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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this period shaming?

142 replies

Liesdamnlies40 · 08/08/2018 10:04

I flushed a tampon down the loo but didn’t realise it hadn’t flushed away (I normally put them in the bin in little bags & get rid).
Partner came into room and told me that at the age of 44 I should know better and made me feel upset as he has seen it. I feel so embarrassed.
Aibu to feel upset? I don’t need to e bloody told off for my period.

OP posts:
SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 11:05

So what youre saying riiiiggt is that if I said it was fine to leave blood on the toilet I would be a terf. Got it.

HelpmeobiMN · 08/08/2018 11:06

He is being totally pathetic. My DH wouldn’t flinch at seeing a bloody tampon or pad, he wouldn’t even think twice - just like I don’t think twice if I see his bloody tissues in the bin or loo after one of his frequent nosebleeds. Mentrual blood is not more unclean than other blood, or more disgusting and it is period shaming to suggest that it is.

And to the many PPs pointing out that tampons shouldn’t be flushed, please get off your holier-than-thou high horse. OP has indicated that it was a mistake, so what makes you think it’s decent or empathetic to hound her about it?! You’ve all made mistakes yourselves before I guarantee and you'd probably have felt aggrieved if 30 strangers had piled on to tell you you’d made it over and over and over!

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 11:07

So what youre saying riiiiggt is that if I said it was fine to leave blood on the toilet I would be a terf. Got it.

I'm saying you struggle to read and comprehend basic posts.

JacquesHammer · 08/08/2018 11:10

I have to say I think the period thing is a bit of a red herring.

I would expect any adult to raise with another adult if a loo wasn’t being left in a clean state.

Isn’t that what grown ups do?!

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 11:10

Bug fucking deal, what's so gross about a tampon in a toilet? She didn't leave it in his tea.

I didn’t say it was gross. He assumed she hadn’t flushed it, and said she should know better. If I saw a poo in my toilet I’d assumed the person hadn’t flushed either and speak to them. Because again, they should know to flush. He made a mistake by thinking she was just being lazy by not flushing because she had But he was right in that she shouldn’t have put a tampon in the loo.

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 11:11

So if I said it was fine to leave blood on the loo would I be a terf? Can you confirm?

SisterNotCisTerf · 08/08/2018 11:13

Exactly jacques

Tikiwoman · 08/08/2018 11:13

Oh don't be ridiculous
Seriously women find every fucking reason to get upset these days and yes I am a woman .

Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 11:15

Period shaming? ffs. Don't flush tampons down the loo, you will block the drains

Trumpodious · 08/08/2018 11:18

I guess it might be period shaming but I can't really tell from the OP. If he was cross about the tampon being in the loo at all then he may have good reason to be. If my tampon falls out I fish it out because with certain sewage systems it is a total nono, for all systems, in the UK at least, it isn't great. For accidently seeing blood then he is a twat.

TheDarkPassenger · 08/08/2018 11:19

My partner was like this when we first met. ‘I don’t want to think about you having bodily functions’ sort of situation. He soon learned that if you are going to be with me I do talk about bodily functions. I have ibs so I openly talk about shitting myself and I talk about my period cause I hate it! If he doesn’t like it bye bye!

Soon came around to the idea that everyone has bodily functions and women have periods, end of. It’s not like it’s weird or anything it’s natural!

AngelsSins · 08/08/2018 11:19

period shaming" is not a thing OP hmm

How can’t anyone with a brain in their head say this? There are years and years of stigma attached to periods, it’s still often seen as dirty, taboo or gross now, there are still places in the world where women and girls are banned from their homes when they’re bleeding. Of course it’s a thing for god sake.

DarlingNikita · 08/08/2018 11:19

If I saw a poo in my toilet I’d assumed the person hadn’t flushed either and speak to them.

Why wouldn't you assume they HAD flushed (because generally, competent adults do, no?) and it was just a floater? Confused

pictish · 08/08/2018 11:23

I know! Most times the flush does its job...but we all know that very occasionally the item remains in the bowl after the flush. Unless you go back to check after every use, which people just don’t, then you’re going to get the odd lurker aren’t you? It has nothing to do with a lack of competence or awareness. It. Just. Happens.

runningkeenster · 08/08/2018 11:25

OP I felt like this at the weekend. I was staying with my mum and was on my heaviest days. I did really well not to bleed onto the bed etc but did drip onto the bathmat when getting out of the shower. I didn't notice.

