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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think suicidal ideation is almost normal?

192 replies

crunchymint · 12/08/2018 18:00

By ideation I mean thinking of suicide, but making no real plans. I suspect that most people at some point in their lives, have vague suicidal thoughts. And although it is horrible to be distressed, I also suspect this is part of the human condition.
Obviously health professionals try and assess those with vague thoughts of suicide, from those who really are suicidal, and the latter need treatment and support.
AIBU to think this?

OP posts:
NoTractorsAtTheTable · 12/08/2018 18:38

I think it's quite normal - to have a plan and a (theoretical) escape route - a "what if" is a very big "if" in most cases. I think I probably err on the side of more ideation than non-ideation (if that's a thing) though.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/08/2018 18:39

" it devastates the lives of others."

Some people feel suicidal because nobody cares about them. Not everyone has loved ones.

I don't see how it's cowardly. I think it would require a lot of courage. I don't think I could ever do it, no matter how bad my life got. I've never thought about it seriously and I tend to fantasise about just running away sometimes before I realise I'd still have to work to live.

DownButNotOut1 · 12/08/2018 18:39

I think it's completely normal.

Not sure that my thoughts of fantasising that I'll get hurt enough for a stint in hospital so that I can get out of daily responsibilities for a while is normal though!

GoneWishing · 12/08/2018 18:40

FWIW, I've never tried to kill myself and have no intention of doing so! But especially when I was unwell and younger, it was almost like a comforting thought to keep in my mind: if things get too bad, there's an out. I sometimes catch that automatic thought at the back of my mind still, but I don't give it much air time.

haribosmarties · 12/08/2018 18:42

'those who are to be counted as suicides by the very nature of their beings are many, perhaps a majority, who never in fact lay hands upon themselves. […] But just as there are those who at the least indisposition develop a fever, so do those whom we call suicides, and who are always very emotional and sensitive, develop at the least shock the notion of suicide. […] All suicides are familiar with the struggle against the temptation of suicide. Every one of them knows very well in some corner of his soul that suicide, though a way out, is rather a mean and shabby one, and that it is nobler and finer to be felled by life than by one’s own hand.”

Quote from Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse about people who think of killing themselves to comfort themselves, but never actually mean to do it

Charley50 · 12/08/2018 18:42

I've never seen my brother's suicide as cowardly, or even selfish. He was mentally ill and suffering terribly.
I found it really upsetting if anyone said or implied that to me.
I sometimes wish I just wasn't here anymore. Then I think I've got so many places I could visit, or alternative lives I could build.

MissusGeneHunt · 12/08/2018 18:42

I'm so glad others think it's not cowardice. Thank you. It's not a black and white, our feelings are all different, and we should all be respected for that. Isn't that what Dignitas is about? There was a BBC article about a young lady with severe MH issues who did the same, recently. Brave, brave lady.

ButchyRestingFace · 12/08/2018 18:43

In times of extreme sadness and stress, I've found the knowledge that suicide is always there as an option to be quite comforting. To know that if things ever get so terrible, there would be a way out.

After one particularly awful bereavement, the knowledge that I could always kill myself if I didn't start to feel better cheered me up considerably and helped me keep going.

Obviously I've never taken that route, and hopefully I never will, but yes, I've certainly experienced suicidal ideation.

MrsSarahSiddons · 12/08/2018 18:44

Very normal, imo.
Already have plans if I am ever diagnosed with MND or Alzheimers and have the means to do it.

Grasslands · 12/08/2018 18:45

Thoughts that being dead would be easier than facing/dealing with really challenging situations is normal. Having a plan (euthanasia) rather than facing certain degenerative diseases is normal. A plan (coil of rope, practicing knots) a set beyond normal.

AnoukSpirit · 12/08/2018 18:45

Any death devastates the lives of others. That is the nature of death.

Describing suicide as cowardly, etc etc is pure ignorance.

chirpyburbycheapsheep · 12/08/2018 18:46

I assume those who believe suicide is 'cowardly' also believe that euthanasia for those in unbearable physical pain is also 'cowardly' and that those people should also stay alive, whatever their suffering, for the sake of others. To believe that those who have been neglected and abused in childhood to the point of incurable 'mental illness' are cowardly for wishing to escape a life of pain is remarkable.

