Or do all 18 year olds take drugs?

[Twistella]

Dd17 hasn't been out much recently. Whr. I asked her why she said that all her friends take drugs. Even going to the pub they might take tramadol or xanax. It's ketamine and Es at a party or gathering. And spliff all the time.

Dd likes a drink but hates smoking and drugs. She is very open with me and I'm normally very relaxed but is this normal? We've discussed trying to hang out with new friends but she seems drawn to the "cool kids". She's at a normal state 6th form.

Twistella - the same happened to my friend at 15, absolutely terrifying, she had no idea of the effects and basically just downed her drinks one after another so the effect hit her at once, her mum was furious at us but we were all fine as had drunk normally that evening, called the ambulance and looked after her etc. So scary for all involved.

Why the need to buy cider for someone underage.

Why the need to buy cider for someone underage.

Meh, there isn't really. I grew up with grandparents who drank - grandfather beers in the evening after work, my grandmother might have a few glasses of wine in a week, or when we would go out for a meal.

I was allowed to dip my dummy in my grandads beer, and could have a very weak shandy occasionally in late primary school, mostly lemonade with a drop of beer to make it go golden. As I got older, a glass of wine or something at Christmas was allowed.

As an adult, I rarely drink. I don't think it's caused me to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

Surely in a job where it mattered you have to ensure you do not do anything that could jeopardise that though, if you are a police officer for instances I suspect any criminal conviction is a game changer. Totally different discussion . . .

Law firms. Banking and investment firms. Barristers. Pretty much any media company. Anywhere in the City. There was that stat good around a few years ago that 1 in 10 banknotes in circulation was contaminated with cocaine. Totally normal in many many professions

When ds1 started drinking at parties

I tried to give him some advice

1. Know how much you've had to drink...if you've forgotten what you've had its probably too much

1. Dont mix your drinks

1. Keep an eye on your drink...dont let someone put a triple vodka in if you think you are getting a single etc

1. Avoid shots...they are incredibly hard to keep track of

Nothing too prescriptive ...

1st home party, he mixed, he took shots...not in a shot glass!!, and he had no idea what he'd drunk

2nd home party was a bit better...he said 'i know exactly how much i drank' and i said excellent

Then he showed me the 'bar gates' on his arm

No.

For all those that say it didn't do them any harm you might not have the addiction issues.

I think it would be playing with fire to put temptation in the way of a potential addict.

I think addiction is a genetic disease and if you have it in your family you are playing Russian roulette allowing young children to experience alcohol or drugs. You don't know what their reaction to it will be.

@oliversmumsarmy anyone in the world has the potential to be an addict. Anyone can get addicted to anything at any point in their lives. And I wouldn't say 15 is not a young child.

I had my first alcopop at 12 without my parents knowledge and first got drunk at age 13 again without my parents knowledge. I hope my DS won't drinking at that age but at 15/16 I'd rather he had the occasional one at home than behind my back.

My family all have a fairly relaxed attitude towards alcohol and none of us have had any issues with it.

The professionals who go round advising in schools (with many many years experience) actually recommend you allow your DCs alcohol in a controlled manner. They say if teens are having a party then you should buy them a couple of cans or bottles and speak to the other parents whose DCs are going. They do not advise to ban it.

Addiction is a different issue. It is not relevant to this discussion as it really isn't caused by a bit of underage drinking. I totally understand why you feel against drinking when you have had or been around people with addiction issues. I just don't think it is relevant for most people.

FIL is an addict and neither of his DCs have addiction issues, they both get drunk occasionally and have the odd drink on other occasions. Nothing abnormal though. It doesn't always follow.

SILs mum is an addict however and I can see that due to SILs mental health ssues she could quite easily go that way as when she is unhappy she goes out drinking lots.

My dads parents never really drank and didn't allow him to drink either, my nan got drunk once in her whole life at 21. He drinks a lot when he's out and also drinks way more regularly than I would want to, he can go weeks without drink and doesn't drink in the day unless on holiday. It's so dependant on the individual.

They say if teens are having a party then you should buy them a couple of cans or bottles and speak to the other parents whose DCs are going

I've never heard this advice. Dd2s school says no alcohol at all below 16 then only with written permission from the other parents! Apparently it is illegal to provide alcohol to anyone under 16 visiting your home although I haven't checked that!

There is a world of difference between never drinking and never really drank.

As for the experts recommending you allow your DCs alcohol in a controlled manner. How does that work if your religion forbids alcohol. Does that mean Mormon children are going to go wild with whisky because their parents have banned alcohol.

If everyone is teaching their children to drink sensibly and I am in the tiny minority I.e. apart from one other parent I know whose DD also doesn't drink because her mother who also is tea total banned her from alcohol. Why are there so many drunken teens and 20 something on the streets.

They are not saying you should do that for every child of couse but if they are going to parties with drink then to ensure it is controlled otherwise they will get hold of spirits etc (from parents drinks cabinets and so on) or way more drink than they could handle which of course is dangerous. I am talking 15/16 YOs not younger (so Y11 I guess).

Religion is totally irrelevant, if their beliefs mean they don't drink and the children follow the religion then presumably they also won't drink, that isn't banning it, it is a belief.

It is not the schools advice, apparently many schools are giving advice to say no alcohol at all whereas the professionals are saying if they are going to do it then to ensure it's controlled. I don't think I worded my post well, I definitely wasn't saying that you SHOULD do that for every child, sorry.

I don't think everyone teaches their children to drink sensibly, I think many people have their head in the sands, ban it or just don't care at all, all variations will have differing outcomes. We won't all get it right, there are several posters on this thread who have 2 or 3 DCs who are all very different.

Banning it may work for some, allowing a controlled amount may work for others. In both instances you will still get the extremes, I am not sure why you can't see just because it works for you it wouldn't always work for everyone.

I haven't banned alcohol! I think this thread had wandered off topic a bit which was 18 year olds taking drugs.

I'm 25 my group of friends and a few others (friends of friends) seem to be the only ones who don't take drugs, it's really normal now and you're the odd one out to not take them.. as scary and disgusting as that is, especially just for a night in the pub! I don't understand it!

Twistella - that wasn't aimed at you, it was Oliversmumsarmy that has banned drink and drugs so her DCs don't, and won't take them or drink.

Apologies, I think it derailed quite early as many people see it as similar drinking/drugs.

When I was in my teens I was in groups who did take a lot of drugs compared to the average teenager I would say. From my experience it was the ones who had the strictest parents who misbehaved and lied the most.