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This wasn't flirting... help I need some perspective

528 replies

peoniepants · 12/08/2018 01:39

I’m at my wits end and feeling desperate.

My husband is acting like a right fucker towards me.

I need some perspective.

Whole family at family themed place yesterday - families there and my husband too. My daughter starts playing with a younger child. I got chatting to the Dad whilst they were playing. He was nice enough - but not attractive and not my type, just a nice bloke. I didn’t fancy him and was chatting to him whilst waiting for my daughter to finish playing with his kid.

My husband is in the vicinity but doesn’t come over. Afterwards he kicks off. Apparently he was listening to our conversation out of sight and I was flirting and acting like a whore (which is bollocks! I know myself!). Also he says I was talking to this guy for far too long. He has massively overreacted and stormed out this morning for the whole day leaving me with no car and two kids upset and worrying where daddy is. I’ve just tried to talk to him again but he has got it fixed in his head that I was flirting and disrespecting him by doing it right in front of him. I won’t back down. I’m not going to ‘admit’ to something I haven’t done.

He’s really angry and has escalated massively and he has thrown my out of the bedroom (for 2 nights now) , acting like a man child and the kids know something is very wrong. He has form with doing this kind of shit.

I’ve told him that the kids are upset and we need to discuss it rationally but he doesn’t seem to care about that. Says he’s going out all day tomorrow as well.

I am so tired of his behaviour. He does this every time I ‘upset’ him. It’s so frustrating.

Also it’s my sons birthday next week and I already think he’s going to ruin it but either being in a huge mood or just storming off for the day. I don’t think I could forgive that.

Such a fucking child.

OP posts:
Gottalovethesummer · 14/08/2018 21:25

Stay strong. Please don't be tempted to go back. Make sure you phone WA. He will probably apologise and ask forgiveness, get upset but he has shown his true colours and is unlikely to change. Take this time to sort out help and benefits to set you up in a new home.

MrsMozart · 14/08/2018 22:02

A good update lass.

All remains crossed for you.

Helloisitteaurlookingfor · 14/08/2018 22:09

I'm so glad you're all out. Take care, OP.

Graphista · 14/08/2018 22:13

A good update. But I'm concerned you may be tempted to go back.

PLEASE don't.

Contact WA tomorrow, perhaps also dwp and local council re benefits and housing, possibly shelter.

How long COULD you stay at your brothers? Can you broach the idea of the 2 of you getting a house together and providing each other company/support?

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2018 22:15

Take care. Please don’t let that man talk you round to going backwards. Xxx

ohdeardeardear · 14/08/2018 22:38

OP, whatever you do, do not go back. Keep going and going. Call Women's Aid, do the Freedom Programme. Don't worry what story he'll spin to your friends - if they're your real friends they won't believe him. Be strong for your children. If he wants to see them, go with your brother, don't go alone. I have everything crossed for you. You can't continue to be a family with this man or your children will end up like this too, you sound like an amazing Mum, don't let the bastard tell you otherwise. Please, please LTB

CanuckBC · 14/08/2018 22:59

Please, stay away. Leaving is the most dangerous time of abusive relationships. You are out and already feeling the relief. He is an abusive, controlling man.

Call woman’s aid, benefits and anyone and everyone who can help you get setup again. Tell your brother everything and get the support you need.

Porpoises · 14/08/2018 22:59

Well done, that's brilliant news. Don't lose the momentum, keep telling people so you can get more and more support.

He may try to persuade you back "for the sake of the kids". But that's bullshit. Leaving is the best thing you can possibly do for them. Staying in that relatively would do long term harm to their mental health. Now they have the chance to experience a calm, predictable household where the adults treat them and each other with respect.

Guienne · 14/08/2018 23:09

Have you contacted Women's Aid for practical help and advice? You probably need to sort out solicitors, and they can help with advice on finding somewhere to live long term.

condepetie · 14/08/2018 23:15

I read this whole thread and your updates have had me in tears. I'm so glad you're away with your brother and you and your children are safe.

Please do not go back to him. The advice given about Women's Aid is excellent, and your brother will understand if you need to stay a bit longer. Please don't take your children back to him, and please don't subject yourself to his bullying. He is vile and you deserve so much better.

Good luck Flowers

condepetie · 14/08/2018 23:18

The kids saying "just say sorry to him" is the worst part for me: they know that if mummy apologises, daddy stops his violent tirade. That's not how any child, male or female, should learn to live their life.

This is how your son and daughter are going to react to their future partner unless you act to remove that influence from their lives, and explain why that is wrong. Good luck OP, I really hope for the best for you and your kids.

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2018 11:53

I can sense the relief of being away just from your post! Good luck but please don't go back to him Thanks

HappyintheHills · 15/08/2018 13:55

Please be honest with your brother so that he has the chance to help you.

TheCakeCrusader · 15/08/2018 14:26

As other posters have said, do not be tempted to go back! This will probably be a very vulnerable period for you. Your husband will probably try every trick in the book to try and convince you that’s he is now sorry and it’ll never happen again. He has only apologised because you’ve now changed the script ( staying temporarily at your brother’s home). Your husband has realised that you’re not following the usual pattern of caving into his abuse and he has to change his tactics to get you back in line ie apologising to you initially so that you come back but then repeating the abuse at another time so that you’ll still be feeling like you’re treading on eggshells again.

Get external advice, tell your brother what’s really been going on and above all just know that you are doing this to not only protect your children’s current and future emotional and physical wellbeing but yourself too.

melisma · 15/08/2018 14:43

Great to see your update peoniepants-stay strong.

JamPasty · 15/08/2018 19:34

Awesome, well done you!!

notgoodatthis2 · 15/08/2018 19:39

My dh did this to me when my dc were small when we were on holiday. I totally sympathise.

Queenofthestress · 15/08/2018 20:00

Stay safe

Doingreat · 16/08/2018 08:10

How are you Op?

Please don't go back to him no matter what he promises about how different things will be this time. Many of us on here are living proof that men like that never ever change. You got away. Don't let him lure you back.

Xx

ConkerGame · 17/08/2018 15:28

Hope you and the kids are OK OP - thinking of you all

ohdeardeardear · 18/08/2018 21:26

How are you, OP?

JustMeHere1 · 20/08/2018 07:58

How are you @peoniepants ?

peoniepants · 20/08/2018 10:11

Hi all. I'm ok. Things are hard but I have the support of my family 😊😊 xx xx

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 20/08/2018 10:17

Very pleased to here it. You deserve a happy life away from that asshole. Good luck to you. Flowers

pickingdaisies · 20/08/2018 10:30

All the best to you peonie, wishing you strength to keep going, well done Flowers

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