohibits other things at arbitrary cut off ages.

And the law prohibits other things that are difficult or nigh on impossible to police. One of the reasons for doing this is because it sends a message to people about what society/lawmakers think is inappropriate.

OftenHangry · 13/08/2018 17:16

My brother used to do this. He wanted to taste from everyone's glass. They often let him. He said he didn't like it and moved onto a person with different drink. He was a curious one.
He is fine, done his masters and has no alcohol issues.
I would be concerned about the laughing comment though.

Celebelly · 13/08/2018 17:21

Just seems like a waste of good wine

OftenHangry · 13/08/2018 17:26

@VladmirsPoutine I have to agree.

I have never seen scenes on the streets Friday night like in UK. It genuinely looks like the goal is to get as smashed as possible and the worse for wear you are the more your mates "admire" you later. If someone got into state like that when I was young (grew up outside of UK) no one would let them forget that. It's considered embarrassing.
Drunk people who piss in the middle of a street and then need an ambulance should be presented with the bill for it afterwards. Imagine how much money would NHS save🙄

LoveInTokyo · 13/08/2018 17:43

My (French) husband and I went into Manchester city centre on a Saturday night and he was appalled. He said he'd seen actual war zones that were more civilised.

DorothyHarris · 13/08/2018 17:46

I grew up in an Italian family, we were allowed to have tiny sips as well, we tried everything. My dad let me taste the foam from his beer. I'm almost teetotal now. I'd let my kids have a tiny taste as well. You're a bit of a drama llama.