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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this period shaming?

142 replies

Liesdamnlies40 · 08/08/2018 10:04

I flushed a tampon down the loo but didn’t realise it hadn’t flushed away (I normally put them in the bin in little bags & get rid).
Partner came into room and told me that at the age of 44 I should know better and made me feel upset as he has seen it. I feel so embarrassed.
Aibu to feel upset? I don’t need to e bloody told off for my period.

OP posts:
RideOn · 08/08/2018 10:22

It still isn't clear OP, did he tell you off because you could have blocked the drains? And this made you feel embarrassed? At 44 I think you shouldn't be flushing tampons and he has a point.

Or did he say something about the fact you are having a period?

Or do you just feel embarrassed because he saw a used tampon and mentioned it, when you would prefer he didn't?

Glumglowworm · 08/08/2018 10:22

This isn’t period shaming ffs! Grow up!

YABU for flushing tampons (not entirely sure how to do that “accidentally”) HINBU to tell you that’s a bloody stupid thing to do

Glumglowworm · 08/08/2018 10:23

And I’m a woman who has periods and I would find it disgusting to find someone’s used tampon in the toilet btw, it’s still not bloody period shaming!

chocolateaddicted · 08/08/2018 10:23

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks I'd never heard anyone say Christ in a Bike till I was living with my now DH. I moved in at 8mths pregnant (we shuffled up the date-house-Marry-baby plan) and thought I would wet myself I laughed so much at the saying!

AnExcellentUsername · 08/08/2018 10:24

Are you serious

OftenHangry · 08/08/2018 10:24

It's not "period shaming".🙄

At the age of 44 you should know better. I would be miffed too. Have you seen prices of plumbers?

Angelil · 08/08/2018 10:24

Switch to Mooncup. Problem solved.

crimsonlake · 08/08/2018 10:25

Always check every time after you flush basically.

Ellisandra · 08/08/2018 10:26

Period shaming?
Jesus wept Hmm
No, he just didn’t fancy coming upon your used tampon. (how can you accidentally not deal with it properly anyway? Hmm)
I’ve been having periods for 40 years. Still don’t want to come across someone else’s tampon staring back at me. Same as skid marks.
Wouldn’t kill me, wouldn’t make me be rude to the other person - but yeah, I might say “fucksake love!”

shaming.

Jozxyqk · 08/08/2018 10:27

If it was just a mistake to flush it, fair enough.
He's a bit oversensitive, isn't he... does he object to everything your body does, or just the things that he doesn't think are sexy?

cloudtree · 08/08/2018 10:27

"period shaming" is not a thing OP Hmm

AdilRamisTache · 08/08/2018 10:28

Well I'd probably say something to my partner if he didn't flush a big poo away, would that constitute 'poo shaming'? He might mention it if I didn't flush the contents of my mooncup, would I be offended? Um, not really, no.

As he's a grown up living with another grown up who has given birth, and had miscarriages, he's pretty hardy so he'd probably just flush it for me tbh, and I for him.

picklemepopcorn · 08/08/2018 10:29

I think saying to your partner 'at the age of 44 you should know better!' is pretty belittling, to be honest.

If you told your DH he'd left the loo in a mess that would be very different from telling him that at 44 he ought to know better.

AnExcellentUsername · 08/08/2018 10:29

I remember my mum once gave me a bollocking for accidentally leaving a tampon in the bathroom rather than putting it in the bin. I now know that she was in fact period shaming me.

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 10:31

Partner came into room and told me that at the age of 44 I should know better and made me feel upset as he has seen it.

As soon as I read the OP I expected 2 pages of people deliberately misreading it. Good to see I wasn't let down! I miss it when MN used to be quite clever and people could read a five-line OP properly.

YANBU OP, yes he was being a twat and at the ripe old age of 44 (or however old) he should get over the fact that he saw a bit of blood. Christ I hope he wasn't in the delivery room Hmm

InfiniteVariety · 08/08/2018 10:31

period shaming may not be what's happening to the OP, but it IS indeed a thing cloudtree

LowPainThreshold · 08/08/2018 10:32

I'm seriously aghast at some of these posts. MN has me baffled sometimes.

I'm guessing you mean he is upset because he saw a used tampon rather than because you are flushing them down the toilet?

If that's the case then he needs to grow up. Either that or he can pay to install a separate toilet in case his poor delicate little man eyes ever happen across the result of a woman on her period again.

Fresta · 08/08/2018 10:34

Flushing a tampon; the ultimate Mumsnet crime! MNetters the world over will be shocked and appalled!

adviceonthepox · 08/08/2018 10:34

You shouldn't have tried to flush it and your partner was right to tell you so. That is not period shaming! Serves you right if you end up with blocked drains and believe me raw sewage coming up drains and toilets is disgusting and a nightmare to deal with!!!

Gatehouse77 · 08/08/2018 10:34

If such a thing happened here DH would complain - just as he would about anything left unfleshed in the loo.

It's not period shaming, how you described it, but pointing out a hygiene mishap..

Ansumpasty · 08/08/2018 10:34

‘Period shaming’

What on Earth. YABU. What’s nice, ‘wee shaming? Breathing shaming? Heartbeat shaming?

Honestly, you’d probably think the same if you walked in and he hadn’t flushed a massive turd. You can’t blame him for not wanting to see your bloody used tampon.

YAABU for flushing it.

Ansumpasty · 08/08/2018 10:34

Next! *

PrtScn · 08/08/2018 10:34

I wouldn't have classed that as period shaming. Either he's a prude about feminine products, or he's rightly concerned that you shouldn't flush tampons down the loo.
I regularly have to tell my partner off for trying to flush ear buds down the toilet. He's nearly 50 and should know better!

Cutesbabasmummy · 08/08/2018 10:36

riiiiight 100% with you! Well said!

DarlingNikita · 08/08/2018 10:38

I don't know about 'period shaming' (must we have a buzzword for everything?) but he needs to grow the fuck up.

Those giving it cats-bum mouths about flushing tampons, give it a rest. The OP has said more than once it was accidental and a one-off.