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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to sacrifice my holidays

320 replies

Jackfruitburger · 11/08/2018 08:47

We are moving into a bigger house next week which will cost an extra £300 in mortgage payments monthly. We are obviously going to have to make some cut backs.
Here's what I think dp should stop;
Buying a bottle of wine 3 times a week
Buying lunch out every day
Here's what dp has suggested we stop;
Holidays (all, even in the UK, camping etc)

I think that what I'm asking is reasonable as it doesn't contribute to the overall happiness of the house. I've already said I'll buy all our clothes secondhand and switch to Aldi/Lidl and we're getting rid of Virgin. I spend 22p a day on my lunch and haven't had a professional hair cut in ten years. I don't want to give up the one bit of happiness I have left!

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 11/08/2018 12:39

I think he buys too much wine. Otherwise I agree with pps that you need to compromise. Set yourselves each a budget that means you can afford the mortgage, then it's up to him to save on lunch and spend on wine or vice versa.

And go on more holidays without him if he's really not bothered but they're important to you.

Bluelady · 11/08/2018 12:41

Recommended healthy drinking level for a man under 65 is two drinks a day apparently.

gillybeanz2 · 11/08/2018 12:42

You've bought a house you can't afford, what will you do when interest rates go up to more than the cost of panini's and a cheap holiday?
Surely you discussed all this when you were talking about moving?

flamingofridays · 11/08/2018 12:47

gilly that's probably not true though is it. Lenders are very stringent there's no way they'd have got the mortgage if they really cannot afford it

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/08/2018 12:48

@DarlingNikita is right - sit down together, and set out all the essential expenses - mortgage, bills, insurance, then, from what is left over, set an amount for the weekly food shop, an amount each as an allowance - he can spend his on wine or chorizo sausage rolls if he wants, and a bit to go in a savings pot towards holidays/family fun.

Dh and I did that when the dses were little, and we had somewhat lost control of the finances - we ended up with an overdraft at the end of each month, before he got paid. We worried about this for some time, before we finally got our act in gear and sorted it out. Initially, we used to keep a running total of expenditure, in the different catagories - we had sheets for our allowances, family fun and food, and if I bought myself a book, or nipped to Tesco to do a top up shop, I wrote it in the relevant column, and deducted it from the weekly total.

Yes, it was nerdy and finicky and a bit time consuming, but it worked, and we got control of our finances, and in time, it became second nature, so we don't need to religiously write everything down - although dh does have a spreadsheet on the computer that he updates regularly, and juggles money around the different budgets if an unexpected expense or bonus comes in.

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 12:50

Recommended healthy drinking level for a man under 65 is two drinks a day apparently.

With two nights alcohol free and 14 units in total. 3 bottles of wine is well beyond 14 units.

Oblomov18 · 11/08/2018 12:53

I think sacrificing your holidays, is not worth the move to new house, for me personally.

FrayedHem · 11/08/2018 12:55

I do sort of see where he's coming from over the holidays as he doesn't go with you. The children do get something from the experience so it's not quite the same. I think your plan of having separate "luxuries" money is what I'd do. Though I wonder what happens about any fun days out for the children. Maybe rock/paper/scissors to decide who pays for that.

1tobleroneplease · 11/08/2018 13:04

Everyone seems to be missing the point here!! I agree with OP, cut back on the easy things (like not buying lunch every day) and still have the same standard of life by going on holiday once a year or whatever. Yeah maybe look for cheaper holidays or whatever but what OP is saying is her husband is wasting family money on extravagant lunches and wine which isn't enjoyed by all the family. Holidays are...

category12 · 11/08/2018 13:08

Not by him, apparently ...

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 13:09

Holidays are...

He’s not going?

1tobleroneplease · 11/08/2018 13:11

The kids and rest of the family are going though. His choice not to go. And tbf id not read that post about him not going when I wrote the post lol.

AnnaMagnani · 11/08/2018 13:11

An average bottle of wine would be 10 units. Some more, some less.

So no, he's not having a healthy couple of glasses of wine a night. Most glasses of wine poured at home are much larger than a single unit anyway.

He's having a likely minimum of 30 units a week, no days off for his liver to recover, more if he goes out and has drinks elsewhere too or buys wine that's a bit stronger.

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 13:11

Apparently not, Ye, so he gets a week or two childfree as well. That would be a holiday for me. He landed on his feet alright! Paninis for lunch every day, the wifey dishing up tea, 3 bottles of wine a week and a staycation with no kids.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 13:13

He landed on his feet alright! Paninis for lunch every day, the wifey dishing up tea, 3 bottles of wine a week and a staycation with no kids.

Well that’s one interpretation.

Another could be that he gets peace from a miserly wife who acts the martyr and penny pinches so she can have the big fancy house!

If I lived with someone like that I’d want to be pissed out of my skull too!

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 13:15

He gets to live in the house, too. He hasn't said he doesn't want to move and she can't buy it on his own so hey, sounds like he's all for it as long as he can not bother himself making his own lunch or dinner and quaffing wine.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 13:17

Oh right aye it’s always the man’s fault eh, I forgot this is MN where women can do no wrong and all men are bastards.

Fucks sake living in your own home isn’t a privilege and it sounds like a super controlled miserable existence from what OP has written!

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 13:18

Nowhere has OP said he said anything about the move. In fact the impression I get is that his opinion doesn’t really matter at all!

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 13:21

Um, she can hardly afford to buy the bigger house on her own. He has to be involved in the process because he'll be living in the house, too. They have separate finances from the sounds of it so she's not controlling his money from the sounds of it, either. Hmm

wafflyversatile · 11/08/2018 13:21

cut back on the easy things (like not buying lunch every day) and still have the same standard of life by going on holiday once a year

How is denying yourself something you like 5 days a week (bought lunch) not changing your living standards but going on holiday 2 weeks a year is?

I don't think 3 bottles of wine is a problem in itself. 15 units a week? And I barely drink at all so I'm not trying to assuage my own guilt here!

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 13:22

Um, she can hardly afford to buy the bigger house on her own

As I said earlier, she can’t afford it now if she’s going to the frankly oppressive and ridiculous lengths she’s going to and trying to force on her DH! If the finances are separate what does it have to do with her what he spends?

Branleuse · 11/08/2018 13:23

could a compromise be buying nicer ingredients for home made sandwiches, and boxed wine from aldi, and taking your holiday outside of peak season.

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 13:24

Aw, diddums, not being able to blow £30+/week on lunches and drink wine every night. That's a real hardship Hmm. Cry me a river!

Etymology23 · 11/08/2018 13:25

3 bottles of wine a week would be half a bottle a day with one day of no drinking. That sounds like quite a lot to me? That’s like 5 measures of G and T a night if you are having single? Or 4 a night if you don’t have any nights without booze?

I’m not a heavy drinker, so maybe I’m just totally skewed in my perspective, but that seems like a lot to be drinking almost every night to me.

EATmum · 11/08/2018 13:25

Like Posie I was going to suggest a house swap - it’s a great way to get the excitement of going on holiday without huge expense.

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