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Original poster

This wasn't flirting... help I need some perspective

528 replies

peoniepants · 12/08/2018 01:39

I’m at my wits end and feeling desperate.

My husband is acting like a right fucker towards me.

I need some perspective.

Whole family at family themed place yesterday - families there and my husband too. My daughter starts playing with a younger child. I got chatting to the Dad whilst they were playing. He was nice enough - but not attractive and not my type, just a nice bloke. I didn’t fancy him and was chatting to him whilst waiting for my daughter to finish playing with his kid.

My husband is in the vicinity but doesn’t come over. Afterwards he kicks off. Apparently he was listening to our conversation out of sight and I was flirting and acting like a whore (which is bollocks! I know myself!). Also he says I was talking to this guy for far too long. He has massively overreacted and stormed out this morning for the whole day leaving me with no car and two kids upset and worrying where daddy is. I’ve just tried to talk to him again but he has got it fixed in his head that I was flirting and disrespecting him by doing it right in front of him. I won’t back down. I’m not going to ‘admit’ to something I haven’t done.

He’s really angry and has escalated massively and he has thrown my out of the bedroom (for 2 nights now) , acting like a man child and the kids know something is very wrong. He has form with doing this kind of shit.

I’ve told him that the kids are upset and we need to discuss it rationally but he doesn’t seem to care about that. Says he’s going out all day tomorrow as well.

I am so tired of his behaviour. He does this every time I ‘upset’ him. It’s so frustrating.

Also it’s my sons birthday next week and I already think he’s going to ruin it but either being in a huge mood or just storming off for the day. I don’t think I could forgive that.

Such a fucking child.

OP posts:
sunsunsunsunsun · 13/08/2018 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 13/08/2018 17:35

Well done.

Please do tell your brother what’s been going on, but bear in mind that he might not be in position to offer the support you need if he is coming out of a similar situation.

I’d urge you to consider talking to the police DV team about the fact that your husband has begun to escalate to violence, because they can ‘flag’ you as being at risk should you need them in a hurry, and it will provide a record of his actions that you might need in the future.

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2018 17:37

Well done!

Definitely tell your brother for his support

Stay safe Flowers

BeenThereDone · 13/08/2018 17:51

Everything you have posted in the last couple of days has really brought it all back to me... I was you 10 years ago. I could have written word for word what you have.

So let me tell you... Leaving was without doubt the Best decision. I EVER made. I have not regretted once in the last ten years the choice I made to take the children and run with just a few clothes in black bags. The children, now adults, tell me it was the best decision and they cannot imagine what would have happened or how their lives would have been so very different had I stayed.
Now your husband will throw everything at you.... Calls, letters, suicide attempts, upsetting the children, maybe even contact your brother and other friends.... Grey rock to it all lady... He's losing control and he will say or do anything to get it and you back.

Well done for escaping... Your children will thank you one day, trust me. Xx

GinPink · 13/08/2018 17:53

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 well done op how incredibly brave of you. You are such an amazing role model for your children xx

HappyintheHills · 13/08/2018 17:58

It’ll be so important to your DC that you’ve responded to their concerns.
Share them with your DB, support each other.

overduemamma · 13/08/2018 18:12

I'm so glad you've left OP. Think of them beautiful children of yours. Please update us and let us know how you get on at your brothers x

DisappearingGirl · 13/08/2018 18:17

Oh well done OP and good luck and stay safe.

This is one of the worst things I've read in a long time. I have no experience of this situation but I'm someone who normally tries to see the best in people etc ... However just to add to the general consensus (in case you start doubting yourself) that he sounds like a hideous abusive bastard.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 13/08/2018 18:20

My husband would only be able to call me a whore once I’m afraid.

I’m so glad you’re away though - well done x

Auntpetunia2015 · 13/08/2018 18:23

Been reading but not commenting as I have no experience of this. But just to say. You are doing the right thing. I do think you need to let the police dv team know in case he tries to say you’ve abducted the kids and keeps on with his mantra that your a bully and violent etc. Tell anyone and everyone first

Good luck

rainbowstardrops · 13/08/2018 18:54

Oh what a surprise that the bully backed down once you mentioned telling your brother!!!!
I'm really glad that you've taken your children away - go you!

zigzagbetty · 13/08/2018 19:18

Well done, we're all here cheering you on, good luck

Dieu · 13/08/2018 19:22

Ho convenient that his 'punishment' to you, involves him fucking off for the day and doing his own thing.
Please don't live your life like this OP, with him blaming you to 'justify' what he's doing. My bet is that he isn't insecure at all, and that his behaviour is purely controlling.

Dieu · 13/08/2018 19:22

How

Aspergallus · 13/08/2018 19:39

Good luck OP. You and your children deserve better.

Teabay · 13/08/2018 19:41

Well done, you are amazing.

What a lovely mum you are.

Ratarse · 13/08/2018 20:00

With regards to your brother, would you want to know if it was the other way round?

You are a brave woman and your children will blossom before your eyes in the next few days. Good luck.

sonjadog · 13/08/2018 20:32

Good luck.

unboxed · 13/08/2018 22:10

I wish you all the best and the courage to not go back to him. You are worth more than that.

Graphista · 13/08/2018 22:18

Good luck - you CAN do this!

melisma · 13/08/2018 22:30

Wholeheartedly wishing you all the luck in the world peoniepants. Well done. It will be a difficult journey but better times are ahead of you.

HartleyHaresHo · 13/08/2018 22:42

I've been off work today with D&V and inbetween bouts of being sick etc I've been reading your thread.

I can't tell you how emotional and felt and gave a virtual 'high 5' when you posted that you were leaving soon and going to your brothers with the children for a few days - and I'm the least person to get affected by things I read online but your post has really 'got' to me.

Like a few PP I was in a relationship when younger with an abuser like your husband - fortunately we didn't have children so it was very 'easy' to leave - a case of grabbing my belongings and moving back to parents.

Your situation is so very much harder and you are amazing and strong and putting your children first - Never doubt yourself. You know that his behaviour is all kinds of wrong.

Yes it's so very easy as outsiders to say up and leave when the reality when you have nowhere to go and where children are involved, where you don't have finances to fund a move and where you're scared of uprooting your children's lives is very much harder to do in real life.

Believe me - your life without the angst of obeying his rules, dreading putting a foot out of line and constantly questioning yourself will be a huge relief, and I PROMISE you you will look back in a year's time and wonder why you didn't leave earlier.

If you ever doubt yourself please re-read this thread - and know you are amazing - you've took a huge step and we are all behind you. Please keep us updated on your journey to freedom xx

maggiemuff · 13/08/2018 22:50

I was in a similar relationship but without kids. He always accused me of flirting etc. I remember one time waiting at the bar to get served and he said he had been watching me talking to the man beside me. I know I hadn't spoke to anyone (not that it should matter if I had, but I know I didn't). He ended up abusive, beat me, I had a miscarriage which he used as an excuse to not go to work even though he was not at home supporting me at the time. I couldn't even leave my dog in the house with him incase something happened but yet I carried on just excusing it all. You have children and you need to leave Thanks

maggiemuff · 13/08/2018 22:56

Also I just wanted to say I don't think he was cheating on me, he just liked to accuse me of it because the minute the subject came up the whole atmosphere changed. I was terrified of what would happen and what he would accuse me oh. He once hit my head so hard that there was a lot of blood over my clothes. He washed my clothes straight away whilst I sat with a blanket round me and I thought he could just kill me now. It was still a long time after that that i finally finished it and stuck with it.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 13/08/2018 23:07

Hope you got out of the house safely, peoniepants

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