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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
iLiKESOUP · 05/08/2018 12:23

Maybe he just forgot you wanted a different meal to everyone else. Maybe as you didn't mention it he just thought you wanted stir fry instead. Maybe he's not a mind reader.

Ehm only that I did mention it to him? That was the agreement? And to everyone asking why I didn't make it myself as I came to the kitchen: Even if I ignored the toddler's tantrum, he had agreed to make the soup pour some preprepared soup in a bowl, put in the microwave and switch it on for 3 minutes, how was I to know that he would decide against it?

Anyway, I shouldn't waste any more time on MN while poor DH is babysitting his own child.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 12:23

I don't think DH is a hero for making the food or looking after his child but you're not incapacitated because you're pregnant OP.
You could have put the soup on and it would have been ready in minutes. No big fuss needed.

ISpeakJive · 05/08/2018 12:33

Ah, OP, next time get the soup and just pour it over his head! He won’t forget next time.

Also, I’m still breastfeeding my tantruming 19 month old too Wink

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 12:35

What's going to happen with the tantrumming toddler once the baby is here?

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 12:38

She was incapacitated by toilet issues and a toddler.

Why is everyone unable to comprehend that?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 12:49

When she came down after the loo and after she'd fed Dc and realised the soup wasn't on she then could have sorted the soup.

It's heating up some bloody soup not making her meal from scratch!

Deadringer · 05/08/2018 12:52

Much ado about nothing.

eggncress · 05/08/2018 12:53

@CantankerousCamel
Going to the toilet for 20 min is hardly incapacitating, neither is looking after a toddler... it’s called “parenting”GrinGrin

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 12:54

You can warm soup whilst stuck to the shitter?

That’s some skills

Amanduh · 05/08/2018 12:55

You are ridiculous

BertrandRussell · 05/08/2018 12:58

I still don't understand why the SIL didn't either field the child or do the soup. Or all the "cooking" if it comes to that.

eggncress · 05/08/2018 12:58

It takes 2 minutes once off the loo lol !
It’s heating up, not cooking from scratch

KittyHawke80 · 05/08/2018 12:58

How does he know when to put the soup on if you’re in the crapper for 20 minutes (what’s were you doing in there?). As it takes such a short time, by your own admission, just ping it yourself when you emerge. You’re pregnant, not ill. What a fuss about eff-all. Poor bloke.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 12:59

Has the OP explained why SIL didn't muck in?

Shednik · 05/08/2018 13:02

It's a total non-event,OP. You are being u but probably due to hormones during pregnancy! He made dinner. Just stick the soup in the microwave when you'be finished breastfeeding. Or stick it in first, a nineteen month old can wait the ten seconds it takes. I was breastfeeding dc at that age and understand that he needed it to calm down.

But it really doesn't matter who put the soup in! You were both busy, neither of you did. So just put it in the microwave!

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 13:05

He didn’t really make dinner. The soup was the OH’s dinner.

Seriously OP I would be making sure he’s aware of what’s expected of him.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 05/08/2018 13:07

Why would the SIL, who was invited as a guest, be childminding or cooking the meal? Is that why she was invited other, another pair of hands to wait on the OP?

Nobody is saying he is a hero for parenting his own child and neither does being pregnant mean the man suddenly becomes a slave to his partner.

BertrandRussell · 05/08/2018 13:12

Because she was there and his sister? And the child's aunt? In what sort of wierd family would she not help? Not that he should have needed help, of course. But any normal human being would have done her bit.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 13:14

In SILs shoes I would have asked if DB needed a hand with anything. Family aren't guests.. they muck in when needed.

Cantankerous you need to chill.

Timeisslippingaway · 05/08/2018 13:18

CantankerousCamel

I agree, you need to chill 😂. It must be fun I your house if you are always explaining yo your dh what is expected of him 😂

Timeisslippingaway · 05/08/2018 13:18

*in
*to

MarthasGinYard · 05/08/2018 13:19

Bloody hell your OH must be a saint

Never said before on MN

Silentnighttwo · 05/08/2018 13:23

I would have been grateful if my DH made a meal and kept the DC away from me whilst I was unwell. At 19m my DC would have been baying to get into the bathroom with me.
I think you are being unreasonable.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 13:24

He didn’t really make dinner. The soup was the OH’s dinner.

But OP ate stir fry too. So he did make dinner. Even if OP didn't want the stir fry he would have still have made dinner. Because dinner was made. And eaten.

From OP's silence I'm guessing her DP was running around after toddler.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 13:26

Why would you be grateful silentnighttwo? Is your DH not your DC's father?

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