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AIBU?

Or do all 18 year olds take drugs?

167 replies

Twistella · 07/08/2018 23:46

Dd17 hasn't been out much recently. Whr. I asked her why she said that all her friends take drugs. Even going to the pub they might take tramadol or xanax. It's ketamine and Es at a party or gathering. And spliff all the time.

Dd likes a drink but hates smoking and drugs. She is very open with me and I'm normally very relaxed but is this normal? We've discussed trying to hang out with new friends but she seems drawn to the "cool kids". She's at a normal state 6th form.

OP posts:

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beeefcake · 11/08/2018 17:12

When I was in my teens I was in groups who did take a lot of drugs compared to the average teenager I would say. From my experience it was the ones who had the strictest parents who misbehaved and lied the most.

ZanyMobster · 11/08/2018 16:48

Twistella - that wasn't aimed at you, it was Oliversmumsarmy that has banned drink and drugs so her DCs don't, and won't take them or drink.

Apologies, I think it derailed quite early as many people see it as similar drinking/drugs.

mehhh · 11/08/2018 10:43

I'm 25 my group of friends and a few others (friends of friends) seem to be the only ones who don't take drugs, it's really normal now and you're the odd one out to not take them.. as scary and disgusting as that is, especially just for a night in the pub! I don't understand it!

Twistella · 11/08/2018 10:35

I haven't banned alcohol! I think this thread had wandered off topic a bit which was 18 year olds taking drugs.

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ZanyMobster · 10/08/2018 11:14

They are not saying you should do that for every child of couse but if they are going to parties with drink then to ensure it is controlled otherwise they will get hold of spirits etc (from parents drinks cabinets and so on) or way more drink than they could handle which of course is dangerous. I am talking 15/16 YOs not younger (so Y11 I guess).

Religion is totally irrelevant, if their beliefs mean they don't drink and the children follow the religion then presumably they also won't drink, that isn't banning it, it is a belief.

It is not the schools advice, apparently many schools are giving advice to say no alcohol at all whereas the professionals are saying if they are going to do it then to ensure it's controlled. I don't think I worded my post well, I definitely wasn't saying that you SHOULD do that for every child, sorry.

I don't think everyone teaches their children to drink sensibly, I think many people have their head in the sands, ban it or just don't care at all, all variations will have differing outcomes. We won't all get it right, there are several posters on this thread who have 2 or 3 DCs who are all very different.

Banning it may work for some, allowing a controlled amount may work for others. In both instances you will still get the extremes, I am not sure why you can't see just because it works for you it wouldn't always work for everyone.

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/08/2018 10:32

There is a world of difference between never drinking and never really drank.

As for the experts recommending you allow your DCs alcohol in a controlled manner. How does that work if your religion forbids alcohol. Does that mean Mormon children are going to go wild with whisky because their parents have banned alcohol.

If everyone is teaching their children to drink sensibly and I am in the tiny minority I.e. apart from one other parent I know whose DD also doesn't drink because her mother who also is tea total banned her from alcohol. Why are there so many drunken teens and 20 something on the streets.

Twistella · 10/08/2018 08:27

They say if teens are having a party then you should buy them a couple of cans or bottles and speak to the other parents whose DCs are going

I've never heard this advice. Dd2s school says no alcohol at all below 16 then only with written permission from the other parents! Apparently it is illegal to provide alcohol to anyone under 16 visiting your home although I haven't checked that!

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ZanyMobster · 09/08/2018 15:11

My dads parents never really drank and didn't allow him to drink either, my nan got drunk once in her whole life at 21. He drinks a lot when he's out and also drinks way more regularly than I would want to, he can go weeks without drink and doesn't drink in the day unless on holiday. It's so dependant on the individual.

ZanyMobster · 09/08/2018 15:07

The professionals who go round advising in schools (with many many years experience) actually recommend you allow your DCs alcohol in a controlled manner. They say if teens are having a party then you should buy them a couple of cans or bottles and speak to the other parents whose DCs are going. They do not advise to ban it.

Addiction is a different issue. It is not relevant to this discussion as it really isn't caused by a bit of underage drinking. I totally understand why you feel against drinking when you have had or been around people with addiction issues. I just don't think it is relevant for most people.

FIL is an addict and neither of his DCs have addiction issues, they both get drunk occasionally and have the odd drink on other occasions. Nothing abnormal though. It doesn't always follow.

SILs mum is an addict however and I can see that due to SILs mental health ssues she could quite easily go that way as when she is unhappy she goes out drinking lots.

BitchQueen90 · 09/08/2018 15:02

@oliversmumsarmy anyone in the world has the potential to be an addict. Anyone can get addicted to anything at any point in their lives. And I wouldn't say 15 is not a young child.

I had my first alcopop at 12 without my parents knowledge and first got drunk at age 13 again without my parents knowledge. I hope my DS won't drinking at that age but at 15/16 I'd rather he had the occasional one at home than behind my back.

My family all have a fairly relaxed attitude towards alcohol and none of us have had any issues with it.

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/08/2018 14:47

For all those that say it didn't do them any harm you might not have the addiction issues.

I think it would be playing with fire to put temptation in the way of a potential addict.

I think addiction is a genetic disease and if you have it in your family you are playing Russian roulette allowing young children to experience alcohol or drugs. You don't know what their reaction to it will be.

daffodillament · 09/08/2018 14:31

No.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 09/08/2018 14:29

When ds1 started drinking at parties

I tried to give him some advice

Know how much you've had to drink...if you've forgotten what you've had its probably too much

Dont mix your drinks

Keep an eye on your drink...dont let someone put a triple vodka in if you think you are getting a single etc

Avoid shots...they are incredibly hard to keep track of

Nothing too prescriptive ...

