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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cleaner ate our snacks

247 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 08/08/2018 06:26

I’ve always said to our cleaner ‘help yourself to tea and biscuits’. I’m not the teabag and biscuit counting type so I don’t know if she did. She comes with her young dc Hmm.

Yesterday we came home to a brand new pack of 4 breakfast bars down to only one. It could only be the cleaner and dc.

There’s a difference between opening something with a countable number and having a biccie or 2.

Aibu to think this is taking the piss?

OP posts:
anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 16:30

taking a breakfast bar really isn’t the same as taking a biscuit.... at all!
Firstly a lack of biscuits is what - £1. A package of 4 breakfast bars is about £3

Also - to everyone saying well you can afford to have a cleaner so can afford the food- it’s not really the point is it. I can afford a car but don’t give a lift to all and sundry. I can afford to eat out, but don’t take my (imaginary) cleaner out for a meal

Nikephorus · 08/08/2018 16:41

Thing is, she took 3 out of 4 breakfast bars which is 3/4 of a packet. If she'd taken 3/4 of a packet of rich tea / bourbons etc. then everyone would have been thinking what a porker she was and how the OP was so not unreasonable. Same thing if she'd been offered bread and had taken 3 of 4 toasted teacakes when the loaf of sliced bread was sat there. If you're being offered something you don't go for the most expensive available (particularly when what you're doing isn't up to scratch)

Lynne1Cat · 08/08/2018 16:43

Does she do a decent job?
Is she reliable?

If yes, then forget a couple of bloody biscuit bars. I'd say if you can afford to have a cleaner, you can't be bad off.... perhaps leave some stuff out for her? Don't be tight.

MrsChollySawcutt · 08/08/2018 16:48

Actually, it's a bit irrelevant whether you consider biscuits and breakfast bars to be pretty interchangeable or diametrically different. The OP offered the cleaner and her DC 'snacks'.

That's a pretty loose term, and as far a I'm aware no other guidance as to what was and wasn't acceptable or what quantity was allowed. Presumably the OP meant for the cleaner and her DC to all have a 'snack' and not all share one snack or for the kids to sit and watch the mother eat?

OP if you care this about £2 worth of breakfast bars please don't go playing Lady Bountiful and offering snacks at all.

Chartreuse45 · 08/08/2018 17:02

If you are "starving" then bread, pasta etc (simple carbohydrates) do not stop your hunger. You need minerals and vitamins, your body keeps sending hungry signals until your daily requirements are filled. Therefore a cereal bar, with its complex carbohydrates (oats), dried fruit, possibly yogurt for calcium etc is much more likely to keep you satisfied for longer.

WhentheDealGoesDown · 08/08/2018 17:11

I barely even glance at usernames. It’s so weird to dig into posters like that

If someone starts a thread about a cleaner eating 3 breakfast bars, and makes such a drama of it, one does tend to wonder what other threads they have started Grin

Kemer2018 · 08/08/2018 17:44

I used to clean houses and wouldn't even consider eating there. Crumbs to clear away, plus it would mean more, unnecessary time on the job.
I took a cuppa from my home in a thermos and drank in the car between jobs.
It's nice that you offer this food but why is it necessary?

CSIblonde · 08/08/2018 17:47

This reminds me of a houseshare where the new girl said help yourself to the choc cake I made, then complained "I didn't mean take that much". We were all embarrassed. It's better to be religiously clear re what offers entail, as people's idea of what's OK vary. (Massively) . I'd put a biscuit plate out by the kettle & put any other ones somewhere else.

AFigTree · 08/08/2018 17:49

It’s not a big deal. Her life is harder than yours. Let it go.

anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 19:21

Her life is harder than yours. while yeah this a silly thread over biscuits - how the fuck can you know that!! The op may be suffering depression while the cleaner is happy in herself. The op may have suffered a recent bereament etc. What defines an easy life is not the ability to afford a cleaner. What defines a hard life is not being a cleaner. My mil was a cleaner - made enough money to fund the deposit for all her kids houses and was a very happy lady.

Livedandlearned2 · 08/08/2018 19:29

I'm a cleaner, I don't have a hard life. I make good money and I enjoy it.

Bibesia · 08/08/2018 19:47

Does she do a decent job?
Is she reliable?

Try reading OP's posts? She's said she doesn't do a decent job.

Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 08/08/2018 19:49

I seriously doubt she has a better life than I do. And to the pps saying ‘why do you come on at odd times, start threads etc.’ It’s because I find mumsnet a distraction while in hospital waiting rooms and in general it keeps my mind off things.

I didn’t say anything to her and did not intend to. I was just baffled at something I myself would never dream of doing and wanted to know if others thought it was normal.

