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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting 4 year old have a sip..

153 replies

RoseGardenDreams · 12/08/2018 22:40

of wine! Aibu to be disgusted and upset by this? At a so-called friends house last night and the 4 year old was begging to try some (and said it in a way that means she's clearly tried it before as she said it makes her laugh) and he just let her. I was too shocked to say anything but we made our excuses and left.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 12/08/2018 23:11

Some people are just crap parents. And parents who allow their preschool children to have sips of wine fall into that category.
How would they respond if the 4 year old asked for a puff of a cigarette?
Or a sniff of a line of cocaine?
Alcohol is a drug.

Popc0rn · 12/08/2018 23:11

I'd find it really odd if one of my friends gave their 4 year old a sip of wine. Kids aged 7 plus having a tiny sip I guess I wouldn't find so weird - I don't know why 7 specifically, but younger than that seems way too young to me.

Surprised the majority of people on here are saying it's fine tbh.

NC4Now · 12/08/2018 23:11

If it’s only a sip it’s no big deal to me.

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 12/08/2018 23:12

I just think it's so wrong and completely pointless

Some people think it benefits children to see alcohol being consumed in a responsible way, to be socialised into seeing drink consumed moderately with food, with them joining in by having a very little - rather than it being seen as this forbidden but exciting rite of passage and their first experiences being bing drinking. The idea being they will hopefully develop a responsible attitude to it in a family context.

I'm not saying this is necessarily true! But in a context that doesn't include problem drinking, I can see this does have a certain logic to it.

I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with the fallout of alcoholism as a child Flowers

PoesyCherish · 12/08/2018 23:13

Meh I can't see the problem and think you massively overreacted. Most children would dislike the taste any way. As a PP said, it's far better you don't turn it into a huge adult thing where they will only seek it out anyway.

cdtaylornats · 12/08/2018 23:15

I hope you never let your children eat bread. Or any cut fruit that has been exposed to the air. Anything with sugar, moisture and exposed to air will get yeast growing and creating alcohol.

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 12/08/2018 23:17

I'm with you OP in that it seems stupid and frankly pointless - why on earth would a 4 year old need to be put off or to taste alcohol? Surely most sensible parents would just tell them something like "no, this drink is just for grown ups" and that's the end of it? There's just no reason such a young child needs any exposure physically or emotionally to the taste or effects of alcohol. Or to normalise having what is basically a poisonous, toxic substance (I do love a glass of wine myself, I'm certainly not a shouty tee totaller by any means, but my own 2 day hangovers leave me in no doubt what too much of the nice tasting stuff does to us. And a 4 year old cannot process the toxins as an adult does).

I think being "disgusted and upset" is a very strong reaction but given your history of experiencing the vast damage it can do growing up with an alcoholic parent, I can understand your emotional and visceral reaction to this situation.

We drink too much overall as a nation, well documented. Huge strain on nations health and huge strain on NHS, police, social workers etc etc dealing with the health and social issues arising from misuse of alcohol. Absolutely no need to start the next generation on the booze quite so soon!

YeahDefinitelyNameChanging · 12/08/2018 23:18

There’s a mistaken belief that letting younger children have sips of alcohol on rare occasions at home reduces the risk of a bad relationship with alcohol when they’re older. Studies have shown that not only is this incorrect, but this sort of early introduction to drinking is a good predictor of decelopin a bad relationship with alcohol.

People mean well but it’s misguided.

neveradullmoment99 · 12/08/2018 23:18

I grew up with wine at the table [Italian family] We were often given wine diluted with water or lemonade. I never really liked wine as a child and none of my brothers or myself really like alcohol or are drinkers. My gran used to take wine and water to school [In Italy] I don't see it a big deal at all. Wine was always served with food though.

namechange2pointoh · 12/08/2018 23:18

I hope you never let your children eat bread. Or any cut fruit that has been exposed to the air. Anything with sugar, moisture and exposed to air will get yeast growing and creating alcohol.

