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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting 4 year old have a sip..

153 replies

RoseGardenDreams · 12/08/2018 22:40

of wine! Aibu to be disgusted and upset by this? At a so-called friends house last night and the 4 year old was begging to try some (and said it in a way that means she's clearly tried it before as she said it makes her laugh) and he just let her. I was too shocked to say anything but we made our excuses and left.

OP posts:
Halfahunnerstillastunner · 13/08/2018 00:03

flipntwist the beer in the Middle Ages was completely different to what we have now. Much much weaker, it was basically introducing a tiny amount of alcohol in the (often vain) hope of turning filthy water into something that wouldn't poison you quite as much. So not like letting your child drink Stella for breakfast.
And I wouldn't consider the Middle Ages or the 60s as a brilliant example of public health policy.

OkPedro · 13/08/2018 00:05

I'm curious if those that think giving a 4 year old a sip of wine isn't a big deal, would they allow their 4 year old a quick puff on a cigarette?

OkPedro · 13/08/2018 00:07

Oh fuck Stella for breakfast halfahunner
I'm howling Grin

DieAntword · 13/08/2018 00:07

I don’t drink at all since my mid 20s so this whole trying a sip thing won’t be an issue for my kids. However I remember trying a sip of my mums wine, multiple times, as a child and finding it disgusting (a peach fizzy alcoholic drink we won at a raffle and bucksfizz were another matter entirely though). It neither put me off alcohol for life, nor inoculated me against irresponsible drinking (what really put me off irresponsible drinking was getting serious alcohol poisoning on a school trip when we snuck out to Lidl and bought a tonne of vodka, seizing in the night, I’m told, crapping myself, falling down the stairs and severely bruising the inside of my mouth, and having to spend 2 days trying to do an engineering project while still vomiting and extremely hung over after which I came home, collapsed in front of my parents door and spent the next day and night on a rehydration drip at the hospital - getting bladdered just never had the same appeal after that). All it did was teach me I don’t like dry wine.

Laureline · 13/08/2018 00:10

4 seems really young, and the fact it wasn’t the first time they had tried a bit of wine is a bit Hmm.

I’m French so I’m supposed to be very relaxed about alcohol Wink but I would never let my 4 year old sip wine.

gluteustothemaximus · 13/08/2018 00:12

Ah the Middle Ages, a period that still sets the standard for good health practices

😂😂😂

FlipnTwist · 13/08/2018 00:14

flipntwist the beer in the Middle Ages was completely different to what we have now. Much much weaker, it was basically introducing a tiny amount of alcohol in the (often vain) hope of turning filthy water into something that wouldn't poison you quite as much.

Yeah I get that it was much weaker, but it was drunk in much larger quantities than the sip the OP is clutching her pearls about

gluteustothemaximus · 13/08/2018 00:15

Can I just say that I was allowed little sips, which I hated, but then I drank from 13 to 21 regularly hammered/throwing up/binge drinking.

So it didn't put me off.

Would not let a 4 year old try wine. Absolutely pointless.

BlueBug45 · 13/08/2018 00:35

@martinidry it's illegal to give a kid under 5 alcohol. So yes I would tell the parent off. I've told parents off for doing other silly things which could have ended up being dangerous to their child and explaining why it was dangerous.

As another PP pointed out current research states it isn't a good idea to give children under 18 any alcohol so I would not want my friend to say they did that to a HCP, SS or a teacher then have it used against them if they ever had issues with their child just because of their ignorance of the law.

Btw unlike the OP I don't get disgusted and upset I just realise that lots of people just don't know these things. Oh and I've been told off as well.

CrystalMazing · 13/08/2018 01:03

I agree with you OP that there is no need to give such a young child alcohol and I'd be disgusted too. Unfortunately those of us whose lives have been touched by alcoholism are far more concerned about the dangers than those who haven't.

CaptainCabinets · 13/08/2018 02:44

What an overreaction! Confused

He let his child have a tiny sip of wine, it’s not like he encouraged her to neck a bottle of absinthe ffs.

Also lmao at the suggestion upthread that as alcohol is a drug, it’s on par with giving the kid a line of coke. Presumably that poster doesn’t give their child Calpol?

The sanctimonious perfect parents are out tonight!

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 13/08/2018 02:49

It's illegal to give children under five alcohol. So no YANBU. Personally I take no issue with older children having watered down wine with a meal, but I'm talking around 10 and upwards and very watered down.

Broussard · 13/08/2018 03:23

Illegal, some risks depending on how much of a sip , no benefits. YANBU

What risks would that be exactly?

