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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have turned back

140 replies

Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 15:42

DB is having a barbecue today, he lives an hour and a quarter away. We have a dog who we don't like to leave for more than four hours or so and can't take him there.

We set off with the intention of staying for an hour and a half. We'd bought cake, meat and booze to take. Traffic was horrendous and after an hour sat nav was still telling us we were over an hour away, so we turned back. If we'd carried on we would have been able to spend about 15 minutes assuming it had really taken the hour, also traffic was even worse going the other way. So we turned back, I texted DB to explain and apologise and got a load of abuse back. WIBU to come home? Should we have gone, said hi and left?!

OP posts:
CrockedPot · 11/08/2018 20:54

I’ve got two dogs and don’t get this. What do all you ‘don’t leave for more more than 4 hours’ do at night?

crazycatgal · 11/08/2018 20:57

YANBU, you can't just leave dogs for an extended period of time. There are lots of crap owners out there who regularly leave their dogs all day and think it is fine to do so.

Your DB should have accepted the reason why you had to turn back, he knew you had the dog to think about, maybe it would have been a different story if he had allowed the dog to come.

Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 20:59

Madmags I don't really want to go into what the abuse was but it was incredibly personal about both me and DH. And unnecessary however upset he was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 21:00

To those asking the dog sleeps all night Confused

OP posts:
Fergusmum · 11/08/2018 21:02

For what it's worth - u r not being unreasonable. I too would have turned back if the traffic was so bad. My dog comes first and the 3 before him also came first. People who dislike dogs just could not be bothered to try and like them. Owning a pet is so therapeutic. I used to only have cats but now as long as I am able I will have a dog. Perhaps a way forward is to discuss with yr brother the reason for saying u cannot bring yr pet.

Foodylicious · 11/08/2018 21:07

Did he know you were taking cake, booze and meat?
Had he relied too much on you bringing this and was now embarrassed in front of other guests that he did not have enough?

He was still unreasonably rude to you, but could this be behind his over reaction?

Hope you managed to salvage something of your day after spending hours in the car

Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 21:14

Foody no he said not to bring anything so I don't think that's it. I think he was just annoyed at the no show as evidently others would have been.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 21:15

Home with dog, cake and booze now so I guess that's somehow salvaged the day.

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 11/08/2018 21:15

YUBVU.

It is a pet. I had a friend who's life was dictated by her stupid dogs. Refused to go out etc etc etc. She is no longer a friend because she just wouldn't ever leave the house and I am VERY allergic to dogs.

Kennels?
Use a dog walker?

You agreed to see your family and sacked them off in favour of your dog.

Lalalalalolololololo · 11/08/2018 21:18

Crocked Pot it’s not just about toileting. The RSPCA recommends dogs are not left for longer than 4-5 hours because they are social animals, get lonely and neurotic and destructive if left too long. It’s just not fair and if you leave yours longer than that you shouldn’t have them fullstop.

CrockedPot · 11/08/2018 21:40

Yep, I do. They are fine. Lovely, happy dogs. Not babies.

ShumpaLumpa · 11/08/2018 21:45

Can't believe the responses telling OP she is BU.

I've never had nor will I ever have a dog but I think OP did absolutely the right thing.

SassitudeandSparkle · 11/08/2018 22:28

Would you have gone on your own OP - it sounds as if you have someone that could have stayed with the dog (you did say 'we')?

Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 23:08

Sorry sassitude I thought I'd responded to you earlier. I could have gone on my own but DB seemed keen we both came for an hour or so rather than just me for longer

OP posts:
geekone · 11/08/2018 23:10

YANBU dogs shouldn’t be left for a long time and you are a good person and pet owner for doing this. It’s odd your DB would invite you but no dog.

Doghorsechicken · 11/08/2018 23:15

I’m glad you care about your dog OP. I’m also very concerned by all the people on this post that obviously think it’s acceptable to leave dogs for extended periods of time. They’re a pack animal, they don’t like being alone.

safariboot · 11/08/2018 23:18

I texted DB to explain and apologise and got a load of abuse back

Assuming you mean swearing and insults, your brother's behaviour was vastly more unreasonable than anything you did. He's the one who should be apologising and you should think whether he's really the kind of person you want to visit in future.

Purpleartichoke · 11/08/2018 23:27

You need a dog walker or better yet a doggie daycare.

Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 23:35

Safariboot yep and considering what has come since (despite further apologies) I'm thinking exactly that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 23:35

Further apologies from me I mean.

OP posts:
Lwg87 · 11/08/2018 23:37

I haven’t read the whole thread but would have done exactly as you did. We have 2 dogs and when we took them on their needs became a priority. They are our family members and don’t leave them longer than 4 hours without company. There are too many owners who leave their dogs for many many hours and I feel sorry for them. They are a responsibility. And for those asking about night time - if they’re in the building and need to go out they can let you know. My dogs never disturb us regularly but sometimes if they’ve had medication that’s upset them or a bug they might need letting out at any hour.

Smellbellina · 11/08/2018 23:39

Yanbu, of course you don’t deserve abuse for taking care of your dog. Shit happens, your DB sounds like an arse

Fatbelliedgirl · 11/08/2018 23:46

I can understand why your DB was cross, especially as he probably went to a lot of effort for the bbq and if you have form for being flakey.
Next time - if there is a next time - organise day care or a sitter for your dog. We have a young Lab who we don't like to leave home alone for more than 5 hours as not only might she get destructive but it wouldn't be fair on her to have to toilet on pads. So we organise care for her rather than leave her alone for long.
Our cats on the other hand are a dream Smile

emmyrose2000 · 12/08/2018 09:32

For all the pp suggesting the bro is rude or unreasonable for not wanting a dog in or on his property: you are ridiculous, and likely to be the same arseholes who insist their horrible animal is 'only playing' when it pokes its smelly self all over other people who have nothing to do with you. Ugh. The only thing worse than dogs is selfish, narrow-minded dog owners who can't comprehend that not everyone thinks your animal is lovely

Well said.

Everyoneiswingingit · 12/08/2018 09:46

You've taken the outpouring of YABU very well OP. I have a dog and don't like to leave her over 4 hrs but we do on occasion. We just give her a massive walk before we go and she sleeps.We leave ned[a[er by the back door just in case but she's always held on. It's not every day and I agree with others that you can't be ruled by a pet. Of course it would be wrong to leave it daily for hours on end but now again is fine. I do think your DB is BU to have a go at you and I understand why you turned back. Just have a chat with him about your reasons and perhaps try to leave the dog longer now and again to put your mind at rest that it'll be ok.