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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

124 replies

Zoe614 · 08/08/2018 07:08

Hi!

A quick question for you all. So a bit of background, I’m 24 this year, and always spend it at the family home as I’ve no partner etc. I do still live at home at the weekends, but have to travel with work Monday to Friday.
My parents and I usually stay in and just have cake and watch a film etc. or go for a walk in the countryside.
However, this year, my dad is a season ticket holder at the local rugby club - and one of the matches falls on the Saturday of my birthday.
I approached my dad and asked him not to go and miss the game, as I want him to spend the day at home with me, but he is adamant that he refuses to miss it. He says that it is the one thing he has in his life that he enjoys to do for himself, paid all that money so doesn’t want to miss it. He said life shouldn’t all be about me all the time (as I often make it that way).
It is only for two hours in the afternoon yes, but I can’t help feeling really upset by it all, and like he doesn’t care about my day whatsoever. We have had huge arguments over it all.
Am I being unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/08/2018 07:10

Yes yabu.

Your an adult, celebrate your birthday a different day if it means that much!

user1471451564 · 08/08/2018 07:11

Yes you are. It's only a couple of hours. There will still be lots of time in the rest of the day for him to spend with you.

LordEmsworth · 08/08/2018 07:11

YABU. Insisting that your parents stay home all day with you on your birthday is unreasonable.

9amTrain · 08/08/2018 07:11

Yabu yeah.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 08/08/2018 07:12

Spending it at home, you mean your birthday?

You cant make someone do things you want them to do that they don't want to do.

Raines100 · 08/08/2018 07:12

YABU! Grow up.

HelpmeobiMN · 08/08/2018 07:13

I think YAB a bit U. It is only for a couple of hours - could you not fit your birthday celebrations around it? E.g. a nice lunch before or dinner after? Or on the day before?

I often celebrate my birthday with my parents too but I wouldn't expect them to give up a whole day for it, and if my actual birthday isn't free because of work or other commitments, we just celebrate on the nearest convenient day. I think you need that flexibility as an adult.

Nannyplumshairstyle · 08/08/2018 07:13

YABU!
Why don't you go out with mates or go shopping/ have a massage/ pedicure or something?

Raven88 · 08/08/2018 07:13

YABU he can miss one birthday and your an adult so they aren't as important.

Returnofthesmileybar · 08/08/2018 07:13

Yabu, massively so, you are 24 for crying out loud and you want your Dad to sit in to either eat cake and watch a movie or go for a walk instead of doing something she really enjoys for two hours of the day. God if my kids are that needy at 24 I'll be pissed off. You are 24, go out with friends, live and leave your Dad to live too

Mari50 · 08/08/2018 07:14

YABU, you’re 24 not 4.
It’s only two hours.
Expecting your dad to stay at home and eat cake and go for a walk rather than enjoy something he is interested in is unreasonable.

Neshoma · 08/08/2018 07:14

Are you 6 years old, or an adult woman?

Wilma55 · 08/08/2018 07:14

Grow up!

InspectorIkmen · 08/08/2018 07:14

What Raines said x 1000

HeddaGarbled · 08/08/2018 07:14

Yes, sorry, you are being unreasonable. You can still celebrate your birthday with your parents after he gets home. I wouldn’t expect my family to be at my beck and call all day on my birthday, so long as I saw them for part of it.

TanteRose · 08/08/2018 07:15

wow, YABVU

if my 20 year old daughter told me I had to spend her birthday with her, at the expense of what I wanted to do, I would not be happy either!

Anyway, he will be back in the evening so what's all the fuss?? even if he wasn't, sheesh...you sounds like hard work! sorry

PersianCatLady · 08/08/2018 07:16

Could you go out with your friends for a couple of hours whilst your Dad is at the rugby?

MynameisJune · 08/08/2018 07:16

Yes YABU, you are 24 not 4! Don’t you have friends you can go out with? Or if your mum is around why not go out together whilst your Dad goes to Rugby. Life doesn’t revolve around you even on your birthday.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/08/2018 07:16

Yes

happystory · 08/08/2018 07:18

Poor old Dad, sounds like he's had enough!

MsHopey · 08/08/2018 07:19

My dad hasn't sent me a birthday card or text since i was 16 because he's too busy with my twin Hmm
Actually text me on my 18th birthday asking for a favour, I said I had plans and I was too busy and he had a sulk about it. He never said happy birthday but had made birthday plans with my twin brother so knew it was my birthday.
I'd find it hard to get worked up over 2 hours, especially as you're now an adult. I think you need to get some better friends or something and start stretching your wings or something. Or even just got for afternoon tea or similar with just your mom for a few hours.

DuchessofManchester · 08/08/2018 07:20

Sorry op but you are being unreasonable. You've still got the morning to go for a walk etc. Use the time to get your nails done or chill for a few hours then lovely family dinner that night?

bigchris · 08/08/2018 07:21

Okay you're getting a lot of stick on here and no doubt will come back with you've got anxiety, no friends etc etc

Is your mum around ? Could you go for afternoon tea together ?

Could you go and watch the rugby with your dad ?

Anniegetyourgun · 08/08/2018 07:24

Are you seeing this as a test of whether your father cares more about you than about his treat? I am sure you are far more important to him than rugby in the general scheme of things, but that doesn't mean that he must always give you exactly what you want to the exclusion of what he wants. Think of it this way: does your birthday (which comes every year) matter more to you than the happiness of your dad (of whom you have only one)? Can you not spare him for that little time because it will mean so much to him? It's unfortunate the match is on the same day as your birthday but life is all about juggling conflicts and clashes. Learning to share and compromise is key. If your parents haven't taught you that yet they've missed a rather important part of what they should have been teaching you as you grew up.

(Can't help wondering whether this is some kind of reverse thread though.)

Hassled · 08/08/2018 07:24

You really are being unreasonable - but I think you probably know that. Let your dad enjoy the rugby.

But this is maybe a time to have a bit of a think about why this matters to you so much - you spend weekends with your parents and work away during the week. Do you have your own friends/social life? If not - how can you improve things there? Are there any clubs you could join - hobbies, etc? On the basis of what you've said, you are unusually dependent on your parents for company - is it time to branch out a bit?