To have overruled dh?

[Talllila]

I'm seething over the way dh has just spoken to ds.

My 10 year old ds has just got ready for bed, he asked if he could watch tv until 8.30pm which was less than 30 minutes.

I thought this was fine as I was having a shower, youngest is asleep, and dh had said he was going to do some work stuff paperwork while I had my shower, at 8.30pm ds would've gone to bed to read and dh and I could have watched tv together.

Ds was really happy he could watch tv and had rushed downstairs to put his programme on. He always gives up the tv for his younger brother and he's been at holiday camp for the bulk of the day.

All I heard was dh shrieking that he was watching tv, told ds to go to bed with a book and how he hasn't watched any tv at all and to go to bed.

Poor ds was saying how mummy said he could and dh was just shouting go to bed.

I went downstairs and I said no I'd agreed for ds to watch television until 8.30 and so it's only fair he can.

I'm really peed off the way dh shouted at ds, I think he needs to wake up and realise that ds isn't a baby anymore that we can just send to bed out the way at 7 o'clock.

Do you think your DH loves Ds1?

Someone that’s clearly struggling

noone changes over my tv-but then i dont have kids

best thing was prob to say check daddy isnt watching anything first before yhou put your program on

I don't want to control Dhs life believe me, but equally he doesn't get to waltz in and mess up our routines.

How about the fact that dh doesn't give two shits about turning over ds tv?

I think you should be having this conversation with your DH, not us.

Is DH DS1's dad?

Ineedaholiday that shouldn't make a difference should it?

If he's his dad does that give him any more rights to be spiteful and unfair?

OP I am not excusing his behaviour, but from your posts it appears that he treats DS2 differently, although there is a significant age difference, so that might be the reason. I was just wondering.

OP, ignore the overreactions from posters who apparently have a chip on their shoulder about TV time.

You were perfectly reasonable.

-you had put younger DC to bed and planned to shower. told DH this and he told you that he would be working. of course, you are not psychic so couldn't have known he meant 'i will be watching tv.'
-you grant DS's request to watch some tv since you assume the tv is free.
-you get in the shower. so you can't Check and Double Check!!! (as some posters are suggesting) that the tv is not otherwise in use. you took your DH at his word.
-lo and behold, DH is watching tv. son explains you had said he could watch it. you weren't to know DH had parked himself in front of the set.
-DH goes batshit, for some reason.

If DH planned to watch tv, he should have told you instead of lying about working (trying to sound busy?) If he was still planning to do some work, he was clearly dawdling around and channel hopping. I doubt he was even properly watching, whereas your son had a specific show he wanted to see.

I think you really, really need to have a chat with your DS about fairness and that he needs to acknowledge that older kids have different needs.

It sounds like he's away a lot and everyone struggles when he's back, more so as he's playing favourites by the sound of it.

With your DH obviously.

*Talllila Tue 07-Aug-18 23:04:54
I need to pick up on something here.

Pengwyn you say that I allow my younger child to rule over my older child.

That is not strictly true. I am not solely responsible for my youngest child. It is rather more dh who allows the youngest to rule the roost. I often don't agree with it. Dh gives in to the youngest a lot for a quiet life, and although we all may be a little guilty of this I am not solely to blame.

Dh has many times been happy for ds1 to lose out so that he can get peace and quiet with ds2.

*Talllila Tue 07-Aug-18 23:38:48
No, most of the time he's a pleasant enough, mild mannered bloke, but, I'm realising more that ds1 is getting the short end of the stick a lot, and often that's down to dh wanting a quiet life and I've probably just about had enough of it.

Is your husband DS1's father? Or not but he is the father of DS2?

@Talllila Wed 08-Aug-18 00:29:29
Ineedaholiday that shouldn't make a difference should it?

If he's his dad does that give him any more rights to be spiteful and unfair?

No, but it might explain his behaviour/attitude a bit better.