to ground DS15 for the rest of the summer

[dolphinterritory]

Got into an argument with DS and he told me to "fuck off".

Not impressed at all, absolutely will not accept this, so have told him he is grounded for the rest of the summer - not to go out and see mates, no parties etc. He will only be socialising with us and family/family friends if I see fit.

DH thinks this is unreasonable. AIBU and if so what sort of punishment would you think is reasonable?

Meh. Almost 11yo dd muttered fuck off to me last week so she lost her phone for two days.
I wouldn't stretch out a punishment for the entire holidays.

The whole summer? Who are you punishing, him or you?
It's totally over the top.
What he said was unacceptable. He ought be off WiFi for however many days you deem fit (48 hours?) and doing chores to make up for being so disrespectful. But not 5 weeks inside stuck at home.

The rest of the summer is a bit much. Maybe a week or 2 at a push.

Grounding for a day would be reasonable. Grounding for a month is completely out of proportion.

Totally over the top. He swore. He didn’t assault an old lady or smash someone’s window in.

Sorry but YABU. What he said was rude but the response is just extreme. Grounded for a week seems more proportionate to me.

The whole summer! Unless there is a massive back story that's completle ott. The weekend maybe along with an apology. What would you if he did something really bad

Really over the top

Hmmm can't see it working. Do you really want a grumpy teen under your feet all through the summer holidays? I would have banned his phone/laptop etc until I got a sincere apology, AND he could do chores to earn them back! Process to be repeated if he swore at me again.

You're going to have an extremely bored and frustrated teenager by the end of the summer. Madness.

Bloody hell hes 15, massive hormonal changes. He's out of order but you're over reacting there. Give the kid a break.

Good luck with actually enforcing grounding a stroppy 15 year old for over a month - I have one and this is not something I would attempt.

Yep. YABU I think too.

A week or two max in the summer holidays is proportionate. The rest of the summer is way over the top.

Way OTT. Has it happened before? If not I would be expecting an apology, and then having a chat about when it may be appropriate or not to use certain types of language. I think you accept that things will be said amongst mates that aren't necessarily suitable elsewhere. We have the ' granny test' - if you wouldn't feel comfortable saying it in front of our rather strict 80 year old gran, then keep your mouth shut.
Take his phone for a couple of days - you don't want him under your feet until he goes back to school.

Too harsh, OP.

Err yes yabu. He was very rude and needs a punishment but not a 5 week one!

I’d ground him for a few days, not the rest of the holidays!

Have you never said anything in the heat of an argument that you wouldn't usually say?

Oh gosh ok maybe I have over reacted!

The backstory is that we were arguing over his girlfriend staying round! He has just before the summer holiday got a girlfriend (Same age as him) and he wanted to have her sleepover in his bedroom. I said she could stay if her parents agreed (but I would want to speak to them) and that she would need to be in the spare room. He said I am being ridiculous and none of his friends parents would do that and their girlfriends stay in their rooms. I tried to explain he doesn't know that etc and he told me to fuck off and walked out!

So now I have probably gone overboard to say he isn't going out all summer!

The issue is now I will look weak if I retract it.

Get over yourself

Good grief op don’t be so dramatic. Go and talk to him now and tell him how hurt and angry you feel.

Stop stropping like a teenager yourself and model better behaviour.

I am pretty sure I told one of mine st 15 to fuck off after a row. We don’t do it routinely.

Listen to your dh. He is being far more sensible then you.

Ok so I completely agree about a girlfriend sleeping in a separate room!

You won’t look weak, if you explain you reacted rather than thinking about it. I’ve messed up before and admitted I was wrong, sometimes apologised when it was called for (not that it’s called for in your situation OP). They need to know that parents make mistakes too, but that it’s how we react after it that counts.

When I read the title I thought your DS must have done something really atrocious that perhaps involved the police to warrant such a punishment. I'm with your DH. I think grounding for a couple of days or no Wifi access and some extra chores is suitable payback for a one-off swearing. Ground him for the rest of the summer and you'll damage your relationship with him.

I actually think if you have a conversation with him, and tell him that after thinking about it, you realise you made a hasty decision to ground him and instead will do x, because it’s not acceptable to swear and still needs a punishment, then you’ll look reasonable.

Everyone makes mistakes and it’s far better kids see “my parents are human and reasonable” imo.

Over the top! Fuck would I want a sulky teen in the house 24/7!
Make him apologise and move on.