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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have overruled dh?

114 replies

Talllila · 07/08/2018 20:30

I'm seething over the way dh has just spoken to ds.

My 10 year old ds has just got ready for bed, he asked if he could watch tv until 8.30pm which was less than 30 minutes.

I thought this was fine as I was having a shower, youngest is asleep, and dh had said he was going to do some work stuff paperwork while I had my shower, at 8.30pm ds would've gone to bed to read and dh and I could have watched tv together.

Ds was really happy he could watch tv and had rushed downstairs to put his programme on. He always gives up the tv for his younger brother and he's been at holiday camp for the bulk of the day.

All I heard was dh shrieking that he was watching tv, told ds to go to bed with a book and how he hasn't watched any tv at all and to go to bed.

Poor ds was saying how mummy said he could and dh was just shouting go to bed.

I went downstairs and I said no I'd agreed for ds to watch television until 8.30 and so it's only fair he can.

I'm really peed off the way dh shouted at ds, I think he needs to wake up and realise that ds isn't a baby anymore that we can just send to bed out the way at 7 o'clock.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 07/08/2018 21:06

Nasty selfish man! He's obviously the child in your house.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:06

It's not unreasonable for your DS to watch TV. It is unreasonable for you to tell him he can do so, then insist on him being able to do so even though the TV was already in use.

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:06

You are right about the youngest and we are working on this, honestly we are but that's a whole other thread and the youngest has only just turned 3.

I didn't know dh had apologised and apparently they'd had a cuddle and watched a football programme together. I have apologised to dh that he'd had to change his programme but did explain how I felt about giving ds a chance to watch tv.

Ds definitely wasn't rude.

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 07/08/2018 21:06

Poor child, not been with parents, all day and then made to feel in the way.
Why have kids?

Bibesia · 07/08/2018 21:06

Invest in another TV, or get one of them to watch via a computer.

Tinkobell · 07/08/2018 21:07

Your DH needs to act like a man and apologise to your DS.

Mousefunky · 07/08/2018 21:08

You should’ve shouted down to DH “DS is coming down now to watch TV for half an hour before bed” and if DH had an issue with it, do you have any other device DS could watch it on? We have MacBook and iPad for example.

DH was grumpy and should apologise.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 21:09

The DH had announced he had some paperwork to get on with, so it’s not surprising the OP didn’t think he was watching TV.

True, I forgot about that as it goes.

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:09

Exactly crimson ds is 10 and it's the holidays staying up until 8.30pm isn't late.

OP posts:
Charolais · 07/08/2018 21:11

People are assuming the OP’s husband was watching the TV - like there’s nothing else to do in your home. We have more than one TV and often times neither of them are on for the entire evening, sometimes all day.

BackforGood · 07/08/2018 21:14

YWNBU to say your ds could watch, but your dh wasn't U to be cross if your ds came in and switched over when dh was part way through watching something.
Your dh wasn't U to send him to be if that is what you have been doing up to now and changed it without mentioning it - even though I, and many other posters probably feel it is a bit odd for a 10 yr old to be expected to be in bed for 7.30. If that has been your rule up until that moment, then you needed to call down the stairs to dh that you'd said he could.

Anyway, glad it is all resolved now.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:15

I have apologised to dh that he'd had to change his programme

He was definitely watching something.

So, from his point of view, he was watching TV, his son or step-son came down and changed the channel, and when he said no his wife "overruled" him because she had already said the boy could watch it...even though the DH was already watching it.

Would really wind me up, OP, sorry.

BackforGood · 07/08/2018 21:15

No-one is assuming Charolais - it is mentioned in the OP (5th paragraph).

Flyingpompom · 07/08/2018 21:16

@romanyroots what a bitchy thing to say! Who says the child hadn't been with his parents all day? You're seeing a snapshot of bedtime, that's all.
I presume you think no-one should have kids if they have to work?

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:18

We definitely don't send ds to bed at 7.30pm, it's 8.00-8.30pm lights out at around 9.

I feel as though dh would like to get him to bed earlier as although he hasn't said this, he will keep helpfully 'suggesting' ds go to bed.

I feel dh needs to accept ds is older now and we will lose those evenings to ourselves for a while, that's life, we have children.

Ds is really good at going up and just reading or drawing quietly he's a good kid dh needs to get off his back imo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:20

Peng we didn't know dh was watching anything.

Dh had told me he was going to do some paperwork while I had a shower.

Me and dh don't usually start watching tv until 8.30-9.00pm.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/08/2018 21:20

Ok you need to address this with him op, when your kids can't hear. It's not ok what your husband is doing and it's not fair on your son. Resentment will grow there and you'll both regret it when he's older.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:24

Talllila

Tough, you should have checked.

Northernparent68 · 07/08/2018 21:26

I’m wondering if it’s the lack of consultation that irritates your husband

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:27

I wouldn't deliberately send ds to change the channel on someone, but in my mind dh and I had agreed to watch tv after a certain time.

Ds has done everything I'd asked showered, pyjamas, brushed teeth, he's been really helpful today, he'd asked really nicely to watch tv and I did not want to disappoint him.

Dh is an adult, we have record function and a tv in our room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:30

Peng what do you mean tough?

I don't have to consult with dh over when my children can watch tv.

It was a misunderstanding but dh is a grown adult you don't start fucking shrieking at your child because they want to watch the television.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:31

Talllila

That is not the point. He isn't accountable to you. He agreed to watch TV with you at a particular time. In the meantime he decided to watch something on his own. So, the TV was in use. Not only did you not check, but when it became clear that there was an issue you didn't negotiate, you "overruled". I would be bloody furious if I were your DH.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:32

I don't have to consult with dh over when my children can watch tv.

Why? When he is watching something, why don't you have to consult?

I wouldn't be able to bear it, sorry.

MessyBun247 · 07/08/2018 21:32

‘Maybe you need to work on taking turns with your younger child?

Your oldest shouldn’t have to let his younger brother make all the decisions’

Glad you are working on this. Toddlers shouldn’t be allowed to control their older siblings. I have a 13 year old and 2.5 year old so I know what it’s like.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 07/08/2018 21:34

You didn’t do anything wrong, DS didn’t do anything wrong. You need to talk to Dh about DS’s bedtime, the fact he is growing up and the fact that he’s so great with his little brother. He definitely deserves an hour of doing his own thing once DS2 is in bed. You really need to talk to DH about his completely unacceptable shouty, aggressive, behaviour - it’s a deal breaker in my book.

These days it’s so easy to record everything, DH could have just watched whatever he was watching, in half an hour, it’s such a non issue.

There was no need for you to ‘check’ it was ok, DH had SAID he had work to do. Maybe he over reacted because he was ‘caught out’ sloping off😖?

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