Visitor ordering only for themselves

[boingbat]

Invited friends round for drinks and dinner. Things were a bit delayed because I was sorting out kids etc. Served dinner, heard a knock at the door my male friend had ordered a takeaway for one and was incensed when we pulled him up on it. AIBU?

ah...so this morning we still don't know what time dinner was meant to be?!

People astound me with their lack of self organisation sometimes.

We went to an evening reception the other week and knew it was hog roast type meal (standard type wedding fare!). Evening reception started at 7.30 and wedding was at 2 so could work out for myself food would be about 9/9.30 as wedding breakfast would have been 4 ish.

So I had breakfast and then a cooked meal at 3pm. This allowed me to be hungry but not starving at 9pm.

What time did the guests arrive?
Tbh I'd he abke to wait however it's extremely frustrating to show up on time some where then realise the food is going to be hours because the tree still kids and shit to sort out first.

How long do you expect people to wait?

If they haven't eaten since lunch time and only a little so as not to spoil their appetite for a meal they have been invited for then I can kinda understand tbh.

I have a wonderful friend who does this . Talks about the nice meal we are having all day, gets later and later kids are raiding the fridge and freezer etc No sign of any food being made at all then eating really late.

Then hours getting kids to bed after so no time for adult convo at all really.

It's kind a rude to not be ready for the guests tbh.

People astound me with their lack of self organisation sometimes

Does that go for the hosts too?

Why can't kids be bathed in the morning instead or given a hot meal at lunch so they can be chucked a cheese sandwich for tea and promised a fun trip out the following day if they went to bed early and watched a film that night?

We went to a wedding a few years ago where we had to sneak off and get room service because the drinks part of the reception had been going on for hours with no sign of any food and we were all getting drunk hungry. Maybe your guest had a similar issue?

Why can't kids be bathed in the morning instead or given a hot meal at lunch so they can be chucked a cheese sandwich for tea and promised a fun trip out the following day if they went to bed early and watched a film that night?

^^^yes, absolutely

People are hilarious. Under no circumstances is it in any way polite to order yourself, and only yourself, food to someone else's house without conversation first.

fireworks
I would also hope you find it equally ride to not be ready for guests? To not have organised your time to ensure they weren't kept waiting all night for the meal you promised them And have them sat around while you faff about with the kids?

Also sureky most the meal can be prepared befire hand ?

Any puddings or salads etc can be made in advance.

And surely stuff can be cooked while the kids are being put to bed?

My God there's some snobs on here.

OP - Doesn't matter if dinner is delayed. Ordering a takeaway when you've been invited round for food is bloody rude. He's a grown up - grown ups can manage with waiting a bit for a meal. And he was given food to fill him up while he waited. Rude tosser, I wouldn't invite him again.

Yes ok, he was rude, but unless I knew dinner wasn't going to be served till 9pm, I would have eaten my own arm off! Will never forget ex SIL ( who I don't speak to now), inviting us round for dinner ( inc our kids). She got hammered in the kitchen and served us dinner at 11pm!Luckily we had kid snacks in my bag. Worse, dinner was an Asda pasta bake which I could have ate to myself, divided among 5 of us ( which she burnt, due to being hammered), and DH and I gave up our portion to give kids something! We left at midnight and drive straight to 24 hr Maccy Do's drivethrough as still starving. Never went back! One of the ( many but less serious) reasons we are NC with SIL and BIL.
I wish I had thought of ordering a takeaway...

If you invite people for dinner then you have to make sure it's served at a reasonable time. Sounds like this person was fed up and hungry. But it was still a rude way of dealing with it.

Yes ok, he was rude, but unless I knew dinner wasn't going to be served till 9pm, I would have eaten my own arm off!

This is where we need nore information really.

If the guests had shown up everything was good to go and they just had to wait half an hour while it finished cooking and kids were put to bed then yes it's really really rude.

If however they showed up the table hadn't even been cleared she faffed about with the kids for a while and you discovered the lamb leg for the roast hadn't even been taken out the plastic yet then you can figure the meals going to be hours away...

That's pretty bloody rude tbh not only will guests be chewing their arms off but the host will be spending the whole time in the kitchen abyway and you are sat with a bunch of people you barely know.

Gileswithachainsaw

I still think it would have been less rude to leave and then get a takeaway,

Your snacks are wierd. Don't people put out chips? - surely it's crisps, nibbles, olives etc.

9pm is too late for me to eat. All my friends know this. If I found out people were eating at 9-10pm, I'd probably just eat my portion of our family dinner at 6pm, before going out. And then eat a smaller portion at 10pm.

I’d have feigned illness & left by 8.30pm at the latest

Seriously? A guest in someone's home and you would lie about being ill as you hadn't eaten 'by 8.30 at the latest' when you'd only got there half an hour earlier?

What about drinks, chatting, maybe a dish of olives etc. All that is part of eating at someone's home, not just turning up and expecting a plate of food to be slammed down while everyone's still taking their coats off .

If I'm a guest, I really don't expect everything to be done rigidly to my expectations.

To be perfectly honest I wouldn’t have needed to feign illness. If I hadn’t eaten by that time I would be feeling faint & nauseous anyway.

9pm is far too late - it's nearly bed time for me!!

He was very rude in ordering just for himself but I imagine he thought it was a joke and he was just being funny. Maybe he was hangry - I would have been.

We don't know how long the guests had been there for. Also - you refer to "we" OP so whoever wasn't cooking should have been kiddy wrangling.

He could have offered to help with something if you were held up by the kids instead of sitting there like Lord Muck. I would have in order to be able to have you ready sooner and enjoy some conversation, but I suppose that kind of emotional labour is not expected of a male guest.

Or offered to order for all of you and enjoyed your company.

I think if I was ravenous I would have made an excuse to slip to a shop discreetly.

But it is so rare for anyone to cook for me I'd be happy to come round to yours for some cheese on toast and pom bears some time, OP, and I think we'd have a great time! :D

Maybe its just me, but if I invite folk for dinner, I prep in advance, so at least my dinner guests have their starters/ soup to keep them going. And if main course is delayed for whatever reason ( and it happens), gives my guests time for earlier courses to go down a bit before mains are served. It's a bit rude to not let your guests know when they are getting fed.
He shouldn't have ordered the takeaway, but am giggling at the oven chip/ bread nibbles
Is this going to be on Come Dine With Me?

Maybe him.or others did offer to help?
God knows I have done befire and got the "it's ok it's under control"

Tbh some times help makes it all take longer. The person has to keep telling you what they want done and how.

Whole thing sounds incredibly badly organised. There should be so little that needs doing by the time the guests arrive that even needing to put the kids to bed shouldn't delay stuff that long.

Sone people just like to play the "look at me I'm.so busy" game.

No one in their right minds plans a dinner for people then doesn't pre prepare stuff so they aren't stuck in the kitchen all evening.

What time did you tell them to come round?

Hilarious.😂

I wish I had his courage!

I can just imagine his AIBU.

"Friend invited me and a few others round for a dinner party at 6.30 last night. We arrived promptly and their house was chaos, their kids still hadn't been fed and our dinner was no where near being started. By 8pm their kids still weren't in bed and dinner still wasn't on. I was absolutely starving as I'd come straight from work. I decided to order myself some food as I didn't want to leave as I'd barely had a chance to catch up with the hosts. I quietly asked the other guests if they wanted anything but they informed me they'd eaten before they came as host has previous for this. My food arrived just after they served dinner at 9. I was embarrassed but faint with hunger by that point. The host had a right go at me. Wibu?