To expect best friend to dislike someone who hurt me?

[Mummyinlove1987]

So to cut a long story short, a couple of years ago I was ghosted by my best friend of 10 years (S).When she suddenly cut me out of her life despite my multiple attempts to reconcile.It hurt like hell.I have thought of her everyday since.The past few years have been very hard as there is still a hole in my life and it seems there is always something reminding me of her, as I still live in the area and we share a couple of mutual friends who met S through me but became close and have remained friends.
Anyway, I met up with these mutual friends yesterday (which is always abit awkward tbh...Obviously they now have split loyalties so we tend to avoid talking about S... but the topic is always the elephant in the room)
During the meet up, we were chatting about (not in a nasty way) my now best friend (H) who they know abit through me, and who I have become very close to since losing S.
During this it came out that C had seen H on a night out recently whilst with S, and H was chatting and being friendly with S.
This was like a punch to the stomach for me, as I have confided alot in H about what happened with S and she has always appeared to agree with and support my side.I couldn't believe she would be
nice to someone who has hurt her best friend so badly! Surely her loyalties to me should mean she should have either given S a piece of her mind for mistreating me, someone she supposedly cares about, or ignore her and walk away? (Especially as she was there with her other best friend who also doesn't like S as they fell out years ago too)
H has alot of positive qualities- she is very warm and caring in many ways but unfortunately doesn't have much of a backbone and can be quite 2 faced about people as she seems to always want to be liked by and friends with everyone and avoid conflict.However she was never actually friends with S and only met her afew times briefly with me, so seems wired why they should want to talk anyway.
I challenged her about it last night and she got very defensive and can't seem to see what she has done wrong.I don't know how I could cope with losing another best friend who I care for so much... i am still affected alot by the fall out with S two years on,but I am not sure i can forgive her either.
AIBU to think that if she really cared about me and was a loyal friend she would never be nice to my worst enemy behind my back ?
Please advise, thankyou!

Agree, you sound about 7.

You may not like someone, but your friends are entitled to hold completely different views. It doesn’t make them unreasonable.

In the immortal words of Adam Ant, "No one's gonna tell me what's wrong or what's right, Or tell me who to eat with, sleep with."

Yes, as nearly everyone has said, YABU. Good for you for taking on board the responses to this thread.

Well this is an odd thread. Practically 100% YABU.

You do seem a bit hard work tbh.

However on MN, I have seen many threads over the years, where someone has been 'wendy'ed' or their closest friend has blocked them/ said they don't want them be friends anymore.

And all posters were very sympathetic to each OP.

So it just shows that similar issues can get different responses.

But it's not similar Oblimov18 - this isn't about the person who 'wendied' OP. It's about OP bring cross with new best friend talking to her old best friend!

But in this case, the OP hasn't been blocked by H, or 'Wendy'ed'. It's just that H isn't prepared to hate the OP's ex friend S. And why should she? We don't have the right to dictate to our friends who else they can be friends with.

I think YABU but I would be hurt too but maybe not vocalise it.
My best friend of 20 years ghosted me, just cut me out completely. I think of her everyday, it's like she died. But I haven't been given the sympathy and support that comes when your best friend dies, I don't hate her but I am so so devastated.

So you were friends with one person and haven't spoken for years and you expect your mutual friends to take your side and a new friend to actively hate your ex friend and give your ex friend a piece of their mind.

You sound like you're still in the playground and are really possessive of friends.

All these best friends, I thought the point was 1 :/ I think something must of happened if ur best friend cut you out of her life with no explanation? And does that make her ur mortal enemy? If my best friend got friendly with, for example, a woman who chased after my husband and slashed my tires, I would feel betrayed and confront them, but this woman is just chatting to an acquaintance who she met through you. I think you’re being a little bit sensitive

For the people suggesting it's your fault she cut you out, that is so offensive.
Fwiw my best friend cut me out because I got pregnant and it was inconvenient to her.

For the people suggesting it's your fault she cut you out, that is so offensive

Ffs, were you so desperate to give your opinion reading the thread was justtoo much for you? You needed to get right in there?

She's already said she behaved badly to the friend "s" Needy and controlling,

But hey, we heard you.

Thanks again everyone for the continued support and suggestions

Jackieyoulooknice I can very much relate to your situation as it does sound very similar in some ways.

Bluntness- I was not insinuating as such...i see now that the breakdown of our relationship probably was, in the majority, my fault (which is actually making it easier to finally start getting over it, as I am now losing all the hate and bitterness I've had towards her)
But whilst S was a lovely girl in many ways, she could also be quite insecure and over-sensitive about things too (like me)...so I guess we didn't help each other! Also we both had alot going on that year (i had got married, she was in and out of a on/off long term relationship and we had both recently suffered miscarriages) so I don't think either or us were in the most stable and tolerant place at the time, and I doubt she was finding it easy seeing me trying for a baby again and being happily married.

I apologised profusely to H last night for getting so angry at her and the way I behaved .I explained that whilst it hurt that she had spoken to S, I now see i was being very unreasonable and overreacting about it, and told her she is a wonderful friend who I am lucky to have and would be devastated to lose.
I think i was probably projecting my issues with S onto H as i couldnt have a go at S anymore,but that wasnt fair.
H said she cares for me alot and feels bad that she hurt me, and suggested we meet face to face to chat more which I've now agreed to.
So relieved and happy, but this has all been a major wake up call and learning curve for me.
I really feel i have turned a corner with alot of my issues of being jealous and resentful of those around me thanks to everyone's insightful advice and honest perspectives, however i am not ruling out getting some counselling if need be.

Good for you op, really happy for you.

👌