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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have overruled dh?

114 replies

Talllila · 07/08/2018 20:30

I'm seething over the way dh has just spoken to ds.

My 10 year old ds has just got ready for bed, he asked if he could watch tv until 8.30pm which was less than 30 minutes.

I thought this was fine as I was having a shower, youngest is asleep, and dh had said he was going to do some work stuff paperwork while I had my shower, at 8.30pm ds would've gone to bed to read and dh and I could have watched tv together.

Ds was really happy he could watch tv and had rushed downstairs to put his programme on. He always gives up the tv for his younger brother and he's been at holiday camp for the bulk of the day.

All I heard was dh shrieking that he was watching tv, told ds to go to bed with a book and how he hasn't watched any tv at all and to go to bed.

Poor ds was saying how mummy said he could and dh was just shouting go to bed.

I went downstairs and I said no I'd agreed for ds to watch television until 8.30 and so it's only fair he can.

I'm really peed off the way dh shouted at ds, I think he needs to wake up and realise that ds isn't a baby anymore that we can just send to bed out the way at 7 o'clock.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 20:36

If you'd booked the TV for a certain time, you should've told your DH.

On the other hand, he sounds like a bit of a grumpy git who could've handled it better.

DeadGood · 07/08/2018 20:40

I’m with you OP. Poor kid. They have a real sense of injustice at that age too.

Toocold · 07/08/2018 20:43

Yanbu. My 10 year old has been going to bed later in the holidays, your dh needs to get used to losing his evenings but gaining his mornings, my teenager doesn’t go to bed until 10-10.30ish but is still up at 6.. also have to book tv and Xbox time here.

Allaboutalex · 07/08/2018 20:43

Booked the tv? I am very grateful that I don’t have to book the tv in our house. I missed the part where the op’s dh “booked the tv for a certain time”

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 07/08/2018 20:44

Your DH sounds like an unpleasant wanker.

ednclouda · 07/08/2018 20:45

Talli sorry have you only got one tv in your house I realise how that sounds and do apology But have you ?

Eliza9917 · 07/08/2018 20:48

Your DH was out of order to shout at him.

Is he his biological dad?

FelicityFoxworth · 07/08/2018 20:48

lol at telling your husband you've booked the tv

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 20:48

I missed the part where the op’s dh “booked the tv for a certain time”

You didn't miss it because it didn't happen.

What did happen was that the DH was already watching something, because he didn't know and the OP didn't check, before telling their son he could watch it.

If for example I was in the middle of watching Corrie and one of my kids expected to just walk in and switch channels, because "Dad said I could", I wouldn't be too happy with my DH.

I would've handled it better though as it wasn't the child's fault.

Original poster

Talllila · 07/08/2018 20:50

There's a tv in our bedroom but it only has amazon fire stick I think ds wanted to watch some football thing on record.

I'm sort of of the mindset that dh and I have to accept our evenings will be pushed back a bit because ds is older now.

Ds has had to accept sharing the television with his younger brother after being on his own for a long time so he deserves to watch it in peace when his sibling is in bed.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 20:50

So you'd all be happy to just give up watching something you're in the middle of because your husbands/partners told the kids they could watch the TV at a certain time, without saying anything to you first?

Northernparent68 · 07/08/2018 20:53

I think part of the problem is that your eldest son has to give up the tv for your youngest son, which would explain why he was so over pleased to be watching tv.

If this is a one off I’d let it go, if your husband is a bit shouty then it needs a discussion.

Original poster

Talllila · 07/08/2018 20:54

I do see you point absolutely, but in our house it's certainly not unusual for ds1 to watch tv until that time, he only really gets that hour once his brother is in bed because his brother doesn't give him a minutes peace any other time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Talllila · 07/08/2018 20:59

No ones told ds1 he must give up the tv but he gets Xbox time and a lot of the time he lets his baby brother watch it to give everyone a quiet life.

OP posts:

Northernparent68 · 07/08/2018 20:59

Thinking about worra is right, and it depends on how your son asked if he just changed the channel or was rude when he asked his father.

minisoksmakehardwork · 07/08/2018 21:00

I think the issue is as your dh changing what he was going to be doing as you letting ds watch tv.

You said he was going to be doing some paperwork, so he could have let ds have half an hour of tv. However, at 10 I also expect your ds to be old enough to not just change the channel without checking his dad wasn't watching a programme.

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2018 21:01

Maybe you need to work on taking turns with your younger child?

Your oldest shouldn’t have to let his younger brother make all the decisions.

Ocicat · 07/08/2018 21:02

What did happen was that the DH was already watching something, because he didn't know and the OP didn't check, before telling their son he could watch it.

The DH had announced he had some paperwork to get on with, so it’s not surprising the OP didn’t think he was watching TV.

crimsonlake · 07/08/2018 21:03

I am assuming your child will be going in to yr 6 ? Then I think since it is the Summer holidays your DH is unreasonable to expect your child to be banished to his room to read so early in the evening.

youarenot · 07/08/2018 21:04

If the OPs DH said he was going to do some paperwork for work, then why on earth would she think he was watching TV?!

RB68 · 07/08/2018 21:04

I think its so easy to just press record these days its crazy to make such a big song and dance. If he doesn't normally watch you just ask, what are you doing down now isn't it bedtime - response is Mum said I could have 30 mins TV. Her DH handled it badly and overreacted

We only have the one TV and I don't want any more thank you as its good to work out what you are watching so everyone happy, good for being social and living with others and sharing!! Its not like 8.30 is mega late anyway

IceCreamFace · 07/08/2018 21:04

WTH? Why on earth was he shouting in the first place? Even if he didn't realise you'd said yes to the TV why didn't he just ask DS to go to bed or tell him that he was already watching something. There is absolutely no need for shouting and being aggressive. The TV issue is really no big deal. It would seem to be nice of DH to just watch his show later on catch up when DS is in bed but that's neither here nor there the shouting over it is ridiculous. Is that how you would want DS to react to his younger brother?

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 07/08/2018 21:05

Dh was already watching tv. Its fucking rude to walk in and change the channel whether you're 10 or 100. Sounds like dh thought ds should have already been in bed so dh didn't react well.

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2018 21:05

As much as I find the whole arguing over the tv bizzare, if our daughter said "mum/dad said I could watch x"both of us would immediately have said fine, not started shrieking and sending her to bed. But as you're clearly married to someone who wouldn't do that, I think you need to communicate better in advance.

It does seem there is a wider problem though, you keep saying about having your evening pushed back and your husband needing to accept that, like he doesn't want to spend time with his children, he just wants them out his sight.

If that's the case your issue is much larger.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/08/2018 21:06

YABU. If DH was mid way through watching something you can't just announce that someone else is watching something different now.

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