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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

124 replies

Zoe614 · 08/08/2018 07:08

Hi!

A quick question for you all. So a bit of background, I’m 24 this year, and always spend it at the family home as I’ve no partner etc. I do still live at home at the weekends, but have to travel with work Monday to Friday.
My parents and I usually stay in and just have cake and watch a film etc. or go for a walk in the countryside.
However, this year, my dad is a season ticket holder at the local rugby club - and one of the matches falls on the Saturday of my birthday.
I approached my dad and asked him not to go and miss the game, as I want him to spend the day at home with me, but he is adamant that he refuses to miss it. He says that it is the one thing he has in his life that he enjoys to do for himself, paid all that money so doesn’t want to miss it. He said life shouldn’t all be about me all the time (as I often make it that way).
It is only for two hours in the afternoon yes, but I can’t help feeling really upset by it all, and like he doesn’t care about my day whatsoever. We have had huge arguments over it all.
Am I being unreasonable? Honest opinions welcome.

OP posts:
Creatureofthenight · 08/08/2018 08:22

This surely is not real.

RebootYourEngine · 08/08/2018 08:23

Wow just wow.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/08/2018 08:26

YABVVU. You are 24. Go to the pub with your mates or go and have an afternoon with your mum. It is 2 hours he is away and you are an adult not a 4 year old.

This may be my own experience as my DDs are 20 and 25 and i rarely see them on their birthdays as they have actual lives separate from me, but surely it isn't normal to want to spend and entire day with both parents on your birthday when you are in your 20's?

Talcott2007 · 08/08/2018 08:29

What have you done on years when your birthday doesn't fall on a weekend? You mention that you work away during the week - Do you therefore take annual leave on years you have a weekday birthday? Do you parents work? Surely you haven't made everyone have the day off on your birthday to ensure the whole day is focused on you!!

SoyDora · 08/08/2018 08:30

YABU. You’re 24. Have you got any friends you can do something with? I was living at home at 24 before starting a graduate scheme but I didn’t spend birthdays with my parents, I spent them with my friends.
It’s 2 hours out of a day doing something he enjoys, which he has paid for. How could he be being unreasonable?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/08/2018 08:31

First time poster that start with Hi! 😐

rjay123 · 08/08/2018 08:36

Have you no friends to spend your birthday with?

BarbaraofSevillle · 08/08/2018 08:36

Totally reasonable that your dad shouldn't have to miss the rugby when it falls on your birthday.

I'm sure if he gives the club a call, they'll move the game to Sunday, so he doesn't have to neglect his fatherly duties. After all, it would only mean thousands of people rearranging their plans, so you don't have to be a little bit flexible about celebrating your birthday a day later than it actually falls.

rjay123 · 08/08/2018 08:36

PS - waiting for the dripfeed

HollowTalk · 08/08/2018 08:38

Reverse and written by the step mother.

ScreamingValenta · 08/08/2018 08:40

I understand how you feel, as I always like to spend my birthday with my parents, especially now they're old. I always have a fear that it will be the last birthday I spend with them.

However, you've said the match is only for a couple of hours, so it sounds like something you could work round and still have a nice day. You could all go for a walk in the morning, and then you could watch a film with your mum while your dad is at the rubgy - then all have a lovely meal together in the evening.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 08/08/2018 08:43

If this is true then it's really rather sad.

Pinotwoman82 · 08/08/2018 08:46

This is not real surely??

Candywaves · 08/08/2018 08:48

Unpopular opinion but I don't think its as unreasonable as it's coming across. I'm 26, my dad works away most of the year and often misses my birthday. I don't think its unreasonable for her to want to spend the whole day with him. If it was flipped people would probably guilt her into spending the day with her poor old dad purely because she is his daughter and that's what's right.
I think it's stupid to argue about it, but don't think its unreasonable to want to spend the day with her whole family on her actual birthday.

RedPanda2 · 08/08/2018 08:48

You need to grow up a bit, OP. Don't you have any friends to see? I don't think spending all day every birthday with your parents is normal or desirable.

batshitbetty · 08/08/2018 08:50

Yes you are being unreasonable. When you become an adult your birthdays lose importance for other people (unless it is a 'big birthday')

pinkhorse · 08/08/2018 08:51

This is definitely a reverse. Does your daughter not have her own life or friends op?

iamkahleesi · 08/08/2018 08:54

Sorry, you're being utterly ridiculous.

SoyDora · 08/08/2018 08:54

Actually I’ve just remembered my 24th birthday! I had split up with my BF of 8 years 2 weeks previously so I went for lunch with my dad then went out and drowned my sorrows with my friends in the evening.

SparklyMagpie · 08/08/2018 08:56

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sort yourself out love, time to grow up

LlamaPyjamas · 08/08/2018 08:58

YABVU. It’s not a special birthday like 21. And it’s just a birthday - you get a gift and a celebration, not a full princess day. Even my DS understands that daddy is out today but he’ll be back to have cake with us tonight.

ReginaBlitzkreig · 08/08/2018 09:03

Take this as an opportunity to do something different for your birthday. I'd go to rugby with your Dad and have celebratory drinks (bought for me) while chatting up rugby players, personally.

BeenThereDone · 08/08/2018 09:04

Totally unreasonable.... I love my rugby and would sell you before I missed a game... Especially if I had a season ticket.... Do you know your father at all???
In all seriousness you are 24 not 5. Its a bit strange that it will be a Saturday night, I know you said you don't have a partner but surely you can make plans with friends instead?

Juells · 08/08/2018 09:09

I think it's stupid to argue about it, but don't think its unreasonable to want to spend the day with her whole family on her actual birthday.

She's 24 and lives at home, apart from weekdays. Wants to control everything in the house because it's her birthday Confused

I hope this is a reverse. If not... grow up and let your father have his rugby game.

fleshmarketclose · 08/08/2018 09:21

My dd is the same age, on her birthday I generally don't see her as she spends it with friends and her boyfriend which I consider pretty normal. She generally pops in here for cake and presents on the day before her birthday. YABU, you are an adult, your df shouldn't have to miss a match to entertain an adult on their birthday. You should be getting out and making a life for yourself so you are too busy next year on your birthday to spend much of it with your parents.