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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have turned back

140 replies

Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 15:42

DB is having a barbecue today, he lives an hour and a quarter away. We have a dog who we don't like to leave for more than four hours or so and can't take him there.

We set off with the intention of staying for an hour and a half. We'd bought cake, meat and booze to take. Traffic was horrendous and after an hour sat nav was still telling us we were over an hour away, so we turned back. If we'd carried on we would have been able to spend about 15 minutes assuming it had really taken the hour, also traffic was even worse going the other way. So we turned back, I texted DB to explain and apologise and got a load of abuse back. WIBU to come home? Should we have gone, said hi and left?!

OP posts:

Stefoscope · 11/08/2018 18:57

It would have been more unreasonable to leave the dog for longer than he would have been comfortable. For what it's worth we don't leave our dog for longer than 5 hours and that happens maybe a couple of times a year. He's not dog friendly either so can't use kennels with him. It may not be a lifestyle that suits everyone, but I wouldn't be without my dog.

TemptressofWaikiki · 11/08/2018 18:58

I don't think you were BU in the slightest. In fact, I think your not so DB is very rude.

StuckSoutherner · 11/08/2018 18:59

OP no you are NOT being unreasonable- you have an animal who you know very well and have a routine for him(or her-sorry!). Animals are a responsibility, and sadly they can't just be left to their own devices. If you have a regular dog walker who you trust then fair enough to arrange for them to come and let the dog out but to find someone to just do as an ad-hoc I wouldn't do either. Stand your ground :)

Ivorbig1 · 11/08/2018 18:59

You are both UR
I understand his outburst, he had catered for you and was probs my looking forward to seeing you. Being dumped for a dog is quite lame tbh.

MessyBun247 · 11/08/2018 19:03

‘What happens to the dog after 4 hrs?’

It works itself into such a state of separation anxiety induced panic that it spontaneously combusts.

My sister has no life since she got her dog 2 years ago. The only social activities she will partake in are ones where she can bring her dog. Won’t go for a meal at a restaurant as ‘the dog will be sad’. Won’t go to anyone’s house if she can’t bring the dog (even for 2 hours). Brings him in the car if she pops to the shop.

When she goes on holiday and leaves him with my mum he spends the whole time stressed and high pitch barking.

If anyone suggests she should try leaving him regularly for a few hours (3-4) so he can get used to being alone, she gets angry and defensive.

It just seems a bit shit really .

Original poster

Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 19:10

Messybun my dog is fine if left with someone else but as I've explained there was noone available. He's fine alone for four hours, would probably be fine for five but would be desperate to wee/poo and I don't like him to be uncomfortable. The traffic coming back was far worse and was likely to get worse later on (event going on) so had we continued and stayed for an hour it could have been 6/7 hours he was alone. I accept I was rude and unreasonable and have apologised.

OP posts:

Firesuit · 11/08/2018 19:12

It pees on your carpet.

So is the assumption in the UK that a dog left at home will be indoors?

I grew up in a country where virtually every house had dogs, most didn't allow them in the house at all, and there was no concept that there was anything wrong with leaving dogs for any amount of time, as long as they had food and water.

Firesuit · 11/08/2018 19:15

Actually thinking about it, dog were sometimes allowed inside, but they usually lived outside when not interacting with family.

Original poster

Stopplayingwiththecheese · 11/08/2018 19:16

Firesuit certainly where I am the assumption is a dog will be indoors. Our garden doesn't have enough shade/shelter for a dog without access indoors. We could build it I guess but he's a wuss and would need heating in winter and air con in summer!

OP posts:

aaarrrggghhhh · 11/08/2018 19:29

I accept I was rude and unreasonable

You weren't.

popocatepetals · 11/08/2018 19:31

Y are being U to let an animal rule your entire life, yes. You should have arranged for a neighbour or local dog person to pop in.

ragged · 11/08/2018 19:34

Expecting you to drive 2.5 hours for a 1 hour party stop was U.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 11/08/2018 19:39

THEY are being U not to welcome your dog

Do you know the reasons? The DB and his family? The dog?