I believe those who believe suicide is cowardly are supremely privileged in that they have not suffered such unbearable emotional pain that death is the only release. I refer you to this case of euthanasia of a 29 yr old. To think that anyone can call her cowardly is remarkable in their ignorance.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-45117163

I cannot answer the OP's question however. I know it is normal for me.

Sparklingbrook · 12/08/2018 18:47

I find it being described as 'cowardly' offensive too. Angry

I have not had suicidal thoughts, but have had ones involving getting in the car and driving far, far away or flying off where the upsetting things aren't happening. Trying to get away.

LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 18:49

I think it's more common than people might think but rarely said because anyone who thinks it worries about worrying or triggering others.

namechanger86 · 12/08/2018 18:50

I thought it was pretty common, I've had both types of thoughts.
When I was a teenager and going through a court case for abuse I genuinely considered it, I thought about what I would write in a letter to my mum etc although I never actually thought about how I might do it.

Later in life I've had fleeting thoughts like what would happen if I suddenly drove off this bridge etc. I've also had fleeting thoughts where I imagine myself at close family members funerals and who might be there what would we say. These thoughts tend to upset me a lot more than thought of my own death, so I think the thoughts I had when younger were because of the difficulties I was going through at that time and the perceived lack of support I had. So we're indicative that I needed help/counselling etc (Catholic family and sexual abuse really don't mix, so was never able to talk things through with anyone)

The latter I think are more normal thoughts and just highlight why you're alive and your purpose, what's important to you etc I thought everyone had these thoughts at some point or other?!

GoatWithACoat · 12/08/2018 18:50

Common, yes. Who’s to say what’s ‘normal’. Loads of people think it even if the majority don’t.

speakout · 12/08/2018 18:51

This reply has been deleted

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TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 12/08/2018 18:52

My DMum killed herself. She was no coward. She was in exquisite pain day and night that overdoses of morphine didn't touch. Her father was a man of God and told her that if she committed suicide she would not go to heaven. She still did it. I consider that brave as fuck not cowardly. To call suicidalists cowardly is to use a very ignorant standpoint on a very complex issue.

HeresMe · 12/08/2018 18:52

As someone suffering mental illness at moment I really hope this isn't normal, I don't want it to be most people are feeling this way and I don't think they are.

And calling people cowards for suicide, I'm sorry it's so offensive it hurts, you don't know what that person is going through, and the reasons, the person may have thought the world was better without them, or just dont want to keep going on.

haribosmarties · 12/08/2018 18:53

speakout thats a very nasty thing to say. Lots of people who kill themselves are very ill and do not/can not see things clearly.

starzig · 12/08/2018 18:53

I'm with you OP. My mind always thinks of (as well as many other things including violence and murder). I just put it down to a bit of active imagination / bit of a daydreamer etc... These are completely different to intention / real life planning.

LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 18:54

I don't think it's cowardly at all either btw.

starzig · 12/08/2018 18:54

Sorry missed the word suicide before brackets

HeresMe · 12/08/2018 18:55

Speakout

*Of course it is cowardly.

Inflicting such pain to others is a hateful thing to do.*

Fuck off and go a bit further and fuck off again.

You have no understanding.

DN4GeekinDerby · 12/08/2018 18:55

Intrusive thoughts are more common than often portrayed. For some people those include suicidal ideation like 'I could hang from myself from that' or 'if I fell from here, I'd likely die', others these random out of the blue thoughts are more like 'if I tossed my phone out the window, it would smash'. I've read somewhere the theory that it's kinda a blip in the brain's threat response giving us an accurate though absurd cause and effect warning but I don't think we really know why it happens.

Frequent suicidal ideation is a red flag for several things but in general, the brain is weird and sometimes weird thoughts come out. I think the frequency and the sensations connected to them and if there are sudden changes tell more than just the words and images our minds comes up with similar to how I think of dreams.