Or do all 18 year olds take drugs?

[Twistella]

Dd17 hasn't been out much recently. Whr. I asked her why she said that all her friends take drugs. Even going to the pub they might take tramadol or xanax. It's ketamine and Es at a party or gathering. And spliff all the time.

Dd likes a drink but hates smoking and drugs. She is very open with me and I'm normally very relaxed but is this normal? We've discussed trying to hang out with new friends but she seems drawn to the "cool kids". She's at a normal state 6th form.

[BitchQueen90]

I have never taken any illegal drug of any kind, not even weed and neither have my friends. I know plenty of others who have though and I was drinking alcohol from age 13.

[Twistella]

GreatDuckCookery I've been really shocked by it. I'm no snowflake either, grew up in London and went to uni in the 80s. Dd wants to be a teacher so I'm guessing drugs convections are a no no?

There's a big disconnect between our own family values and the reality of what's out there which naively I am only just discovering! Also the guy who is dealing the drugs is off to Oxford and is super clever. So he's not a loser. Which doesn't help

[mineisarossini]

Just seen your update on dd2 op.

It isn't the smoking perhaps, but just the general path your dd may be avoiding. She is unlikely to be harmed too much by being with them, but maybe they pressure her to smoke, or tease her for not doing so, so it is easier for her just to avoid them altogether.

She is taking care of herself.

I cross the road to avoid a smoker by the way, because the rancid smell makes me feel sick and it tends to cling to my hair until I wash it. So your dd is not the only one who avoids it like the plague. My dh is the same, I think most non smokers find it repulsive.

[Twistella]

mineisarossini thank you. We also have a loving happy home. I am going to make a concerted effort to tell dd how she's doing the right thing, not sure how to do it without being patronising though!! I am grateful that she talks to me about it and isn't trying to deal with it on her own.

[GreasyHairDoNotCare]

I am 18. Never touched drugs and never plan to.

I can see the appeal of going out and getting twatted every night though. If I didn't have my son to look after that's probably what I would be doing just because I can and it's what everyone else is doing.

[mineisarossini]

Yes exactly your home is a good place for them, the sports you share etc and the relationship that have with you feels healthy to them, they probably have much less of a need to socialise (and maybe compromise themselves) because they are quite content with life at home.

I worried a lot, and posted a thread on here because my older dd has made similar choices to yours, and has chosen to see less friends because of it. I had lots of replies congratulating me on my responsible dd, and I should be grateful she is being so sensible. And why the hell would I want her to be with girls like that anyway!
Good point, I guess my concern was seeing her go out less, and would it impact her negatively. I did praise her choices and have had a great summer with her.

They are all finding their own way, and I have a clean living teen and wouldn't want to change that for the world. I hope she finds girls like yours to hang out with!

[letmepeeinpeace]

My 19 year old Ds doesn't but he's 'friends' take a mix of ecstasy and coke

[flamingofridays]

not all of them do, a lot do. I never did, but at parties and stuff there was usually people doing something.

not just at the pub though! I went to a wedding once where there were grown arse men doing coke in the toilets (of a v nice hotel) I was only 19 myself and told them exactly what I bloody thought of that.

I don't agree with drugs and don't wanna do them myself, but theres a time and a place imo - its great your dd is open with you.

[ReggaetonLente]

Drugs, especially party drugs and prescription pills, were far more widely used amongst my grammar school friends than my ‘home’ friends, who tended to come from much more working class backgrounds and often had more difficult upbringings. I think there is something about pressurised academic environments that can make some teens look for a release.

[Elphabaisnotwicked]

I’m 18, and yes the majority of my friends like drugs, some every weekend, some just occasionally, they’re not bad people or wasters and I think it’s unfair to label them as such.

[Donthugmeimscared]

When I was a teenager all my friends did. I have never taken drugs in my life but it didn't stop me going out and having fun with them I just said no and as they were my friends they respected that.

[CharltonLido73]

I think it is great that she has sufficient strength of character to be able to stand aside and not let herself succumb to peer pressure. She's making her own reasoned decisions, which will stand her in good stead in the coming years.

It's also great that she has an outside interest in sport; could she develop closer friendships with some of the teenagers she meets through the sport? My elder daughter had a wide range of friends through the sport she used to compete in - all from outside school.

She is also not far off leaving school and possibly going to university, where she will be able to find a new friendship group.