Broussard · 13/08/2018 03:24

As another PP pointed out current research states it isn't a good idea to give children under 18 any alcohol

Bollocks. Some research suggests (not states) that, other research suggests the exact opposite.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/08/2018 04:00

Its illegal and has been for over a century. While a sip once that puts them off might end up being a service, at 4 they are too young to be trying it any other way, so a strict no drinking policy will do them even more good. If a 4 year old does have a sip and likes it and badgers you for more each time (which you give) it is setting up for drinking problems later.

olivesandcheesef · 13/08/2018 04:23

I think you have massively overreacted.
What exactly are the risks of one sip of wine, there’s probably more alcohol content in some recipes that are cooked. I always put a dash of red in boleganise sauce, and my three year old eats it!

Yes I wouldn’t allow him to sip wine directly, but you know what some parents are doing much more harmful things like stuffing their dc full of junk food. No one ever seems to post about leaving their friends house In disgust after seeing this, yet there is plenty evidence to prove this is very harmful.

ScrubTheDecks · 13/08/2018 04:54

I never let mine ‘have a sip’ or let them taste champagne at Christmas etc, didn’t see the point, think children need to understand it’s for grown ups, and didn’t want them to get used to the taste.

Never made a big deal of it, just didn’t ever set it up as something to want to do, and they didn’t ask.

However leaving your friends house was an over reaction, and as you say probably signals how raw your feelings still are.

If she is a good enough friend, tell her that it triggered stuff for you. She will have noticed your awkward and swift departure. Trust her to understand and do NOT give her any views in what she should or should not do.

SylvanianFrenemies · 13/08/2018 08:31

I think your feelings are understandable given your own experiences, but it is a bit of an overreaction.

It was only a taste, presumably to satisfy childish curiosity. It would be a different story if it was an entire actual alcoholic drink. I wouldn't do it myself (unlikely to come up as I can't drink and DP doesn't often drink in front of the kids) but I think it would be a mistake to place any great significance in giving a child a single sip of wine if there are no other concerns.

SylvanianFrenemies · 13/08/2018 08:36

The alcohol-cigarette thing is a false equivalence.

It is possible to drink alcohol regularly without becoming addicted.
Tobacco is more harmful than small amounts of alcohol.

Most people would expect that their children will sometimes consume alcohol when adults. Cigarettes would be much more of a problem.

SerenDippitty · 13/08/2018 08:53

In the middle ages, beer was a staple for everyone from babies upwards.

Would have been extremely weak beer, “small beer”. Water was not safe to drink.

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2018 09:02

It’s appalling behaviour and very shabby parenting. It normalises young and underage drinking. It was done to amuse boorish adults at child’s expense.
Children need to know some things are for adults and they need to wait to experience them. We do our children a huge disservice by allowing and encouraging them into adult activity too soon.

BlueBug45 · 13/08/2018 09:13

@Broussard if a small kid has too much alcohol they risk low blood sugar as well as having a depressed central nervous system, which means they can have seizures and go into a coma.

As how much alcohol an adult can tolerate varies from person to person, the same occurs in kids so what amount is fine for one may not be fine for another.

Laiste · 13/08/2018 09:30

If it was a 4 year old having a sip of neat JD or Absinthe or similar i might be a bit concerned. Bit OTT.

Sip of wine? Nah I wouldn't worry. Chances are they'll hate it and that's the end of it.

I'd be more concerned about a 4 year old given coke to be honest as they're more likely to like it and it become incorporated into their diet regularly.

On the subject of encouraging/discouraging alcoholism or excitement about alcohol: i think 100s of other factors will be at play than giving a 4 year old a sip of something.

My dad enjoyed alcohol (pub once a week) and would always let me try anything on the premise that i'd have tried it all and wouldn't go out on benders. I got to 15 and went out on benders. Normal stuff. Getting pissed in my 20s. Lightweight from then on. Take it or leave it now.

My DH was always given a try of anything on the premise that he'd not go out on benders. He got to 15 and went out on benders. Then became an alcoholic by his mid 20s :( He's recovered now - late 30s. His mother (lovely otherwise) is obsessed with having a bloody 'drinky' and still presses him to have some Hmm

Laiste · 13/08/2018 09:32

Should add to my case study - 3 of my DDs are adults and were always allowed to try a sip when small. They can't be arsed with drinking at all when out 99% of the time.

Suewiang · 13/08/2018 09:35

Love to know what these so called studies were and how performed lol