Or do all 18 year olds take drugs?

[Twistella]

Dd17 hasn't been out much recently. Whr. I asked her why she said that all her friends take drugs. Even going to the pub they might take tramadol or xanax. It's ketamine and Es at a party or gathering. And spliff all the time.

Dd likes a drink but hates smoking and drugs. She is very open with me and I'm normally very relaxed but is this normal? We've discussed trying to hang out with new friends but she seems drawn to the "cool kids". She's at a normal state 6th form.

[Cheeseandapple]

That was really petty of me but why bother commenting on my thread like that earlier? Not helpful or nice.

[Lookingforadvice123]

I think it's more common than people think in the public school crowd. I went to a state school and there were a few weed smokers (stoners) in my year, but went I went to university and started going with a former (prestigious) boarding school pupil, I learned that harder drugs eg cocaine were apparently rife! I think it's because they have more money. Not many kids in my year could've afforded to buy themselves cocaine...

[StylishMummy]

I'm mid 20's and the majority of my school year group now think it's great to go into the local night clubs/pubs and get 'sniffed up'

I think it's an absolute epidemic but no idea how it can be stopped

[orangeju1ce]

I did most of my drug taking between 15-17, by the time I turned 18 and went to uni I was bored with it all to be honest, and was fed up with the selfish losers that it had turned some of my friends into.

[Twistella]

It's not prevalent at dd2s private school in year 11 - maybe the odd spliff. Lots of smoking and drinking.

Dd1 is at state 6th form, this is the cool crowd, all expected to do well at a level and with offers from good unis. All taking xanax to go to the pub and ketamine and Es at the weekend. These drugs are cheap.

[Mixedupmumma83]

Drugs are a big problem in my area.

I never have done them although my friends have it didn’t change anything. I wasn’t interested and their body their choice, whether I agree with it or not.

From personal experience most people in my area do drugs socially.... cocaine is very prevalent, it’s actually more unusual for people not to do it..... I’m not a teenager either sad to say so this refers to people of an age range anywhere from teens to mid 40’s-50’s.

[FlappyFeet]

Not all but I think a massive % do, at least weed if not more.

It's a worry for sure.

[Tunnocks34]

All my friends and I did. I know a few, smart 18 year olds who didn’t. I didn’t take drugs to go to the pub, but I’d go to night clubs regularly and take coke. Never did ket/pills/weed.

Most of my friends did Ket but I hated the way it made them act.

We were all stupid. All from loving, sheltered homes who thought that we were untouchable and just having a laugh. Stupid, selfish and naive in retrospect.

[Tunnocks34]

Also, I have seen an increase in children I teach smoking/drinking. Weed as a massive issue in the school I teach as are pills. Talking some year 10 and 11s doing these things regularly

[londonrach]

That this generation, tbh i knew very few that did myself growing up and they were seen as losers and kinda were. Think you need a chat with ds. What he friends like

[agnurse]

I never took drugs as a young person. I have heard about "pharm parties" (take whatever you find in the medicine cabinet and bring it to the party; people just take random medications) and "magic juice" (similar idea but you just throw everything in the punch bowl) and mention them to my students when I teach pediatric nursing. Many of them are (quite appropriately) horrified.

Even when taken in "safe" doses these drugs can be INCREDIBLY dangerous. For example, it's possible to become addicted to methamphetamine after about 6 months of use and it's very difficult to fully come off it. Not to mention that if you become psychotic from meth it's almost impossible for you to come back from that. Marijuana use in young people is linked to an increased risk for schizophrenia. Cocaine can cause heart attacks due to spasms of the coronary arteries.

[FrozenMargarita17]

I never did. They frightened (and still frighten) me.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Zany mine are 16 and 18.

What I have seen is other mothers berating me for the outright ban. They teach their DC moderation. A glass of wine with dinner. Then the dc go to college and go completely mad.

DD is working like her bf. Both trying to break into a notoriously difficult industry.
Whilst holding down several part time jobs.

To be frank she doesn't have time to drink or do anything that would compromise her ability to get to a job at short notice.

Ds is anti drink and drugs etc. He doesn't care about what people think or if he doesn't get invited to parties. He too is working on another career as well as what he is going to college to learn so he has plenty to occupy himself.
He is into health and fitness so the only E he is likely to be looking at are vitamin E rather than anything else

[ZanyMobster]

I do think going a bit mad with drinking is a normal part of growing up though, outright ban could lead to DCs being deceitful though. I am not suggesting that yours will be, I know a few DCs who are, like your DS, into fitness etc or doing a course relating to that at Uni so they do not really drink at all. I also remember that friends of mine who had outright bans of anything just went behind their parents backs and did whatever they wanted anyway. DH is one, his parents had outright drinking and going out bans until he was 18, he didn't have any sort of open relationship with them and lied regularly as a result as they would have gone mad at him.

I don't think how busy you are has any relevance to whether you go out and drink etc.

Do you think an outright ban means someones DCs won't drink at all? I don't and think that it would essentially be no different that they go off to college or uni and do the same as someone who drinks in moderation, although potentially worse as will have no tolerance or understanding of their limits. I guess I could liken it to kids parties, those kids who have never been allowed sweet or chocolate and fill their plates up with just jaffa cakes and haribo whereas the others have a normal plate of food and take just 1 or 2 biscuits.

One thing - do you actually tell your 18 yo (adult) child they are not allowed to drink? I do think drugs are different though, I don't think it is unreasonable to tell your DCs you expect them not to take illegal drugs.

