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AIBU?

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This wasn't flirting... help I need some perspective

528 replies

peoniepants · 12/08/2018 01:39

I’m at my wits end and feeling desperate.

My husband is acting like a right fucker towards me.

I need some perspective.

Whole family at family themed place yesterday - families there and my husband too. My daughter starts playing with a younger child. I got chatting to the Dad whilst they were playing. He was nice enough - but not attractive and not my type, just a nice bloke. I didn’t fancy him and was chatting to him whilst waiting for my daughter to finish playing with his kid.

My husband is in the vicinity but doesn’t come over. Afterwards he kicks off. Apparently he was listening to our conversation out of sight and I was flirting and acting like a whore (which is bollocks! I know myself!). Also he says I was talking to this guy for far too long. He has massively overreacted and stormed out this morning for the whole day leaving me with no car and two kids upset and worrying where daddy is. I’ve just tried to talk to him again but he has got it fixed in his head that I was flirting and disrespecting him by doing it right in front of him. I won’t back down. I’m not going to ‘admit’ to something I haven’t done.

He’s really angry and has escalated massively and he has thrown my out of the bedroom (for 2 nights now) , acting like a man child and the kids know something is very wrong. He has form with doing this kind of shit.

I’ve told him that the kids are upset and we need to discuss it rationally but he doesn’t seem to care about that. Says he’s going out all day tomorrow as well.

I am so tired of his behaviour. He does this every time I ‘upset’ him. It’s so frustrating.

Also it’s my sons birthday next week and I already think he’s going to ruin it but either being in a huge mood or just storming off for the day. I don’t think I could forgive that.

Such a fucking child.

OP posts:
Grammar · 13/08/2018 23:47

Well done, peonie, am very proud of you. X

AutumnGrace · 13/08/2018 23:52

Hope you have settled safely at your brothers!

Please go to the police dv team in the morning. Start to talk to people about what is happening - be proactive in keeping your kids safe.

So glad you left!

TeacupTattoo · 14/08/2018 06:26

I am so glad you have found your strength. Be proud of yourself! You and your children deserve to live without the aggravation/fear of his behaviour.
Years ago I ended up in a women's refuge as I had no family to support me but knew I needed to flee my husband of ten years. You've tried as hard as you can, hold your head up high and never falter - you deserve respect.

Anniegetyourgun · 14/08/2018 06:42

Well done. This is just the first step. There will be many others, some of them backwards; it won't be easy, there are many things to sort out, but the eventual goal is freedom and it is totally worth every ounce of effort. The best of luck on your journey. MN is still here when you need support on Phase 2...

TroysMammy · 14/08/2018 06:53

You say he is having counselling for a shit childhood. Do you both want your children to eventually have counselling for their shit childhood?

Grammar · 14/08/2018 07:13

Keep posting if it helps. We are here and hope all is well for the meantime.

Suresurelah · 14/08/2018 07:13

Please phone WA.

Abusers thrive on their victims keeping quiet out of fear and shame.

It’s okay to take small steps, but you’ve already exposed your DC to this behaviour that they are beginning to normalise it (your daughter especially so).

Heismyopendoor · 14/08/2018 07:24

How are you op?

I have read the full thread and really hope you have managed to get away. Your husband honestly sounds mentally unstable and like he could just snap at any moment and kill you. I know that might sound harsh, but sadly so many women do die from things like this.

Have you managed to talk to WA?

We are all here for you.

SophSoph92 · 14/08/2018 07:30

He told you you were acting like a whore?? What an absolutely disgusting thing to say. Your husband should respect you more than to say that. I'm fuming for you.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 14/08/2018 07:37

Hope you got out safely op.

looondonn · 14/08/2018 07:50

So sorry to read all this

You are a brave person and your life will get much better when you and your innocent children escape

IndieTara · 14/08/2018 08:00

Have you gone Op? Keeping everything crossedyou get to your brothers

Moviestar · 14/08/2018 08:50

Just wanted to send you support and best wishes OP and the strength to escape this awful man and enjoy life free of fear with your lovely children.💐💐💐💐💐💐

hendricksy · 14/08/2018 09:29

I hope you are ok . I posted before about my boyfriend and everything you have said since is just like him. I'm so glad I didn't marry him. I hope he grew out of it . interestingly he had an awful emotionally abusive mother so maybe it is a learned behaviour but either way it's awful to be around . Good luck

PintOfMineralWater · 14/08/2018 09:45

GOOD LUCK! You're very brave and doing an awesome thing for your DCs. xx

PotteryLady · 14/08/2018 10:51

Good luck Thanks

hellsbellsmelons · 14/08/2018 10:58

I really hope you got to your brothers and you are starting to feel a bit calmer.
I just worry he found out your plans.

MrsAJ27 · 14/08/2018 11:51

He sounds so manipulative and totally draining.

Hope you got to your brothers safely Flowers

Suresurelah · 14/08/2018 12:54

I hope that you arrived safely.

Please be careful OP, as he is ramping up the abuse. He’s started to get physical....throwing a pillow at you very aggressively and hard into you is abuse.

tinkerbellone · 14/08/2018 16:33

How are you OP?
Very brave if you to leave and have some space to yourself. Sending you hugs xx

peoniepants · 14/08/2018 20:51

Hi everyone. Your lovely comments have had me in tears. Such kindness from you all ❤️ thank you. I couldn't have made that first step without your support and backing xxx thank you!

I'm ok. Up and down emotionally but physically safe which is the main thing.

We're still at my brother's house. . We're having a lovely time together and it's such a relief to be able to relax and breathe again.

I've started to tell him some bits of my story but not the awful stuff just yet. Am feeding it through gradually.

DH has calmed down and apologised - as I predicted. He thinks we are with my bro for a few days to let the dust settle which he thinks is a good idea.

I'm not sure what my long term future holds as I can't stay with my bro in his current house forever. Am taking it a day at a time but feeling much better and more in control and will be telling my bro more tomorrow.

Take care you lovely people xxxx

OP posts:
SophSoph92 · 14/08/2018 20:58

@peoniepants well done brave lady ❤️❤️

AnnieKenney · 14/08/2018 21:03

Really good to hear from you. One day at a time. Enjoy the peace. Flowers

FrayedHem · 14/08/2018 21:15

Lovely to read your update. You've done so much in such short time. Keep this in your head:
it's such a relief to be able to relax and breathe again.

Hope your DS has a fab birthday.Cake

Flowers
Beamur · 14/08/2018 21:23

Well done. Stay strong.

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