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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have overruled dh?

114 replies

Talllila · 07/08/2018 20:30

I'm seething over the way dh has just spoken to ds.

My 10 year old ds has just got ready for bed, he asked if he could watch tv until 8.30pm which was less than 30 minutes.

I thought this was fine as I was having a shower, youngest is asleep, and dh had said he was going to do some work stuff paperwork while I had my shower, at 8.30pm ds would've gone to bed to read and dh and I could have watched tv together.

Ds was really happy he could watch tv and had rushed downstairs to put his programme on. He always gives up the tv for his younger brother and he's been at holiday camp for the bulk of the day.

All I heard was dh shrieking that he was watching tv, told ds to go to bed with a book and how he hasn't watched any tv at all and to go to bed.

Poor ds was saying how mummy said he could and dh was just shouting go to bed.

I went downstairs and I said no I'd agreed for ds to watch television until 8.30 and so it's only fair he can.

I'm really peed off the way dh shouted at ds, I think he needs to wake up and realise that ds isn't a baby anymore that we can just send to bed out the way at 7 o'clock.

OP posts:
SillySallySingsSongs · 07/08/2018 21:36

If your DH was watching something its not really on for your DS to walk in and just turn the tv over.

BlackType · 07/08/2018 21:37

I'm not sure why you are getting anything like a hard time here, OP. Your DH said he was doing paperwork. You said your DS could watch TV. How are you supposed to know your DH's "paperwork" consists of watching TV? And there's never any excuse for shouting. But glad your DH has apologised and had a cuddle with your DS.

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:37

Peng I think we will have to agree to disagree.

Dh gets ample time to watch tv, he's not even here half of time because he's working away so he gets plenty of time to himself to watch tv.

OP posts:
SillySallySingsSongs · 07/08/2018 21:38

These days it’s so easy to record everything,

We have no facility to do so.

Lynne1Cat · 07/08/2018 21:40

I feel sorry for your boy. He sounds like a well-behaved kid. He'd been out all day, then expects to watch tv after his shower etc. Your husband sounds a nasty git. I'd have gone bloody mad if I'd been you. My grandchildren are 7 and 4, and in the school holiday (now) don't go to bed until about 9.30 2 nights a week, and 8.30 the rest of the week(only in school holidays) They all watch kids' film together as a family

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:40

Yes, clearly we do disagree. Your poor DH - no wonder he gets frustrated (although he shouldn't be shouting). Imagine this scenario the other way round: you are doing something and your DH comes in and - with no pretence at even talking to you like an equal adult with an equal say - "overrules" you. And then imagine him talking about it online, bewildered like you are, that anyone would ever expect him to, you know, discuss something with you. No, because he is so obviously the boss. Hmm

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:41

We do have record and as it was only around 25 minutes it wouldn't have hurt dh to record whatever it was.

Messybun it is hard and I do need to sort my youngest out, ds1 is so kind and tolerant it's easy to let the youngest rule the roost a lot, the youngest has had a few health issues too so we've probably all babied him but he does have to learn to share.

OP posts:
BlackType · 07/08/2018 21:42

It's weird, the way the 10 yo here is being made out to be some kind of selfish lout who swaggers in, grabs the remote, and boots his dad off the TV. Your son sounds a real sweetheart, OP (my Number One was a horror, who would have definitely done the selfish thing, or would have tried to). There's nothing at all to suggest that he came swanning in, spoiling your DH's fun. It was all just a misunderstanding, and the only 'wrong' thing was your DH shouting about it.

Makes me glad we haven't had a TV for the past decade, though. Grin

Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:43

Dh is in no way hard done by in this household, if anyone looses out it's me and ds1, but believe what you will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Talllila · 07/08/2018 21:47

I'm not sure whether to laugh or get annoyed at the way peng is painting my husband as some sort of victim after he screamed at a child for wanting to watch 25 minutes of television.

Ds1 is an awesome kid and the amount of times that HE has switched HIS programmes off to let his brother watch tv because he's so kind wayyy outweighs this single incident.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:49

Talllila

Get annoyed all you want. YOU allow his little brother to monopolise the TV, so that is a situation of your making. You are also insisting on your right to overrule your DH on whatever you like because it is "a child wanting X" - when else do you do this? It must be so difficult living with your arrogance. Sorry, that sounds really blunt but I would genuinely find it unsustainable.

