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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting to ring dd’s boss up and tear her a new arsehole?

227 replies

NicoAndTheNiners · 08/08/2018 17:33

I won’t actually do it but feel like it.

Dd is 17yo, in sixth form. Good, polite, hard working kid. She’s been desperate for a job and heard that a business in the village was employing.

I had slight reservations as I know this business gets through staff quickly and I’ve also seen them asking for people to work unpaid for a week on trial before potentially getting a job.

Anyway dd started working for them on a Sunday. Gets £25 for 8 hours so not even minimum wage which isn’t good. No break either. But enjoys the work and gets on with the manager ok. Manager told dd she was the best person they’d had in ages and was professional as she works hard and isn’t on her phone like others have been.

She was asked if she wanted more work over the summer and texted back to say she could work but not Tuesdays or Saturdays. They texted her back saying they wanted her to work this Tuesday (2 days before). She had plans but didn’t want to upset them so texted back and said she could work but only till 12. So did 4 hours work.

During this shift the manager made her aware of some comments that the business owner had written in a staff handbook about dd. Dd said it was an A4 page of ranting saying that dds work the previous weekend had not been up to scratch. Lots of swearing, “I’m fucking sick of x, she’s a fucking lazy bitch and I’m running out of patience”.

Dd has only told me today and broke down in tears. She says it’s not even true. She did everything she was supposed to do and spent 4 hours making the place spotless. The business involves animals and the boss was basically mad because the next morning there was animal poo about.....odd that dd finishes at 4pm so by the next morning the animals will have produced more shit. Dd Is adamant she cleaned all the poo up on her shift.

When she finished at 12 the owner refused to pay her anything because she said she hadn’t done a full shift. They’ve asked dd to work next Tuesday and said they’re doing it to teach a lesson because if she was an adult she would have to prioritise her job over driving lessons. Dd has told them she can only work the morning again and says she will do it even though she doesn’t think they will pay her again.

I’ve told her not to go back. I’ve offered to ring up and either politely or ideally not very politely tell them she won’t be coming back. I really want to ring the woman up and say I think she’s a disgusting excuse of a human who is bullying a teenager and not even paying her. I’m fucking furious. Dd says she doesn’t want any conflict and will just carry on working until the end of the summer and then tell them she needs to stop,work to concentrate on a levels.

I’m certainly planning on reporting them to whoever cares about minimum wage breaches.

OP posts:
FromNowOn · 08/08/2018 18:10

DD may not want you to but she’s is the child and you are the adult. It’s your job to stand up for her. Plus it sounds like the conditions need reporting too.

dobbob · 08/08/2018 18:11

She definitely needs to put her foot down, demand her pay and leave.

I was a doormat for years, it spilled into my career as an adult where I lost £2000 in wages when the business went under, as I didn't want to "kick up a fuss."

I wish I could go back and tell 16-20s people-pleasing self to take a stand - don't let worthless shits get away with it!!

Laiste · 08/08/2018 18:11

I don’t want dd to not trust me and come to me with stuff in the future

I get this completely. 3 of my 4 are in their early 20s now and i had the same attitude as you about sex, boyfriends, school mates ect. Treadin very carefully otherwise they wont come to you in future ect. (I couldn't open up to my mum and i didn't want the same thing with my girls.) It's all good and they will always come to me about anything.

BUT - work stuff when they're still 17 is kind of different though. Well it was for us. You can talk about this aspect with her. Maybe explain that you're sorry, but there are some things which flip over into 'mum has to roll her sleeves up and wade in this time' territory. And this is one of them.

PolkerrisBeach · 08/08/2018 18:12

Shocker - boss who thinks he can get away with paying less than minimum wage is a bit shit.

CoraPirbright · 08/08/2018 18:13

Def agree about reporting to the HMRC. Whether you want to weigh in on your dd’s behalf is up to you but I do understand about her being worried about making a ‘fuss’ - my dd is exactly the same.

Do you have a dog yourself? Dog-people in your local area will def chat to each other about stuff out on their walks. Spread the word about it being a horrid place for the dogs (let alone the staff!!) as the conditions sound horrible.

JamPasty · 08/08/2018 18:14

I think I'd phrase it to DD as "we need to stand up to this business because we are lucky enough that we are able to. Some people are not able to do that as they need the money to live on so can't afford to rock the boat, so we need to stand up so that those that can't don't have to put up with shitty employers like this one ".

delphguelph · 08/08/2018 18:14

People can and will take the piss.

Especially out of 17 year old kids.

Shame on them.

Elderflower78 · 08/08/2018 18:15

Does she work with horses? Because I have and it's the industry is rife for this type of shit. I left a career I loved because I suffered bullying. They also never pay properly. Get her out.

serbska · 08/08/2018 18:16

I think I'd phrase it to DD as "we need to stand up to this business because we are lucky enough that we are able to. Some people are not able to do that as they need the money to live on so can't afford to rock the boat, so we need to stand up so that those that can't don't have to put up with shitty employers like this one ".

