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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think suicidal ideation is almost normal?

192 replies

crunchymint · 12/08/2018 18:00

By ideation I mean thinking of suicide, but making no real plans. I suspect that most people at some point in their lives, have vague suicidal thoughts. And although it is horrible to be distressed, I also suspect this is part of the human condition.
Obviously health professionals try and assess those with vague thoughts of suicide, from those who really are suicidal, and the latter need treatment and support.
AIBU to think this?

OP posts:
SealSong · 12/08/2018 18:24

It's not at all unusual to think about suicide, just as it's not unusual to think about any manner of things. Doesn't mean that occasional passing thoughts have to be a concern or necessarily relate to any risk.
Just cos some of you on here don't experience suicidal thoughts doesn't mean that it's not normal for others to do so.

There is a difference, of course, between passing occasional thoughts of suicide which are not overly distressing and do not lead to any self harm or elevated risk, and more persistent thoughts which might indicate actual risk - clearly if the latter, people should seek help.

Original poster
crunchymint · 12/08/2018 18:24

Jam I don't hear voices, but have read research that it is more common than it used to be thought, and often is not linked to mental illness.

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 12/08/2018 18:25

Lots of people think about, very few people seriously. Hollywood has romanticised the idea some what.

Glumglowworm · 12/08/2018 18:26

Nobody can say whether “everybody” has those thoughts.

Nobody is in anyone else’s head.

If you’ve never had those thoughts then it’s easy to think hardly anyone does.

If you’ve always had those thoughts then it’s easy to think most people do.

Rents · 12/08/2018 18:28

I've always believed it was normal...just that it wasn't talked about.

Mine is less that I want to kill myself more that I simply wish to not exist.

I have only ever spoken to my Mum and best friend about it. My Mum thinks it's normally my friend didn't

Keepithidden · 12/08/2018 18:28

Normal for me. I have a plan and everything. Doubt I'll go through with it in the foreseeable future, DCs to think of. Nonetheless it's comforting for me to be able to plan my own way out.

FWIW I have thought about it regularly for the last 25+ of my 40+years on this planet!

Waitingonasmiley42 · 12/08/2018 18:28

I always assumed most people have thought about it at some point. I certainly have.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/08/2018 18:30

How incredibly sad, keepithidden. Haven’t things ever gotten any better for you?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/08/2018 18:31

It depends on what you mean by “thoughts”, though. Suicidal ideation suggests an unusual level of preoccupation with the idea, not just a passing muse.

Aridane · 12/08/2018 18:32

Suicide is violent and cowardly.

I find that quite offensive.

haribosmarties · 12/08/2018 18:32

This is interesting.. perhaps its like how some people like to watch horror films and find them cathartic etc.... and some people just find them distressing and cant see why anyone would get anything out of them

MsFrizzle · 12/08/2018 18:32

I find it completely normal. I just...don't want to be here.

Keepithidden · 12/08/2018 18:32

I don't find it sad. I find it comforting. An eject button, or reset switch almost.

Pinkdonkey · 12/08/2018 18:33

When you are suicidal you are desperate and not thinking straight at all, you can't judge someone's actions in that state of mind by 'normal standard's because they are not thinking rationally at all. When I was suicidal I didn't want to die or leave my family, I just didn't believe there was another option.

I think suicidal idiation is very common, but then I also believe that most people have mental health problems at some point in their lives. I also think that we accept the way we think and feel is 'normal' because that's what we know and actually I don't think this is 'normal ' I think that these thought are a warning to us that something is wrong and needs to change.

Deadheadstickeronacadillac · 12/08/2018 18:33

I asked my husband this as I think about suicide every day...he looked at me a bit oddly and said no it wasn't normal.
Fortunately he knows my mental health well (BPD and bipolar) so didn't freak out.

MsFrizzle · 12/08/2018 18:33

How can it not be cowardly? It’s the very definition of cowardice

Do you know how frightening it is to get to a point where you realise you want to die? The human body wants to live. It's certainly not cowardly, it's a desperation to end the agony.

MrHoolieswaistcoat · 12/08/2018 18:33

I’m a mental health nurse and suicidal ideation is very common amongst people with any kind of mental health problem.
However, as has been said, there is a huge difference between fleeting thoughts and actually attempting suicide.
What Rents is describing is known as passive suicidal ideation ie people don’t have thoughts of actually killing themselves but will talk about hoping that they don’t wake up in the morning or just don’t want to exist anymore.

AliceGoot · 12/08/2018 18:35

I've never really understood the whole "don't do it because it hurts other people" thing.
Why live your whole life by and for the feelings of others? Personally I feel it's a massive burden to ensure my DH, kids, parents are all happy. I don't know what my happiness is when I'm worrying about not upsetting them.

And OP those thoughts are totally normal to me. My psychotherapist describes it in terms of being an answer when nothing else solves the problem. I'm comforted that I can always die in order to escape.

ivykaty44 · 12/08/2018 18:35

I have never had these thought. Have great empathy with both suicide victims and there loved ones, have experienced suicide and worked for many years with coroners records

GoneWishing · 12/08/2018 18:35

The wiki on it claims it's only 3.7% of the US population, which I don't believe. I do wonder if in the USA people are less likely to talk about their ideation, though, as just mentioning it can make a professional commit into hospital (at least that's what following the professionals on www.reddit.com/r/psychotherapy/ has lead me to believe!), where in the UK it's really not seen as a big thing by MH professionals, in my experience (although my experiences are happily now quite old). Much more of a "you want to die sometimes? hah, don't we all!" style...

AynRandTheObjectivist · 12/08/2018 18:36

I've always thought it was normal too, although I certainly think it's better if you haven't had such thoughts.

Deadheadstickeronacadillac · 12/08/2018 18:36

@Keepithidden Snap! But I won't if you won't!
I always liken it to a missing tooth...every so often you poke at it to check...

Gingerninj · 12/08/2018 18:37

I've thought more along the lines of what would happen if i did commit suicide or wouldn't it be easier than doing this or going through this, i knew it wouldn't be but it's just vague thoughts, not meaning i actually wanted to

RiddleyW · 12/08/2018 18:37

What Rents is describing is known as passive suicidal ideation ie people don’t have thoughts of actually killing themselves but will talk about hoping that they don’t wake up in the morning or just don’t want to exist anymore.

I had this when I had PND but I didn’t know that’s what it’s called. I used to push the pram around hoping a truck would hit us. I never thought about helping things along though. It was weird.

I’m all better now thank goodness.

museumum · 12/08/2018 18:37

I consider myself very lucky that my life has never been so bad that killing myself would be in any way preferable. Not even close.

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