[DerelictWreck]

ts not just 18 year olds, im in my 20s and almost everyone i know tales drugs. even people i dont know, normal women with full time jobs, (make up artists, admin staff, retail workers) tweet about taking ketamine and cocaine on nights out

Different circles mean vastly different experiences - I'm also in my 20s and don't know anyone who takes drugs regularly. Non of my friendship group or extended friends do on nights out!

[Turquoise123]

Well good for your daughter for doing her own thing - they sound like a very dull crowd. Hope that she finds some new friends who are not so feeble and can actually enjoy themselves without having to self-medicate. Bravo

[PasswordRejection]

I'm in my thirties now but back when I went to uni, there were quite a few students from boarding schools in my halls. Pretty much all of them took drugs regularly. I came from a state sixth form college where the only drug taking that went on was some of the "loser" kids smoking weed.

Drug taking in boarding schools seems to have long been part of the culture. I don't understand why not more is done to address this problem.

[spanishwife]

Things have really changed. Not many teenagers/young adults binge drink like we would have at that age. I think it's the wave of health trends (clean eating, gym etc). It's all about drugs now, with a huge rise in popularity of Xanax, which gives you a long lasting buzz.

[CatsBreathSmellsLikeCatfood]

I didn't but my 17 yo brother does and so do all his friends. I don't like it at all but it seems to be almost expected.

[drspouse]

I was at school in the dark ages but I did my undergrad at a more "normal" university and my postgrad very shortly after at a much more "pressurised" university and it's true about the pressurised environment (and also students having more disposable income - at the time it was quite pricey).

I would suggest something more sociable and time consuming like volunteering, maybe with children if she wants to do teacher training - leader with Cubs/Brownies, helping at a holiday club or after school club, maybe one for children with disabilities if that's the route she wants to go down, or volunteering/working at residentials? (I imagine something like PGL is not completely squeaky clean but it's not exactly going to be awash with drugs!)

[Prettysureitsnotok]

Good for her for knowing what she wants, but being openly judgemental probably won't help her much. I've never been a big drinker but my friends are definitely druggies, my mum hasn't even heard of most of the stuff I've tried. The thing is, if you take it seriously (which most people don't) - by testing your drugs and dosing them accordingly, I genuinely believe they are no more dangerous than alcohol (or crossing a main road). I have always found it much easier to stay in control and have a good time by taking a small dose of a substance which suits my mood and environment, over the unpredictability of getting blackout drunk. Not that there are only two options, I just think people get oversensitive about drugs because of the people who are completely irresponsible. I really think they should be legalised, standardised, and allowed to be made safer by experts.

[Twistella]

Drug taking in boarding schools seems to have long been part of the culture. I don't understand why not more is done to address this problem

These are state 6th form kids.

[Twistella]

Prettysureitsnotok I have met many people with this attitude towards drugs and tbf the ones who have grown older happy and healthy are the ones that don't touch them any more. I still know a good few that firmly believed this back in the 80s and the ones that still cane coke and valium are pretty fucked now. The moderate drinkers seem to be the happiest and healthiest.

[pointythings]

In my DD's state school there are some that do, but the drug of choice is still alcohol. DD1 is 17 and is not into any of that - some of her friends do drink but they know that she doesn't and won't pressure her.

The ones how use drugs other than alcohol are viewed with some disdain - but it probably varies from school to school. It helps that DD1 is not a 'cool' girl - she's a nerd with Goth tendencies and her friendship group reflects that.

It is shocking how normalised drug use has become though. I go to a support group for families of people with substance misuse issues because my H was an alcoholic (and it cost him his life recently) and it's so horribly common.

[specialsubject]

not much cool about these no-life saddos, with no hobbies and no way of having fun except with drugs. they must be really boring even when not stoned.

Giles Coren had an interesting rant in the Times last week. It was about the filth of music festivals, but he also points out that the drugs taken by the rich kids contribute directly to the gang deaths of the poor kids, because gang violence is fuelled by the drug trade. and of course sometimes the rich kids arent buying what they think they are and they die too . These are the ones you hear about with the pouty facebook selfie , the devastated parents and the tributes that describe the dead one as 'beautiful ' because they achieved nothing.

and that is why drugs are for losers.

[SluttyButty]

It's very prevalent in this age group yes and seen by some as normal but no they don't not all take them. I have a sensible 18 yr old daughter who does drink sometimes but not often and doesn't do drugs. But some of her group do so she frequently turns down invites to go out and stays home instead.

[Twistella]

pointythings I am so sorry to hear that and your dd sounds lovely. I always assumed any dd of mine would be a goth with nerd tendencies (me at 16) but I have amazonian sporty children who look like wags