WIBU to uninvite my friend

[Kallo]

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

I'm not trying to be spiteful. I was trying to show her how unbearably awful Margaret must have been feeling; probably sobbing all her way home, and perhaps, if the OP now feels the same way, it will give her an insight into what she did to Margaret?

And now see the post from Anotherdayanotherdollar who attempted suicide after a similar situation.

The more you post the more ignorant you sound. I think your interested in Bob, and you think he can do much better than mousy old Margaret, ie you.
I was "friends in school with somebody like you, she did a very similar thing to me. I have never forgotten it, and I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire today.
You can't put a price on kindness and empathy, 2 things you are sorely lacking.
I doubt you will ever see what you did was wrong. And I really hope Bob and Margaret never give you the time of day.

i can sort of see how it happened - you are out with a group of mates, spot some people you know and say hi for a bit, then are moving off somewhere else. You say to them in general "come along if you like" but one says yes and the other no. Which is a bit odd and it throws you. You may have been planning to go for 1 drink and then head home yourself but suddenly YOU are the host for this person who you'll have to entertain and can't just duck off when you feel like.
add in the fact you have probably been drinking when you are thinking all this and you can say awkward stuff which comes out rude.

I'd go with what one of the PP said, apologise for being a bit of a drunk idiot and coming off rudely when you were thinking she'd not want to be there on her own and you were only going for 1 anyway (if that could be true). I'd not go OTT with flowers etc, don't make a huge deal of it. We've all said daft stuff on a night out (if we've had a drink and even if not)

but to ‘hope’ she is reading the thread sobbing is spiteful.

And hopefully a massive life lesson learnt.

Fucking hell.

OMG

I really cannot believe this is true!!!!

It’s not that I don’t think nasty, bitchy people exist it’s that I can’t believe someone could be so unaware and self absorbed to think they might have been completely reasonable in their awful behaviour!

don't make a huge deal of it. We've all said daft stuff on a night out

Its really not just as simple as that. Not for Margaret anyway.

This is me as well. You get the impression maybe this person doesn't like you or want you there, wonder if they are wishing you weren't there taking up space being annoying in some way. And then something like this proves it, I was never wanted or needed, I was tolerated and now I've put myself out there to try and become the person people actually want around- only to get cut down to the core.

And maybe Margaret is shy and introverted in part due to shit like this happening before, it truly affects you being rejected and gets carried forward. Is she going to be able to put herself out there in a new friendship or group again? This is long-term, it never leaves you, the rejection makes you hesitate next time and you get seen as shy. So glad she has someone to stick up for her, I never had that.

Although the type of person who would put the dynamic/makeup of a casual social gathering over the emotions and feelings of an actual human being and literally cannot see that that's what they've done is never going to change. Once a bully, always a bully.

This wasn’t “saying daft stuff”. If it was, op wouldn’t be acting as if she was completely vindicated, and she certainly wouldn’t imagine she’s going to continue being friends with Bob.
Not with Bob and Margaret, you’ll notice. Just Bob. Who’s already told her where to go

Hmmm actually @Kallo I don't think you were being 100% unreasonable.

I probably wouldn't have hinted for Margaret to go but I can appreciate that it would be really annoying inviting a couple to come with you (who can entertain each other if needs be) and then ending up with one person who you then feel you have to look out for all night when you're with a group of your mates and want to relax, especially when you already know that person isn't a fan of new social situations.

So I'll say yanbu but I also understand why Bob and Margaret feel upset.

...who can entertain each other if needs be
What sort of people do you imagine op was meeting that any one not already in the inner circle need special arrangements put in place in case they can’t quite keep up?
Was that a serious suggestion, Confessions?
Because you’re sounding almost as big a gobshite as op.

Well you certainly put Margaret in her place.

No way in hell she will accept any more invites from you.

Hopefully Bob will put his DP first and you will find he looks at you in a different light and declines them as well.

I don’t think OP will be back....

You were extremely rude and unkind. She was making an effort in staying out without Bob- especially since you have indicated she is uncomfortable in the company of new people.
You need to apologise and not necessarily expect a gracious acceptance.

You fancy Bob, don’t you OP?

So you know YWBU but the real question is why you behaved like that. Honestly do you think you are generally a kind and likeable person or do you always like to get your own way & feel you deserve it?

If this was just a very bad judgement call then you try to fix it by turning up with a bunch of flowers ( & a card in case Margaret isn't home), & you apologise. Anything less and I wouldn't want anything more to do with you.

Hope things work out best for Bob & Margaret

You were so unreasonable I hope this thread isn't real. I don't like to think that there are people like you out there.

#iammargaret

@kallo margaret is an adult. you dont need to think for her or make decisions on her behalf as to where she would feel more comfortable. you sound like a control freak nightmare. its unbelievably rude to dismiss someone and "persuade" send them home because their husband leaves. Clearly it was him you wanted to stay and if I were Margaret I would not bother with you again as you sound like a dick.

OP: AIBU?

Literally the whole of MN: OP you're a twat

OP: I am not!

MN: yup. You are like.

OP: *flounce

Don’t turn up at their house with flowers, that’s shocking advice!
She’ll have them rammed up her arse, if Bob has anything about him.
Just leave them alone.

I don't think YWBU by not wanting her there without Bob, I do understand that. But to be so obvious about it was very unkind and most likely very damaging and upsetting for Margaret.

I hope, right now, you're reading this thread and sobbing. Because that's exactly what poor Margaret was doing when you sent her on her way ... because you didn't want here there.

I was going to post something similar.

It's not pleasant when people make you feel like crap, is it OP?