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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL has not vaccinated my nieces

999 replies

Pittcuecothecookbook · 12/08/2018 19:49

My baby has been booked in for her vaccinations soon. I asked my sister in law, who has primary school aged kids, about the experience and I was flabbergasted when she said she didn't get their jabs. I can't quite believe it!

When I asked why, she said the risks outweighed the pros but she struggled to articulate what the risks were beyond 'potential death'. I said that that was also the downside of not getting the jabs too! She said she was persuaded when her friend said that the jabs couldn't be undone if her kids had a reaction.

AIBU to be shocked and quite disappointed about this? I'm not looking forward to it by any means, but the eradication of many awful diseases and protection against those still prevalent is surely a non negotiable?

When her kids don't get these diseases, she'll be vindicated but that will likely be because the majority have had their jabs rather than proving jabs were unnecessary.

I imagine I'll get over this - my child will be protected - but I'm just Shock at hearing this news.

OP posts:
Suewiang · 13/08/2018 09:45

According to the NHS website it’s 91 percent that are vaccinated so you can probably take another 10 percent off to cover those that are not known either way about from immigration etc so that means it’s between 80 and 90 percent not vaccinated. Actually less than I thought it would be if the figures are not the normal government manipulated ones that is.

beeefcake · 13/08/2018 09:47

There is currently a resurgence of measles in the EU because of ignorant, selfish people like your SIL and brother.

It's not a personal choice, it impacts others. Some children (and adults) have immune disorders and cannot be vaccinated- they rely on herd immunity. The reason unvaccinated people haven't caught anything nasty yet is because of herd immunity, which is sadly depleting because parents spend an evening on Facebook and think they know more than their doctors.

It's a sad, sorry state of affairs.

LakieLady · 13/08/2018 10:06

Most of the problem of the anti-vaxxers is that they have never seen a child suffering from these avoidable diseases that devastate children's lives.

Absolutely. I've had measles, mumps and rubella and the first 2 made me really ill. My mother was terrified when I had measles, I got chest, eye and ear infections and the doctor was visiting 3 times a day. They were (I'm told) discussing whether I should be admitted to hospital when I woke up and asked for a marmalade sandwich, which was taken as a sign that I was over the worst. Grin That GP, a family friend, had seen numerous children die of meningitis caused by measles (also of complications of diphtheria).

I had already started my periods when I had mumps and the GP insisted that I remain in bed for 3 weeks to reduce the risk of infertility.

Smallpox has been eradicated, polio almost eradicated (34 cases in 3 countries in 2016, down from 350,000 cases in 124 countries in 1988, the year the WHO started its global campaign of innoculation).

Diphtheria is much reduced now, with most cases arising in Asia. But it can recur: there was an epidemic in the Russian Federation in the early 90s, because of disruption in the vax programme caused by the break-up of the Soviet Union, so we can never afford to be complacent.

It would fantastic if measles, mumps & rubella went the way of smallpox.

RedNed · 13/08/2018 10:07

My cousin, a highly educated woman, decided not to vaccinate her dc.

Until she had to send them to a state school in Aus (they were private for the first few years) as they need their vaccinations to be enrolled.

LakieLady · 13/08/2018 10:11

People who don't vaccinate usually research it quite thoroughly

No amount of research can counteract idiocy and selfishness.

It's not a personal matter, it's a public health issue.

FunkyHeroCat · 13/08/2018 10:19

Suewiang please tell me how, or why the government would manipulate the figures. I mean actual facts, not some kind of conspiracy theory.

Someone I've worked with works at a very high level in Public Health England, she's very sharp, I would say incorruptable, a recognised world expert in her field, a generally decent human being, and is one of the people in charge of release of the figures. Accusing her, or any of the team under her of somehow trying to cook the figures is pretty laughable.

I'm always amazed by the number of scientists and doctors in the pay of pharmaceuticals companies to cook the books somehow. Scientists are generally pretty boring!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 13/08/2018 10:20

I despair of anti vaxxers who've "done their research".
Have you really? Have you spent a long time looking up what the diseases the vaccines are for actually are?
I have. There's a picture of children (I think it's on the Wikipedia article) with facial paralysis from polio. It's haunting.
Why on earth would you leave your child at risk, even a small risk?
I have no patience for anti vaxxers. None at all.

LakieLady · 13/08/2018 10:20

*"I never had any

I am not dead." Luck rather than judgment *

Lol, I rode pillion on motorbikes without a crash helmet without ever getting anything worse than tangled hair.

It still gives me the shudders when I think how stupid I was, or see others doing it in countries where helmets aren't compulsory. At least I would only have harmed myself though, not others, in the way that not vaxing can.

FunkyHeroCat · 13/08/2018 10:22

I'm always amazed by the number of scientists and doctors in the pay of pharmaceuticals companies to cook the books somehow.