Haha

user1495390685 · 12/08/2018 23:19

I wouldn't have been happy either, OP. I wouldn't go back there. Your friend should have explained why it is not appropriate. As a PP said, their bodies are not ready for this, it's actually harmful. This site says it is illegal to give alcohol to children under 5:

www.gov.uk/alcohol-young-people-law

PlatypusPie · 12/08/2018 23:19

Disgusted and upset and leaving in a huff ? Your backstory of your mother gives some explanation for your over reaction but making the fuss is going to make more of an impression on your child than simply moving on and downplaying it. You could have a simple conversation with your child later about it being something that adults do and it’s not for children , repeating that as they get older with more details and then discussing sensible alcohol behaviour as they get into adolescence. A flat no is just going to make it appealing to the older child.

I assume you either do not drink yourself or have a sensible pattern of consumption that your child can observe .

wentmadinthecountry · 12/08/2018 23:20

So good that real life people seem so much more normal than people on MN. No, not ideal but not a big thing either.

OP, I can see your mum colours your view, but really, you need to get a grip.

My older 3 are adults -may have had the odd sip at that age (maybe not, but who remembers/cares now?) and are not raging alcoholics.

Seriously, some of you people should just get on with having fun, not over analysing every single thing.

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 12/08/2018 23:21

The child is 4.
Not a 12-14 year old being introduced with a watered down glass of wine with a family meal or special celebration.

I'm so surprised that so many on this thread are being all "cool" about this. Hmm
PoesyCherish · 12/08/2018 23:21

Studies have shown that not only is this incorrect, but this sort of early introduction to drinking is a good predictor of decelopin a bad relationship with alcohol

That's interesting. Do you have any sources for those studies? I would be really interested in reading around the area.

Thankfully DSD is 6 and has never even remotely shown an interest in trying our alcohol. But then she's also slightly odd in that she doesn't like pop, squash or any other drink that's not water or milk Smile

Smellbellina · 12/08/2018 23:22

I personally am not disgusted but would tell the parent off
Really?? Have you ever actually done this?

YeahDefinitelyNameChanging · 12/08/2018 23:24

@PoseyCherish

This article summarizes a few
buffalonews.com/2018/02/24/harmless-or-not-when-parents-offer-kids-a-sip-of-alcohol/

And a NYT articles with a link to the study included:
well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/04/25/offering-kids-a-taste-of-alcohol/

heartsease68 · 12/08/2018 23:41

I was always allowed to have a sip of sherry. It put me off for life.

Original poster
RoseGardenDreams · 12/08/2018 23:41

I didn't leave in a huff and I didn't let my dd know how I felt about it, other than firmly telling my friends dd that my dd wouldn't be trying it when she was trying to encourage her to. There was no storming off or anything like that.. I just felt uncomfortable staying there and so we left shortly after. I'm not saying that children who have sips of wine are going to turn into alcoholics - I just think that letting a child try alcohol is equivalent to letting them put a cigarette in their mouth which (who knows judging by the reactions on this thread) is obviously unacceptable and wrong.

OP posts:
TallTilly · 12/08/2018 23:45

Wtf? I have a 3.5 year old. It just wouldn’t occur to me to give her a sip of wine Hmm it might not be harmful but it’s simply not appropriate.

They don’t have to be given everything they ask for, you know.

FlipnTwist · 12/08/2018 23:48

Their bodies are simply too small to metabolise it effectively and it could poison them.
In the middle ages, beer was a staple for everyone from babies upwards.
In the 60s/70s adding a dash of brandy to a baby's bottle was not uncommon.
I think you were very rude and sanctimonious to your friend and she is well shot of you,

NC4Now · 12/08/2018 23:48

It’s obviously not great, and in the wider context it’s worth mentioning to your mate that it isn’t something you would do, and why.
I wouldn’t make a scene over it though. I’d see it as a different parenting style to mine.

YeahDefinitelyNameChanging · 12/08/2018 23:51

In the middle ages, beer was a staple for everyone from babies upwards.
Ah the Middle Ages, a period that still sets the standard for good health practices.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 13/08/2018 00:02

Hahahaha. Not the reaction to your thread that you were expecting, eh, OP?

Don't worry... Fear not... The "alcohol is the devil to children" crowd will be along soon to reassure you.

[I LOVE AIBU!!! I absolutely love it. It's my fave place on MN; and one of the reasons I love it is the totally different answers you often get to the same question, and then the inevitable threads about the bonkers-ness of it later]

OkPedro · 13/08/2018 00:03

yeahdefinitely pmsl Grin
The middle ages were a great time to be alive!