To those saying I’m forcing the poor cleaner to come during school holidays with her kids. She never asked to bring children and never discussed it. She has on several occasions not turned up without explanation or apology until I text and say, I notice you didn’t come and she will say ‘oh, my washing machine broke down so I had to wait for the man.’ I don’t know many jobs where you could get away with not turning up.

I’m sure if she wanted to not come and stay home with her dc during holidays she would. If she has to pay for childcare she’s in the same boat as most people here.

Yes, I could sack her but I hate confrontation and already have a lot on. Even the stress of getting to know a new cleaner etc is not something I want. Sometimes some of the things get done and that’s enough for the next few weeks.

I thought I was being kind in saying help yourself to tea and biscuits but I’ve been told her now that I’m stingy and hard work.

Dh had the mild tiny irritation of going without breakfast for a few days, as buying more would be an extra trip to the supermarket. Not world shattering but given the general piss taker she has been, I just put it in the same pile of cf things she has done.

OP posts:
anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 20:06

Erm I was sticking up for you op. It’s this shitty attitude to cleaners that drives me mad. Why does everyone assume that someone on a low income is somehow unhappy. Some of the most content people I have known don’t earn a lot (and I earn a Lot but doesn’t mean I’m always carefree)

anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 20:07

And in fact you’re almost proving the point - you’re sitting in hospital waiting rooms, are upset and needing a distraction - is your cleaner having these issues?

WhentheDealGoesDown · 08/08/2018 20:09

Cleaners probably have a higher hourly rate than shopworkers, factory workers and a lot of office workers and have a more flexible working lifestyle. Whats bad about that

WhentheDealGoesDown · 08/08/2018 20:12

I seriously doubt she has a better life than I do. And to the pps saying ‘why do you come on at odd times, start threads etc.’ It’s because I find mumsnet a distraction while in hospital waiting rooms and in general it keeps my mind off things.

This sounds like the cleaner must have a terrible life if it is worse than OPs or maybe I'm reading it wrong.

hottotrotsky · 08/08/2018 20:13

Can't believe someone would start a thread about this.

Begrudging a few breakfast bars is piss poor.

QueenOfIce · 08/08/2018 20:36

Why is it piss poor? Is it because the lady in question is a cleaner and so therefore must be struggling or because the op has a cleaner? It's piss poor to help yourself to 3 of anything that you've specifically opened belonging to someone else.

AFigTree · 08/08/2018 20:39

Another name again

I didn’t say the cleaner was unhappy. I said her life is harder.

Anyone who has to clean my house to pay the bills has a harder life than me.

anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 20:47

@fig - I beg to differ. When I was young I worked as a barmaid for year - I now run my own business. I can safely say that my life was much easier when I was a barmaid. I didn’t take my troubles home, I just did my shift and left no bother. I probably had more disposable income even though I earned a pittance as had fewer outgoings. And Again - my MIL paid a good chunk towards the deposit for my first house thanks to her cleaning job ( and there were five kids and she did the same for each)

anothernameagain000 · 08/08/2018 20:54

And honestly “Anyone who has to clean my house to pay the bills has a harder life than me.” really?? Does Gordon Ramsey have a harder life than me if he prepares my food? Does the airline pilot who takes me on holiday have a harder life as he’s transporting me?

AFigTree · 08/08/2018 21:40

Hmmm... all I can say to those who really don’t like my post is that I have witnessed a lot of poverty and have am sensitive to the hardship that it can bring. I am making assumptions here of course but surviving on a cleaner’s wage is hard. I had a lovely Bulgarian cleaner and I really felt for her- she was not young, not in good health, but really needed the money to pay her overpriced rent in a horrible area (and before anyone asks I paid her well above the living wage). I am not one of those middle class women who pretends my life is just as tough as those who are much poorer than I am- that’s ridiculous. Of course not all cleaners are poor but many are, especially in London where not even the ‘living wage’ is enough to live on (that’s great a pp’s mil did very well as a cleaner). It’s odd to me how many people find my perspective offensive but then this is mumsnet.

AFigTree · 08/08/2018 21:44

Anothername

Ok I think you’re just being ott because pilots are very well paid and Gordon Ramsey is a millionaire. Not really comparable. Now the person who scrubs Gordon Ramsey’s kitchen floor, probably on minimum wage... that’s a tough gig.

All I am saying is that I’m aware of my privilege which os the same type of privilege most people with a cleaner will share.

DowntownDallas · 08/08/2018 22:13

It’s this shitty attitude to cleaners that drives me mad. Why does everyone assume that someone on a low income is somehow unhappy.

Anyone who has to clean my house to pay the bills has a harder life than me.

I find the idea that cleaners are on a low wage interesting . Lots are self employed on £13-15 an hour and working 40+ chargeable hours a week over 46 weeks earn more than some teachers and nurses etc. They are self employed business people