1st home party, he mixed, he took shots...not in a shot glass!!, and he had no idea what he'd drunk

2nd home party was a bit better...he said 'i know exactly how much i drank' and i said excellent

Then he showed me the 'bar gates' on his arm

bananafish81 · 09/08/2018 14:22

Surely in a job where it mattered you have to ensure you do not do anything that could jeopardise that though, if you are a police officer for instances I suspect any criminal conviction is a game changer. Totally different discussion . . .

Law firms. Banking and investment firms. Barristers. Pretty much any media company. Anywhere in the City. There was that stat good around a few years ago that 1 in 10 banknotes in circulation was contaminated with cocaine. Totally normal in many many professions

Honflyr · 09/08/2018 11:22

Why the need to buy cider for someone underage.

Meh, there isn't really. I grew up with grandparents who drank - grandfather beers in the evening after work, my grandmother might have a few glasses of wine in a week, or when we would go out for a meal.

I was allowed to dip my dummy in my grandads beer, and could have a very weak shandy occasionally in late primary school, mostly lemonade with a drop of beer to make it go golden. As I got older, a glass of wine or something at Christmas was allowed.

As an adult, I rarely drink. I don't think it's caused me to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/08/2018 11:09

Why the need to buy cider for someone underage.

ZanyMobster · 09/08/2018 11:04

Twistella - the same happened to my friend at 15, absolutely terrifying, she had no idea of the effects and basically just downed her drinks one after another so the effect hit her at once, her mum was furious at us but we were all fine as had drunk normally that evening, called the ambulance and looked after her etc. So scary for all involved.

Twistella · 09/08/2018 10:40

I'd never ban drinking for an 18 year old, that's just bizarre.

I have bought my almost 16 year old the odd bottle of fruit cider.

She's just come back from pony club camp. A poor kid whose parents are very controlling and ban drinking, social media etc (she's 15) ended up drinking so much vodka she ended up in a and e

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ZanyMobster · 09/08/2018 10:20

Couldn't agree with this more I have taught them they don't have to partake in anything just because everyone else is doing it

I don't think anyone teaches their DCs to drink or to eat meat, it's a legal lifestyle choice that we choose to do or not, do you ban your DCs from meat either or are they free to make their own choices as adults (or almost adults).

I enjoy a drink or two, mostly in moderation, occasionally not but it's fun and sociable. I also often drive on a night out so don't drink at all, also fun and sociable. The extremes are totally different which is what you seem focused on, not everyone, including teens go out and get wasted every weekend. As I said we have several alcoholics in the family and we are hugely aware of that slippery slope and how you get to that point.

OTOH I have their mothers telling me exactly what you are telling me and I have DC reporting back that their children are the ones that are completely off their heads because their parents have made it cool to drink.

And in my experience I have witnessed the complete opposite of this. I guess that's what is so good about MN, you can hear about and learn from other peoples experiences and hopefully understand that your(and my) way is not the only or correct way and that potentially we will all have DCs who grow up to be kind, caring and sensible (mostly) adults regardless of whether they drink or not. Presumably that is all of our aims.

To pick up what a PP has mentioned re cost, Es or equivalent are now as low as £2.50 (I live in an area that is low cost for drugs due to accessibility of getting them here), that is a mega cheap night out if you take a pill and drink water. When we were teens it was around a tenner for an E or wrap of Speed, still a cheap night out in comparison. Cost is a real issue.

ShouldofWouldofCouldof · 09/08/2018 09:46

*won't interfere with... silly phone

ShouldofWouldofCouldof · 09/08/2018 09:45

No they dont all take drugs. she needs to find new friends, maybe a hobby that with interfere with her education. Shes doong the right thing by staying away but she wants to becareful she doent isolate herself and end up lonley. She sounds very sensible though op.

Honflyr · 09/08/2018 09:32

The majority of my friends smoked weed throughout secondary school. Some did ketamine, but cocaine and MDMA ("Mandy" when I was that age) was more popular. Some experimented with acid and shrooms. About 5 years ago.

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/08/2018 09:28

I don't think banning children from alcohol stops them drinking tbh

Well in my case it does.

I have seen the alternative of parents teaching their DC to drink responsibly and neither I nor my DC think it is a pretty site.

OTOH I have their mothers telling me exactly what you are telling me and I have DC reporting back that their children are the ones that are completely off their heads because their parents have made it cool to drink.

My DC have seen the effects drink and drugs have had on our family and don't want to go down that route.

It also helps that I don't drink and so I am not going to buy a bottle of wine to have with dinner. Why would I teach drinking when I don't drink.

Equally I am vegetarian. My DC have never had meat. Why would I go out and buy a chicken to cook to teach my DC to eat meat.

Sometimes I do get the impression that parents teach their dc to drink because they don't want someone casting a disapproving eye over their drinking or they just want a drinking buddy

I have taught them they don't have to partake in anything just because everyone else is doing it and if that means they don't get invited to things then that has more to do with others than them

justforareply · 09/08/2018 09:09

And just for context, I took a fair bit of different stuff 16-24

justforareply · 09/08/2018 09:07

DD 19 now. Gradually moved away from her friends of age 15 as she was so bored of the drug stuff - planning when to take their MD, how much it was etc - before going to club. Then being at club and everyone else being off their faces. She went through a short weed phase at 16 and used to drink age 15-16 at parties.
At uni - not been to a single club and drank about 3 prosecco's in freshers week.
DD 16 - many friends smoking weed since 13 and she has no interest and is moving away from them
Sometimes it did feel as if all children my DC mix took drugs

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