Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this period shaming?

142 replies

Liesdamnlies40 · 08/08/2018 10:04

I flushed a tampon down the loo but didn’t realise it hadn’t flushed away (I normally put them in the bin in little bags & get rid).
Partner came into room and told me that at the age of 44 I should know better and made me feel upset as he has seen it. I feel so embarrassed.
Aibu to feel upset? I don’t need to e bloody told off for my period.

OP posts:
riiiiight · 08/08/2018 11:54

Please don't turn this in to a beaker thread! Shock

ClaryFray · 08/08/2018 11:56

Period shaming, he made one comment about the fact you flushed a tampon. He didn't call you names. I think your being a bit over sensitive.

AnExcellentUsername · 08/08/2018 12:18

Can't believe it took 4 pages for "controlling" and "vile" to be mentioned 🙄

barleyfive · 08/08/2018 12:41

My housemate used to never properly flush blood stained tissues in my last house share; despite also being a lady who has periods it wasnt something overly pleasant to see. If a woman would have said something would you be feeling the same?

InfiniteVariety · 08/08/2018 12:42

AngelsSins You're absolutely right - my SIL (different culture) was told by her mother when she married that she must keep any bloodstained items of her own when she had her period away from her husband's clothing and wash them separately. A perfect example of period shaming

I have also met women who think that after a baby is born a man can't be expected to deal with bloodstained sheets, so MIL or DM sweeps in and removes the offending item for the laundry.

A lot of period shaming is perpetuated by women

EthelHornsby · 08/08/2018 12:45

YABU and ridiculous

BlancheM · 08/08/2018 12:59

Yanbu. He's made you feel disgusting for being a woman with bodily functions, i.e. normal. He needs to grow up and stop being squeamish.

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 15:42

Why wouldn't you assume they HAD flushed (because generally, competent adults do, no?) and it was just a floater? confused

Because when I flush toilet in my house nothing is left behind so I would assume the person hadn’t flushed. In someone else’s house or in public loos I’m not sure I would care.

This didn't happen. No one is discussing it.

You are. you brought my username into it and decided it was relevant to the thread. I asked you to clarify yourself. You said I wasn’t terf beacause I said tampons (which you’ve taken to mean blood!) shouldn’t be in the toilet. The implication being I would be a terf if I was fine with blood in a toilet. If you don’t want to explain yourself then you shouldn’t have made the comment in the first place.

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 17:38

I'm in mind of that pigeon playing chess meme.

User912 · 08/08/2018 18:28

How is it that so many women don't understand not to flush tampons or sanitary towels? I'm genuinely surprised at the lack of education?

Not being snooty, I just genuinely don't understand. I started my periods at 10, and can honestly say I have never thought to flush sanitary items in the toilet - they always went, and go in the bin.

TrippingTheVelvet · 08/08/2018 18:31

Is leaving a floater shit shaming then? Catch a grip OP!

morningperson · 08/08/2018 18:31

Just out of interest then, what did happen after he had a dicky-fit at you? did you remove it, did he? (or did he flush it!?).

(he was out of order by the way, total twat).

IceCreamFace · 08/08/2018 18:32

I think he was being a bit of a dick, he could have just said "hey you know you're not meant to flush those" you would have replied "I know it was an accident" and that would have been the end of it.

If he had a go at you because his precious eyes were scandalised by the sight of a tampon (and assuming you've been together a while he must have known it was a rare accident to have left it there) then yes that is period shaming.

mimibunz · 08/08/2018 18:36

Oh ffs

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 18:48

So no clarification from you then, riiiiggt.

Teachtolive · 08/08/2018 19:00

Eh, what the OPs partner said was spot on, any way you slice it. Yes at 44 she should no better than to a) flush a tampon and b) leave a toilet unclean for the next person. No, periods aren't gross but it's common decency to clean up after yourself in the bathroom! I'd be pretty pissed off if anyone left wee, poo, tampons, used condoms, make up on the sink, etc- just be decent and clean up! In any case the dp didn't say "you should be ashamed if yourself " - the OP internalized his statement and felt shame! Not his fault she did that!

Teachtolive · 08/08/2018 19:01

*know better, not 'no'

placemats · 08/08/2018 19:07

I'm going to presume here that the OP's partner is older or around the same age.

He's a tiny massive dick if he's going on about this and knows it's an accident. Even if he's a new partner to the OP, he's still a micro dick because a new partner would wait and see if this was a recurring happening.