Some people simply don't like dogs at all. It's up to the dog owner to make proper provision, not to make a somewhat arrogant assumption (which the OP didn't!) that everyone is going to welcome your pet.

What an odd attitude.

Anyway, sound like you do need to crack on with sorting out your garden, OP, so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.

9amTrain · 11/08/2018 19:43

I wouldn't have bothered to go somewhere for that little time if it took me that long to get there.

crispysausagerolls · 11/08/2018 19:55

Do people get up every 4 hours during the night to let their dog out?

ChiaraRimini · 11/08/2018 20:00

OP have you tried borrowmydoggy.com?
I look after a dog for her owner when they want to have a long day out or overnight without her. It's a free of charge service as we love having her. There are loads of people who are keen to do dogsitting for free on weekends.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 11/08/2018 20:14

Crikey, a guest did this to me because of traffic. It really didn't upset me. There were other guests and it wasn't intended that you would be able to stay long anyway. It's really not worth abuse and stress.

rosamundhopelovesdogs123 · 11/08/2018 20:20

YANBU.
It was a long way to go for a casual party, especially in terrible traffic, but you gave it your best shot.

If your DB was a reasonable person he wouldn't have minded you bringing your dog - after all, parties are for the benefit of guests and not only the hosts.

I don't have kids but would have absolutely no problem with a guest bringing their baby or child to a 'do' if that will make their lives a bit easier.

I'm afraid your brother sounds very uptight and UR. Dogs, kids, elderly drink rellos all add to the mix.

MadMags · 11/08/2018 20:32

What exactly did your brother say to you, OP? Because "a load of abuse" is subjective.

Lalalalalolololololo · 11/08/2018 20:36

I don’t think you were being unreasonable, you were being a responsible dog owner. He is part of your family and should be welcomed as such provided he’s well behaved. SIL sounds a bit pathetic.

My MIL doesn’t like my dog in her house even though he would never damage anything and just lies down and sleeps. Either she tolerates him or she doesn’t see us, he is part of our family the same way as our son is. It’s stupid because the toddler actually is so much more destructive.

MudCity · 11/08/2018 20:39

I think I would have declined the invitation. Too far for a short visit.

YANBU about your dog.

Your brother should not have been abusive towards you.

Dljlr · 11/08/2018 20:44

For all the pp suggesting the bro is rude or unreasonable for not wanting a dog in or on his property: you are ridiculous, and likely to be the same arseholes who insist their horrible animal is 'only playing' when it pokes its smelly self all over other people who have nothing to do with you. Ugh. The only thing worse than dogs is selfish, narrow-minded dog owners who can't comprehend that not everyone thinks your animal is lovely

BeautifulSlang · 11/08/2018 20:45

As a dog owner I totally get where you are coming from as we don't like to leave our pooch for more than 4/5 hours, especially during the day time. On occasion, but very rare we've left him for around 7 hours, but felt guilty and gave him extra cwtches when we got home.

Maybe in hindsight you could have arranged someone to look after him, or even pop in for half an hour to let him out to the loo. Why couldn't you take him with you?

SquidgyBanana · 11/08/2018 20:51

I don’t think you were BU at all... you weren’t the only ones going but even if you were it’s not your fault you were stuck in traffic, if you had left your dog for longer he would have been uncomfortable.

Aragog · 11/08/2018 20:52

THEY are being U not to welcome your dog.

I don't really like dogs. I'm somewhat nervous of them after being bitten by a dog as a teen. A so-called friendly family dog I'd met a few times before. Totally unprovoked.

I don't want a dog in my home, inside or out. All my friends know this and accept it. Tbh one one close friend has one. I cope with it at their house and have gotten used to it. Still don't like when it jumps up. And I don't like when it starts barking. But as I like my friends I've learnt to deal with it there. I accept that it is their dog and part of their family, and accept that in their home. Equally they accept I don't really like dogs and don't want one at my house and would never dream of bringing it.

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