To want to try a different approach?

[chocolateaddicted]

As a bit of a back story DH and I have a 3yr old son and started ttc March 2015 for our next one. So far nothing has happened for us and we have tried a lot of things to help us. Been to the gp and referred to a gynaecologist to advise. From that we have been given tests, I've had surgery, advised on stopping caffeine, sugar, alcohol, neither of us smoke so that's not an issue.

A friend told me to seek older medicine though and that a Chinese herbalist and more natural approach would work better. I went to see one on Monday and they have agreed they could help. I'm fact she started the appt by looking at me first to then tell ME what I was there for. The issue is though that they need to treat us both at the same time and DH is not really on board. He's super skeptic and thinks they're all just shams out for your money.

AIBU to want him to just try with me? We have tried everything else and I just need him to try.

Hes right I'm afraid. Do you know what they call alternative medicine that is proven to work?

Medicine. Chinese herbs etc is all a load of bollocks.

Really? Ok thank you. I guess this really is the end of the road then. We weren't actually going for herbal remedies we were going to discuss physical remedies such as acupuncture and meditation courses.

In all fairness would it not be better to try though and even if it was a placebo the mental effect would be beneficial to us.

The placebo effect might work on you but if your DH is a sceptic it won’t have much effect on him.

have you tried taking agnus castus to see if it helps regulate your cycle?

I have heard (no proof though) that these Chinese herbal remedies can be dangerous. Of course they were happy to take you on! I wonder why!

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want him to try with you if it is acupuncture and meditation courses. Why would it be? Those things are recommended for a reason. They can be effective and have been for many people for many years now. However it works for those people, placebo or not, ceases to matter to most once they get the actual result they were seeking. You've been ttc for a while now so I'd say give it a try!

I think anything is worth a try, but I'm not sure how you'll encourage your DH to try it if he doesn't want to. I'm sorry you've had such problems with TTC. I know you've probably tried many, many things. Have you heard of the SMEP (Sperm Meets Egg Plan)? I'd give that a try- just because you're hitting all of the days and it meant, for me, that I could take my mind off of worrying about whether we were getting the right times. For me it stopped me from stressing about it and it worked first month (after 2 years of trying and 2 losses). I really hope that you have the bundle of joy you both deserve very soon.

Meditation (and for some people acupuncture) are effective because they reduce stress. Stress can have an impact on fertility. Obviously it would be better for both of you to destress but even if it is only you that is better than nothing. But you can always try a different approach like a long spa holiday.

Acupuncture can be amazing. Def worth a try

I'd maybe look for therapies which can help you to relax and de-stress. I truly believe that stress, worry etc will always have a physical manifestation on our bodies. Maybe some form of CBT to help you stop focusing so much on your lack of success so far.

I would ditch the Chinese medicine and spend the money on some fertility treatment that actually works eg clomid, IUI, IVF (whatever most likely to work in your unique scenario).

@Lalalalalolololololo we can't have IUI due to poor morphology and CLOMID apparently won't work either. The thing we need to do is get that morphology up and apparently acupuncture can help this due to increasing the blood flow.

Just to be clear I haven't done more than go talk to them And see what the options were. No money has been spent and we are still in discussion. It's a hard one as he doesn't believe cutting caffeine, alcohol and increasing exercise is the way forward either 🤦🏼‍♀️

I don’t know enough about male factor infertility to advise OP but if I were you I would be getting the opinion of a fertility consultant regarding the acupuncture before you commit, and asking the acupuncturist for some solid evidence in the form of peer reviewed research and meta-analyses.

If morphology is an issue your best chances are with IVF I would have thought. If you are in the UK you’ll have to pay given you already have a child, I would think it would be better to put your money towards that. If your OH isn’t prepared to change his lifestyle to improve his sperm quality I doubt acupuncture would work in isolation anyway. Best of luck.

Honestly, if I were you I'd go speak to an IVF clinic rather than wasting your time, money and getting your hopes up on alternative treatments. See if you can get it funded on the NHS first but you could just need a little intervention.

It's a hard one as he doesn't believe cutting caffeine, alcohol and increasing exercise is the way forward either

Are you sure he actually wants another baby? Those things are all easy changes to make, so why would he not give them a try if there’s any chance at all that it might help?

Sorry just spotted you have a child already so no you won't get it funded. Still the same sentiment though. Go to the right expert right away and see if they can help. (I work in IVF, so sorry not unbiased)

We already have a fertility specialist and he said alternative therapies have a lot of success but it differs from person to person. We will be looking at a three year or more wait for IVF atm and by then I'll need to be back at work 😆 plus he advised us to put aside £50k to pay for the IVF so not sure how long that will take.

I've asked him time and time again if he definitely wants another baby and he keeps telling me yes but it's a lot of pressure because all our family are constantly asking why we haven't had a baby and telling us it's not fair on our son to be alone.

My friend ttc for 2 years, she had acupuncture and was pregnant within a couple of months. My sil had reflexology, also fell pregnant within a few months. I would give it a go if it was my only option. Maybe it would be useful to look at some statics online and see if they are favourable, then show your husband? Good luck

£50k?!? WTF? Unless he has really low expectations for your success or and you’ll need 5+ rounds that seems excessive to me.

Having been to a Chinese medicine centre for treatment (not anything to do with conceiving), I would never go again.

Presumably the doctors you saw previously found nothing amiss.

Just relax and enjoy the little one you have and, who knows, you might find yourself pregnant in due course.

£50k?! My friend has a very complex fertility history (8 miscarriages, 3 in the second trimester, 2 ectopic resulting in the loss of both Fallopian tubes and hashimotos disease) and hers cost £15k in total (now has twin girls).

@Lalalalalolololololo he has really successful rates but he likes couples to be prepared for the fact it's expensive and each round will need paying for. It includes everything for four goes. If it works first time then we have savings. However I've been told that the chances of it working are very low and that means I would want to save at least that.

I think that’s such weird and dubious advice. Time matters when it comes to fertility, surely you’re better off raising and spending £10k on one round so you can have a chance at pregnancy earlier. Neither your or your husband will be getting more fertile. If DH already has sperm issues it’s going to be even worse in a few years once you’ve raised £50k. It’s madness!