This wasn't flirting... help I need some perspective

[peoniepants]

I’m at my wits end and feeling desperate.

My husband is acting like a right fucker towards me.

I need some perspective.

Whole family at family themed place yesterday - families there and my husband too. My daughter starts playing with a younger child. I got chatting to the Dad whilst they were playing. He was nice enough - but not attractive and not my type, just a nice bloke. I didn’t fancy him and was chatting to him whilst waiting for my daughter to finish playing with his kid.

My husband is in the vicinity but doesn’t come over. Afterwards he kicks off. Apparently he was listening to our conversation out of sight and I was flirting and acting like a whore (which is bollocks! I know myself!). Also he says I was talking to this guy for far too long. He has massively overreacted and stormed out this morning for the whole day leaving me with no car and two kids upset and worrying where daddy is. I’ve just tried to talk to him again but he has got it fixed in his head that I was flirting and disrespecting him by doing it right in front of him. I won’t back down. I’m not going to ‘admit’ to something I haven’t done.

He’s really angry and has escalated massively and he has thrown my out of the bedroom (for 2 nights now) , acting like a man child and the kids know something is very wrong. He has form with doing this kind of shit.

I’ve told him that the kids are upset and we need to discuss it rationally but he doesn’t seem to care about that. Says he’s going out all day tomorrow as well.

I am so tired of his behaviour. He does this every time I ‘upset’ him. It’s so frustrating.

Also it’s my sons birthday next week and I already think he’s going to ruin it but either being in a huge mood or just storming off for the day. I don’t think I could forgive that.

Such a fucking child.

If you can rip the plaster off today and go to your brothers you also have a couple of weeks to settle and find a school for your kids. If you wait they will start their new schools and you'll persuade yourself not to leave because you don't want to drag them out of their new schools and disrupt them. What do you gain by waiting?

Please get out. Your children will thank you for it one day.

I remember how my dad used to argue with my mum. It was horrid. My mum was a very gentle, quiet soul (she’s passed away now) but I still wish she’d had the balls to leave my dad. I know it’s wrong, but I still feel angry with her.

Please don’t let your children be me.

I disagree that his behaviour is to justify his own cheating. I am insecure and jealous (sometimes over nothing!) the only difference I mask it up very well and I tend to fume inside rather than taking it out on the boyfriend. However, I do not cheat and do not intend to!! What helps to me is I ask questions and my partner patiently answer these, no matter how silly.

Hi Peonie
Just to reitetate, I really would NOT do Grey Rock. Keep things safe until you have space to plan. Have not had time to read thread from page 13 but will catch up when I can.
Thinking of you x

Please please use the reaction of your children as your impetus to get out!
Many of us have done the 'walking on eggshells' you included, don't let your kids live the same life. Agree that he's unravelling.

And yes, I'm scaring you now, but don't let your kids be the ones watching him standing over you once he's snapped and either physically hurt or killed you, still insisting that it was your fault for pushing him. Don't let them have that to deal with. Believe me, a shit 10th birthday won't compare to them seeing that.

Set small goals for today, telling someone in RL is one. Have you rung Women's Aid yet?
Are you able to give a vague location - some of us may know of some more local, specific help for you

Thanks everyone. I ran out of data so managed to phone and get a top up! I'm going to my brothers. Leaving in half an hour. I've got all the important docs I can find in a rush. I've not phoned WA yet - it's too much to process in one go. I'm getting us to a safe place for a few days and once I'm there I can think straight. Not sure if I'm going to tell my brother yet but I might once I'm there. Bro thinks we are coming to see him for a little trip xx

I don't want to give my location incase someone I know reads this in RL and it outs me but even if I moved 20 miles the way the geography works I'd still be near the schools - Think rural big school catchment where kids live up to 15 miles so I'm not worried about the school thing. We can still leave and move away/with bro (he's actually closer than I thought - 20 miles ish) and go to those schools.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support and telling your own stories to support and spur me on - that must have been difficult. Xxx big hugs to you all xxx better go!

Good luck

The best news! I'm so glad you have a good brother.

Good luck

I wouldn’t tell your husband that you’re leaving him yet. Just you’ve decided to take a little holiday at your brothers house.

Give yourself time to think & plan.

Good luck & go you!!!

I can't tell you how pleased I am to read your update, wishing you all the luck in the world x

Oh well done OP. Don't have the experience to add anything helpful but lurking and cheering you on. You're doing the right thing for your kids.

Well done OP! So glad you are getting out of the situation. Looking back your kids will thank you and admire you so much more than if you stayed put. All the best things go well for you all x

I am very relieved to read your update! Good luck and bear in mind that the wheedling and begging starts now - he will be desperate to get you back under his control. Please do not meet with him alone.

Thinking of you and sending strength and love.

Yes, OP!! You are awesome

Been watching the thread from afar and just wanted to jump in to say I think you're being so brave OP! Stay strong! You deserve better than this!

Great update peoniepants good opportunity to get some time out and really reflect on your situation.

You’re being incredibly brave and a brilliant mum - stay strong.

Good luck x

Well done OP good luck

You are an amazing woman and mother, OP. Good luck.

Omg! peoniepants I am high-fiving the air!
Yeesssssssss!!!!!!!
Keep in touch! 👏👊

So glad you're doing it, you super brave lady.

I didn't go, I waited, I wanted to fix him. Unfortunately it got to the stage that the police sorted it when he was arrested for hurting us.

We're on our own now, non mols in place. Life is so much easier. It really is. You can do this xx

Well done! Good luck. I hope you’ve now left or are just abouf to leave .

Good luck and well done!