[ZanyMobster]

Oliversmumsarmy I really don't want you to feel like I am berating you, I do respect that everyone is different but I am just saying that IME and also that of the professionals I not only work with (within drug and alcohol abuse services) that the DCs who get into the most trouble are those who do not have people they can speak to openly or whose parents go mad at them if they drink/take drugs.

I am genuinely interested in why you feel an outright ban of older children who could potentially get married, have DCs, live on their own is a reasonable thing to do or effective. Potentially it could be that they would have chosen to not drink regardless due to their career choices etc, I actually don't believe you banning them has made them behave that way.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

I don't think banning children from alcohol stops them drinking tbh. Some drink and some don't. Same with drugs. We've always let ours have a small beer or a glass of wine with dinner occasionally once they were 15/16. One doesn't drink at all now he's an adult, one drinks moderately and one will drink at any given opportunity!

[Bineverywhere]

I was at a naice grammar 30 years ago and of my year group, I knew of 48 who'd tried drugs by end of fifth year.

It was substantially different price-wise then, coke was £70/gram and an E was £15-20. So most would have cannabis or LSD which were significantly cheaper.

Then at uni I had a bit of speed (budget) - but the overwhelming majority of us simply abused alcohol as students traditionally do.

The cost MUST be a factor in all of this I'm sure.

The long-term mental health implications worry me. I used cannabis last about 15 years ago and had a full-blown psychotic episode lasting 72 hours... But I'm aware people in my age range (mid 40s) use coke - it's naice... Like appreciating red wine and holidaying in Provence.

I see the misery it brings to the poor. Plus who wants to stick something up their nose that's potentially been up someone's arsehole?

[justforareply]

DD 19 now. Gradually moved away from her friends of age 15 as she was so bored of the drug stuff - planning when to take their MD, how much it was etc - before going to club. Then being at club and everyone else being off their faces. She went through a short weed phase at 16 and used to drink age 15-16 at parties.
At uni - not been to a single club and drank about 3 prosecco's in freshers week.
DD 16 - many friends smoking weed since 13 and she has no interest and is moving away from them
Sometimes it did feel as if all children my DC mix took drugs

[justforareply]

And just for context, I took a fair bit of different stuff 16-24

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I don't think banning children from alcohol stops them drinking tbh

Well in my case it does.

I have seen the alternative of parents teaching their DC to drink responsibly and neither I nor my DC think it is a pretty site.

OTOH I have their mothers telling me exactly what you are telling me and I have DC reporting back that their children are the ones that are completely off their heads because their parents have made it cool to drink.

My DC have seen the effects drink and drugs have had on our family and don't want to go down that route.

It also helps that I don't drink and so I am not going to buy a bottle of wine to have with dinner. Why would I teach drinking when I don't drink.

Equally I am vegetarian. My DC have never had meat. Why would I go out and buy a chicken to cook to teach my DC to eat meat.

Sometimes I do get the impression that parents teach their dc to drink because they don't want someone casting a disapproving eye over their drinking or they just want a drinking buddy

I have taught them they don't have to partake in anything just because everyone else is doing it and if that means they don't get invited to things then that has more to do with others than them

[Honflyr]

The majority of my friends smoked weed throughout secondary school. Some did ketamine, but cocaine and MDMA ("Mandy" when I was that age) was more popular. Some experimented with acid and shrooms. About 5 years ago.

[ShouldofWouldofCouldof]

No they dont all take drugs. she needs to find new friends, maybe a hobby that with interfere with her education. Shes doong the right thing by staying away but she wants to becareful she doent isolate herself and end up lonley. She sounds very sensible though op.

[ShouldofWouldofCouldof]

*won't interfere with... silly phone

[ZanyMobster]

Couldn't agree with this more I have taught them they don't have to partake in anything just because everyone else is doing it

I don't think anyone teaches their DCs to drink or to eat meat, it's a legal lifestyle choice that we choose to do or not, do you ban your DCs from meat either or are they free to make their own choices as adults (or almost adults).

I enjoy a drink or two, mostly in moderation, occasionally not but it's fun and sociable. I also often drive on a night out so don't drink at all, also fun and sociable. The extremes are totally different which is what you seem focused on, not everyone, including teens go out and get wasted every weekend. As I said we have several alcoholics in the family and we are hugely aware of that slippery slope and how you get to that point.

OTOH I have their mothers telling me exactly what you are telling me and I have DC reporting back that their children are the ones that are completely off their heads because their parents have made it cool to drink.

And in my experience I have witnessed the complete opposite of this. I guess that's what is so good about MN, you can hear about and learn from other peoples experiences and hopefully understand that your(and my) way is not the only or correct way and that potentially we will all have DCs who grow up to be kind, caring and sensible (mostly) adults regardless of whether they drink or not. Presumably that is all of our aims.

To pick up what a PP has mentioned re cost, Es or equivalent are now as low as £2.50 (I live in an area that is low cost for drugs due to accessibility of getting them here), that is a mega cheap night out if you take a pill and drink water. When we were teens it was around a tenner for an E or wrap of Speed, still a cheap night out in comparison. Cost is a real issue.

[Twistella]

I'd never ban drinking for an 18 year old, that's just bizarre.

I have bought my almost 16 year old the odd bottle of fruit cider.

She's just come back from pony club camp. A poor kid whose parents are very controlling and ban drinking, social media etc (she's 15) ended up drinking so much vodka she ended up in a and e