Just in case it wasn't obvious, that was tongue in cheek - I don't know anyone who's in the pay of anyone apart from the body they work for!

Pinkvoid · 13/08/2018 10:37

I want to say I’m surprised people still believe the MMR bullshit two decades on after the doctor’s ‘findings’ were completely discredited but I’m not. I’m not surprised because there’s people in the world who believe the Earth is flat, the Holocaust didn’t happen and that big scary Jews run the world Hmm.

I don’t understand why anyone would reject something that could potentially save their child’s life purely because of absolute bullshit they have read on the internet. Keyboard warriors watching moronic YouTube videos and taking them as gospel.

Original poster
Pittcuecothecookbook · 13/08/2018 11:17

I am drafting an email to my bro and sil to explain my stance and ask them whether they would confuse vaccinating their children. My SIL is carer for two elderly relatives and the children visit the relatives daily and at weekends so I think I need to carefully broach this with them, and hopefully influence then to reconsider. I'm hoping it didn't end in tears though I imagine it will...

OP posts:
Suewiang · 13/08/2018 11:42

Sounds to me like you enjoy poking your nose in to something nothing to do with you

beeefcake · 13/08/2018 11:44

@Suewiang google herd immunity. Then say it has nothing to do with anyone else.

Plimmy · 13/08/2018 12:03

Sounds to me like you enjoy poking your nose in to something nothing to do with you

Anti-vax selfish fools put us all at risk.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 13/08/2018 17:08

Good luck op, you have to do the best for your child.

bellinisurge · 13/08/2018 17:13

@Suewiang it has everything to do with immunocompromised people like me. The SIL is a selfish entitled ....

AlphaBravo · 13/08/2018 17:15

OP you're a nosey mare really aren't you? If you were my sil I'd be telling you where to shove it. It is their decision regardless of what you think, and I'm pro vax!

Tir3dandhungry10 · 13/08/2018 17:20

I know a couple of people who had polio. I had measles and chicken pox when I was a child. I would much rather have the vaccination, than the illness. However, we live with our choices

LakieLady · 13/08/2018 17:43

I wish the chickenpox vaccine had been around when I was a child.

I got it when I was 36 or 37 and it made me ill for weeks. And for a few years afterwards I had recurrent attacks of shingles and now suffer from post-herpetic neuralgia.

I hope the NHS start giving the vaccine soon.

bastardkitty · 13/08/2018 17:47

YABU for the title and the general tone of your posts. Also beating up on your SIL, which other posters have already picked you up on.

Fortybingowings · 13/08/2018 17:52

Personally my response would be along the lines of “Gosh how irresponsible of you. I’d not be able to live with myself if that sort of decision led to my child becoming seriously unwell with a preventable illness” Followed by” Kindly stay away from my house and my own kids”

bastardkitty · 13/08/2018 17:55

That wouldn't be a difficult ask if you spoke like that

YouCantStopTheSignal · 13/08/2018 18:04

Unless yiu want to cause a huge family argument, all you can say in the situation is that you'll be keeping your DC away from their DC until your DC have had all of their vaccinations as you don't want to risk them catching anything from their unvaccinated DC. Much as you think they are selfish and wrong for not vaccinating, and I do think there are debates to be had around mandatory vaccination, it's not really your place to urge them to change their position if you want to continue having a close relationship with them.

YouCantStopTheSignal · 13/08/2018 18:12

I don't always agree with my brother's parenting style or choices and I will sometimes say to him (never in front of the DC) that I think he was a bit harsh or a bit unfair, I also say when I think he's handled something really well. He does the same for me. Our DC are fairly close in age so we often look to each other for advice/support. However I would never try to influence his decisions or urge him to change them and I think that's where you're overstepping the boundary. So I may say to my brother "do you think taking away her tablet for the full week was a bit harsh?" but I'd never follow it up with "I think you should give it back and just ground her for the afternoon instead". By all means say to your brother that you're worried about the risk to your DC but I can guarantee you'll start an argument if you then say they should go get them vaccinated.

ThistleAmore · 13/08/2018 18:45

I personally know two people who were directly affected by the unavailability or deliberate withholding of vaccines.

My father-in-law, who is only in his early 70s, is a polio survivor, and has a withered leg as a result. Hearing stories about his 'recovery' and what it entailed would bring tears to your eyes.

A friend and former colleague contracted whooping cough in his late 20s a couple of years ago, and was extremely ill. He was FURIOUS to learn that he caught it from an unvaccinated child, because he wasn't vaccinated as a child either (a fact he only learned when his parents apparently guiltily put their hands up).

It took him about six months to a year to fully recover, missing a lot of work during that time, and his lungs are now permenantly scarred.

I missed my BCG as a young teenager (Service brat), but caught up when I was at university (it hurt like a b*tch, but it is what it is).

People who don't vaccinate their children or themselves are stupid, selfish fools.