TeamLannister · 07/08/2018 21:58

OP you haven't done anything wrong and your DS sounds lovely. Not sure why other posters have become so hysterical about it all though...Confused

youarenot · 07/08/2018 21:59

Oh Pengggwn do stop

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 21:59

TeamLannister

This isn't hysteria. The OP asked AIBU? When I said yes, I think so, she said we would have to agree to disagree because she believes she is being absolutely reasonable. The question does arise: why ask? Confused

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 22:00

youarenot

I will say what I like. The OP asked the question. Feel free to agree with her, but feel free to leave me to my opinion too.

spottybetty · 07/08/2018 22:00

I think you need to change things so that your younger ds doesn’t rule the older one and have the tv all the time.

youarenot · 07/08/2018 22:05

The OP thought her DH was doing paperwork, therefore did not think she had to check that her son could watch the TV - because as far as she was aware her DH was not watching it. If my child wanted to do something that I thought did not affect anyone else in the household - especially if I thought the room was empty, I would not be checking with his father first..

I would be pretty pissed off to discover not only was his first reaction to shout, he continued to shout over the child when the child was trying to explain.

So yes, you can have your say of course - but I agree with the OP.

DoJo · 07/08/2018 22:07

But surely the question isn't who gets to watch TV, but how the issue was dealt with. The OP told her son he could watch TV because her husband had said he'd be doing paperwork, and instead of dealing with the confusion (in which nobody was wrong really as far as I can see) appropriately, her husband massively overreacted, lost the plot and shrieked at a 10-year-old.

As an adult who has access to the TV all night should he so wish, I would expect him to let his son watch something, but even if he was adamant that he wasn't going to there was no need to shriek or send the boy to bed!

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 22:08

youarenot

And my view is, once she realised he wasn't doing paperwork, he was in the middle of watching something, her agreement that her son could definitely watch TV needed to be amended: "Of course, if your dad doesn't mind." Turns out he did mind, but in the OP's house that doesn't matter, because she doesn't have to consult on when her son can watch TV...even when someone else is already watching it. Hmm

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 22:10

DoJo

I agree nobody should be shouting and screaming at anyone, but I don't think it is surprising that there is conflict when things are dealt with like this. One parent should not be "overruling" the other when a misunderstanding occurs. There should be discussion and compromise.

bastardkitty · 07/08/2018 22:14

FFS Peng let it drop.

Your husband sounds really unkind OP. I missed my children when they went to their rooms rather than staying downstairs. Your husband wants your son out of the way. What a cock.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 22:24

bastardkitty

Honestly, the more people say things like this, the less likely it is that I will. This is a public comment forum. The OP asked for comments. I made a comment. The OP pretended not to acknowledge that, yes, actually, it is not beyond the realms of possibility that some people might believe her husband has similar rights as a parent to send their child to bed or say no to TV as she does. I disagreed with her. If you want to make into a big deal, here I am, keep going.

bastardkitty · 07/08/2018 22:30

It's not all about you and what you think. So you don't have to say it over and over again.

LyndorCake · 07/08/2018 22:32

But it sounds like, once you realised your DH was using the TV, you made the decision to stop him doing this so your son could. I'm assuming your husband pays towards to television in your house? Do you both own the house? You cannot dictate what a grown up does or doesn't do in their own home. Fair enough, the initial confusion, you didn't realise he would be watching TV when you told your son he could, genuine mistake, but to then insist that he stops so your child can watch TV is unfair. You should have spoken to your DH. His reaction was shit, but so was yours.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/08/2018 22:33

Your OH overreacted massively. He could have said "well I'm watching this, come and watch it with me", or recorded it, or said "no actually, I'm watching TV but you can stay down here and read/draw/play a game/use the iPad" or whatever. He's unreasonable to shout at your DS. I do think you probably should have said "yes you can watch TV as long as dad isn't using it/doesn't mind" but equally he said he was working so you weren't to know.
I'd definitely make a schedule between your two DCs to make if fair screen time, print it out and stick it on the wall so there can be no arguments. So for example: 4-5pm DS1 tv time 5-6pm DS2 tv time, or whatever works. You'll probably have a few tantrums from the LO at first but it'll solve it in the long run

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