My mum did and rather than just changing it quietly, she came in she said she'd seen blood on the mat and so changed it. I did think what the actual wotsit. Is it necessary to mention it?

As for leaving stuff in the loo, well sometimes there is simply no choice. I flush away and there's a patch sitting on the bottom of the loo. It won't move for several flushes. But no, you're not meant to flush away tampons but you know that, it was an accident. I think he was being unreasonable to mention it unless he is particularly eco-friendly but then you know that about him, presumably.

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 11:28

So if I said it was fine to leave blood on the loo would I be a terf? Can you confirm?

This didn't happen. No one is discussing it. You seem a bit confused about everything. the OP has responded to say that her husband was grossed out that he saw blood in her toilet. I don't know any radical feminists who think you need to intentionally bleed on your toilet. There, have I clarified the thing we weren't discussing yet?

If I saw a poo in my toilet I’d assumed the person hadn’t flushed either and speak to them

Again, no one saw a poo in a toilet they saw a bit of tissue with some blood on it. That her husband, if he was rational, would have guessed was a "floater".

Thatsfuckingshit · 08/08/2018 11:29

I wouldn't care what was down the toilet. I would be pissed off that an adult had flushed something they shouldn't have and left it floating.

If someone left pee there I would be pissed off.

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 11:33

As for people saying "period shaming isn't a thing" there have been countless threads where posters admit to hiding sanipro so guests can't see it. Unused sanpro. Posters have asked how to help their teen daughters hide tampons because the girls need to be "discreet". There are of course taboos around periods. Girls in other countries get removed from their homes because they are on their period.

Women in this country are seen as unclean by their partners for being on their period.

The fact that we compare blood from a vagina to shit but blood from a cut finger to blood from a cut finger.. says there is a taboo around periods.

If the Op blew her nose and then threw the tissue in the toilet, I think lots of people would think she was being wasteful flushing. Because seeing snot is fine, vagina blood horrible.

TheOrigFV45 · 08/08/2018 11:33

I wee and poo "shame" my kids all the time.

I don't want to see or stand in wee on the floor, I don't want to see poo in the loo.

Same with period blood and the products used to deal with it. Not a massive deal to see a used tampon, but I'd rather not and would tell the person responsible.

JacquesHammer · 08/08/2018 11:36

I absolutely agree period shaming is very much a thing.

I don’t think this example is it.

Glumglowworm · 08/08/2018 11:38

Period shaming is absolute a thing yes.

But telling the OP to leave the toilet clean after herself and not to flush tampons at all is NOT period shaming. It’s telling her to act like a decent adult human and just happens to involve periods

MrsBlaidd · 08/08/2018 11:45

Your DH didn't period shame you. That particular brand of humiliation is not when someone calls you out for leaving a mess behind in the bathroom. It's more about ritual humiliation for daring to have a period.

DH will let me know if I've failed to clean up properly in the bathroom. He understands that I flood and at 3am don't always have the critical eye to check everything is clean but he also doesn't appreciate having to deal with it when he wakes either. Fair enough, I probably wouldn't be amused at having to clean up after someone else's period - my own are bad enough. This is absolutely not period shaming it is purely a personal hygiene and respect for others issue.

As an aside, I'd think nothing of shaming anyone who flushes anything other than bodily fluids or toilet paper down the drains. That includes "flushable" wipes which actually do flush but don't degrade in the same way as tissue paper. However I do accept the OP wasn't intentional in doing this particular deed...even thought they could have scooped it out to bin (you'd have to if it was something else - like a full toilet roll for example).

placemats · 08/08/2018 11:51

Blood from your vagina is nothing to be ashamed of because it comes from your uterus and it's a part of being female.

It was an accident. Is your partner always this controlling regarding your bodily habits? He sounds vile.

TatianaLarina · 08/08/2018 11:51

But telling the OP to leave the toilet clean after herself and not to flush tampons at all is NOT period shaming. It’s telling her to act like a decent adult human and just happens to involve periods

So OP was acting like a non-decent human being for an accident?

placemats · 08/08/2018 11:53

Is your partner happy to let his semen stain the bed sheets?

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