It was an accident you tiny dick head. Get over the fact your partner has periods.

TedAndLola · 08/08/2018 19:08

He's an idiot and sounds about 12. What kind of grown man can't handle seeing a bit of blood?

But I don't believe you flushed a tampon accidentally because you were in a hurry. Confused YABU too.

Brambleboo · 08/08/2018 19:09

If he was having a go just because he'd seen it, then he is the unreasonable one. If it was because you'd flushed it, then he should know by now that you don't usually do it and realise it was an accident, he is still the unreasonable one.

MsHopey · 08/08/2018 19:30

@User912
I think it depends on what people are taught by their mothers. Plenty of people up thread have said tampons used to be marketed at flushable.
My mom told me to rip a pad in half length ways and flush each half individually. I'm only 26 so not that long ago really.
As an adult I'm like wtf? It makes a mess too! That's not normal, right? I have a bin in my bathroom and haven't flushed ever since moving out.

butlerswharf · 08/08/2018 19:36

Grinlol to period shaming!

Gooseygoosey12345 · 08/08/2018 19:57

If he's annoyed because he saw a tampon he's a twat. OH had to help me change my pad after having DS, he didn't care a bit and he's normally a bit weird about that stuff.
If he's annoyed because you tried to flush it then I get that but could have brought it up in a better way

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 20:55

You are. you brought my username into it and decided it was relevant to the thread. I asked you to clarify yourself. You said I wasn’t terf beacause I said tampons (which you’ve taken to mean blood!) shouldn’t be in the toilet. The implication being I would be a terf if I was fine with blood in a toilet. If you don’t want to explain yourself then you shouldn’t have made the comment in the first place.

No, the implication is that you are not a radical feminist, but I have already clarified this to you upthread.

Again, I apologise as you seem to struggle with basic reading comprehension or you would not have missed the bit in the op's posts where she explains that she does not flush tampons. She had an accident and then her husband made me feel like I was disgusting because there was blood in the loo

So the fact that you would "bollock" your kids for leaving shit in the toilet, or tampons yes, you compared period blood on a tampon to shit wasn't relevant. He was disgusted by her period, not concerned about the pipes or the ecology.

basically, what you said in your post was that it was OK for her a grown woman to receive a "bollocking" from her husband for her disgusting act of unintentionally leaving a tampon in the toilet. She was not "bollocked" for fucking the pipes, she was "bollocked" for her period.

Now as I explained, the OP is an adult and this is the first time it has ever happened. So bearing in mind she isn't a repeat offender it doesn't make any sense to go around giving bollockings to anyone. Any normal person will say, oh no, we got a floater. But, no, not you. You're special.

Re: your username. Our entire conversation.

you clearly aren't a "terf" because that would mean a feminist who could consider the taboos around periods for five second before saying women should be bollocked like children by their husbands.

Also might want to read up on the definition of a terf if you think it’s anything to do with the taboos around periods.

Firstly, it means trans exclusive radical feminst. All the radical feminists I know have some pretty strong thoughts on the way women are meant to hide their periods. Secondly, you are failing at your readings if you haven't noticed that women are being told that periods aren't a female issue anymore and we shouldn't discuss them, because it's triggering and not all women have periods. (in other words, as ever, 'people' don't want to hear about them because they're yucky and offensive. How times have changed).

So what youre saying riiiiggt is that if I said it was fine to leave blood on the toilet I would be a terf. Got it.

This didn't happen. No one is discussing it. You seem a bit confused about everything. the OP has responded to say that her husband was grossed out that he saw blood in her toilet. I don't know any radical feminists who think you need to intentionally bleed on your toilet. There, have I clarified the thing we weren't discussing yet?

Do you get it now? I said you aren't a radical feminist, therefore you obviously can't be a "terf" as you are struggling to meet the minimum requirement radical feminist. Because a feminist would consider the taboos around periods and the husband's reaction. Radical feminists generally, not terfs specifically. Though being a subset of radfems they also are capable of understanding this.

Then you decided to tell me, who already knows what terf means that I should read up on "terf". And then I said, if you had done some reading on it (even though again, I wasn't talking about 'terfs', I was talking about radfems) you'd have a better understanding about the taboos around mensuration at the moment within the tra movement.

Now in the spirit of MN I am off to have some Gin and I heartily wish you DFOD.

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 20:58

😂😂😂

Yeah, you just don’t want to answer what I asked you. And stop telling people to fuck off. It’s not nice. Naughty riiight