^yes this

Banterlope · 08/08/2018 18:17

You could use this as an opportunity for her to realise that she is in control of her labour – if she takes pride in her work she shouldn't be prepared to work for people who take the piss. The world is full of employers who will try to rip you off, and you need to value what you do and how you do. If she knows she's doing her best don't stand for people trying to undercut her – take your efforts elsewhere. It's easy to be a people pleaser, but you also need to paid properly and on time by the people who owe you.

cookiesandchocolate · 08/08/2018 18:19

In this circumstance I would teach your DD it is not okay to be treated like that in the work place. She needs to make a stand and walk out. Below minimum wage and no break and cross because your DD doesn't perform to high standards. Okay then. How ridiculous. Tell her to walk. Will be the best thing she ever did

Flyme21 · 08/08/2018 18:22

"Does she work with horses?" - no, Op explained it's dogs on page 1.
I agree with those who are saying that you teach your daughter a valuable lesson by gently helping her to walk away from this, and taking some action against the owner for their illegal practices.

EdisonLightBulb · 08/08/2018 18:24

Fuck that, I wôuld go round. I am not one normally that interferes with children's first jobs but this is outrageous. Get your money, tell home some home truths then report home when you get back.

We had a local cafe that did similar to young girls, and the boss was a slime ball too, until one mother went in and threatened to wall him up, report him to the environmental health and the police for suggestive comments. She got her daughters wages and said she was going to report him for all the out of date food he sold that her DD had told her about. He closed up not long afterwards.

EdisonLightBulb · 08/08/2018 18:27

*them not home, bloody autocorrect

Loonoon · 08/08/2018 18:28

I would respect your daughters wishes on this. She got the job on her own, she did the work on her own, she needs to decide what to now on her own. She knows she has your support and she can turn to you if she needs to. Let her make her own decisions here.

ladycarlotta · 08/08/2018 18:30

I think I'd phrase it to DD as "we need to stand up to this business because we are lucky enough that we are able to. Some people are not able to do that as they need the money to live on so can't afford to rock the boat, so we need to stand up so that those that can't don't have to put up with shitty employers like this one "

100% this. Yes.

Even if you are only thinking of your daughter, she needs to understand that not all working environments are like this, and nor should they be. I remember working for an employer a bit like this, and I felt so responsible for protecting our 17yo Saturday girl and making it OK for her - work at that age is so much about gaining confidence, building a work ethic, knowing how to rise to challenges, but you do also need to know your own worth. If she can afford to walk away from this job she really, really should; she does not owe them anything at all and she needs to understand that.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 08/08/2018 18:33

I think you should tell DD that you respect her wishes and won't confront the woman but this is too serious for you to overlook. It has implications for other young people this woman might employ and so you will be reporting her to the authorities.

SalemBlackCat · 08/08/2018 18:34

The thing is, it is not a 'job'. She might think it's the only job she was offered, but it isn't even that. It is basically volunteer work. She is hardly (if she does at all) getting paid. And given that A4 rant, lets be honest; she is NOT going to get a reference. So it isn't even like she can add it in her cv, so, really....what's the point? She doesn't have a job, she is going to a place to be abused. That is the reality. She needs to understand that there is zero upside or benefit to her at all with this. It's a waste of her time.

SalemBlackCat · 08/08/2018 18:36

Your daughter sounds like a lovely genuine girl and a hard worker, and is a credit to you. Flowers

YearOfYouRemember · 08/08/2018 18:39

She doesn't want the fuss but I mean sure she wants to do the right thing.

She's 17. Legally a child. It's your job to stick up for her and not let her be bullied and controlled.

Bibesia · 08/08/2018 18:48

Your DD should keep applying for other jobs - I know it won't necessarily be the same everywhere, but everywhere I've been this summer I keep seeing adverts for waitresses and bar staff.

TigerTooth · 08/08/2018 18:49

You are actually teaching her a really bad lesson in employee expectations if you allow her to continue working there.
And yes - get ACAS on to them.
Please don't let her go back.

LemonysSnicket · 08/08/2018 18:51

Wow, adults for the most part can organise not to work certain days, it's not like she used to work Tuesdays and then stopped... she said no Tuesdays. I would also dob her in.

Also whilst your daughter sounds lovely, you need to teach her to stop being a doormat or people will continue to treat her like shit for her kindness and hard work.

nippiesweetie · 08/08/2018 18:54

Well I think it was very remiss of your daughter not to insert corks in the appropriate orifices before she left. What was she thinking?

Where is this village - the 1800s.

Please encourage her not to go back, and to demand that she is paid for her half shift. She worked the hours agreed. She deserves her pittance.

Remember too, adults of all ages seek help when they are having a dispute with their employer. You, or an older sibling/cousin could be her support person.

blueluce85 · 08/08/2018 18:59

Definitely do not let her go back. She is not an adult and needs one who has experience to step in and tell her what she should be doing in this situation. Don't let her learn the hard way. And if you do let her continue, you are allowing her to work for a bully.... I'm sorry but that isn't acceptable.

Not only is it illegal to pay under minimum wage, by also, children need a set number of breaks after working for a certain number of hours and they aren't even allowing her, her basic rights.

Stand up for her and be her parent. Don't let her dictate what happens