To have turned back

[Stopplayingwiththecheese]

DB is having a barbecue today, he lives an hour and a quarter away. We have a dog who we don't like to leave for more than four hours or so and can't take him there.

We set off with the intention of staying for an hour and a half. We'd bought cake, meat and booze to take. Traffic was horrendous and after an hour sat nav was still telling us we were over an hour away, so we turned back. If we'd carried on we would have been able to spend about 15 minutes assuming it had really taken the hour, also traffic was even worse going the other way. So we turned back, I texted DB to explain and apologise and got a load of abuse back. WIBU to come home? Should we have gone, said hi and left?!

Nah you weren’t being unreasonable. Traffic is something you can’t control. It’s reasonable for him to be a bit upset but to give you abuse is unreasonable on his part. Especially as there was other people at the BBQ.

Apart from the recent incredible heat ( and not everywhere was as affected )was there a reason I missed that you couldn’t have taken the dog with you and left it in the car ( with adequate ventilation, water and frequent checks and mini walks up the road and back, obviously ) ?

I'm happy to accept I was unreasonable (and rude) but I think people referring to it as being an excuse are being a bit unfair. If I wanted an excuse I would have feigned illness not sat in traffic for two hours!

I didn't want an excuse, I'm disappointed to miss out and upset others.

If you had already stated you could only leave the dog for 4 hours, and the brother knew this and suggested you came for an hour anyway, and you explained that you had attempted to come, but due to traffic would not be able to make the journey there and back in the time you had allowed, YANBU.

I agree with @whateveryousay. I don't have anyone local I'm on such terms with to ask them to come in and let my dog out for a non-emergency situation. I wouldn't kennel him for a routine social event.

For something like this, I'd first see if there was any way the dog could come with me, without upsetting others - e.g. promise to keep him out of the house, on a lead etc. If not, the time I could stay would be limited.

It is a shame, but this is one of the things you accept when you take on a dog - there are times when it will curtail your social life.

Surely someone could have taken your dog for a walk etc? bit sad to base your whole live around your dog...a dog...

I notice you said we - could one of you have stayed with the dog?

I had a text from a friend last week, I think it was fishing a bit to see if I'd look after her dog so she could go out. I don't think any of us could because that potential trip got cancelled too.

Absolutely right not to take the dog with you if it's not welcome at the other end though.

YWNBU. It's unfortunate and your DB shouldn't have kicked off.
But then I'm biased. I love my dog way more than my B, he's much nicer!

Surely someone could have taken your dog for a walk etc?

Who, though? It's not the same as asking for help in an emergency. Asking someone to interrupt their Saturday so you can go to a barbecue would seem cheeky to me, unless it was someone you regularly swapped similar favours with, which not everyone has.

safetyfreak we have people who can the dog sometimes, half of them were at the bbq and the rest on holiday. Also we have a daycare who we use but they were full. I could have maybe found another daycare/walker but I am a bit precious about my dog care, a fault I'm sure!

OP I think you are being unnecessarily apologetic about being a responsible dog owner.

@safetyfreak is clearly someone who either doesn't have dog and/or doesn't understand the responsibility of being a dog owner.

My dog brings extraordinary enrichment to my life - and in return for that he is totally and utterly reliant on me for every aspect of his life and I always consider him in my plans. Because I'm not a dick.

Pop over to the doghouse and ask for some feedback. They'll love you. Because you're a good dog owner.

I think they are a bit mean to not allow the dog in their garden on a lead

This happened to us once. Going to an event that we couldn't take the dogs to and got stuck in traffic. We went to the event, arriving v late, staying a short while and heading back. Luckily the people we were seeing were dog lovers and sympathetic about the traffic problem that day because they'd experienced it.

@aaarrrgggghhh I know exactly what you mean about the enrichment and I don't know what we did without him (and really try not to think about the day he won't be here anymore)

How do you go to work if your dog can't ever be left alone?

I once cancelled a trip to Europe at the last minute because I wasn't happy with the practice sleepover night my pup had at a doggy home boarder. One of my friends thought I was ludicrous. I told my dog owner friend and she said well of course you couldn't go - you weren't going to let aarrggghhhdog have a miserable 4 days just so you could have a holiday.

These are vulnerable little creatures. I think making sure your boy can go outside to pee when needed trumps your brother's party planning needs.

@Jackieyoulooknice In my case, my husband works part-time, and has an evening job, so he's around for the dog during the day, and I'm usually back before or not long after he leaves. I wouldn't have got a dog if both of us were out at work all day.

My dog can be left longer in an emergency - he's an old fella now and just goes to sleep if nothing interesting is happening - but it's generally bad for dogs to leave them alone for long periods.

I won’t leave my dog for longer than 4 hours either. You did the right thing. Dog trumps a rude brother every time.

For most dog owners, the dog is a member of their family and treated as such. Most dogs don't cope very well with being left for extended periods of time. So yes, they can limit social life a bit but they give back in so many other ways.

Jackie I work from home and on days I need to be in the office or travel for work he goes to daycare. They couldn't have him today.

I think they are a bit mean to not allow the dog in their garden on a lead

OP has already stated that her SIL is scared of dogs.

And if you don't welcome dogs into your home as a matter of course, they stink, they have bad breath and they make wierd noises and shed hair. Not noticeable to owners, but to non owners and none dog people, it is very noticeable.

People have every right to not allow pets in their home if they don't want to fgs.

What happens to the dog after 4 hrs?

It pees on your carpet.

Just for the record I have no issue with them not wanting a dog in their home. It's their home so their choice.