WIBU to uninvite my friend

[Kallo]

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

Fucks sake OP - stop talking. The more you post the worse you fucking sound 😳

I never intended to be in a position where I would need to put her off coming,

You weren't, though. You didn't need to; you chose to.

I appreciate that you felt it might be a bit of a buzz kill for you if she came, but she was really hurt. And she is right to be hurt. You could have smoothed things over and tried to make sure she had a nice time, and helped a shy person build her friendship circle. If she's shy, then putting herself out there may have taken courage. To be slapped down by you will have been really painful and will make her risking it again unlikely, at least any time soon.

I appreciate that you didn't mean to be, but you were cruel. You behaved like someone still in school. You hurt her. And no, Bob may never see you in the same way again, because clearly he didn't think you someone who would do this.

I don't think you sound awful, but I do think you sound a bit oblivious, and unable to put yourself in someone else's shoes. You seem baffled by the idea that you should have supported her in coming out, rather than giving her the brushoff. And given he loves that person, you may never be able to make this up to them in a way that he can accept as sufficient. Bluntly, the friendship, as it has been, may well be done now.

It's a shame, as you could have ended up close to them both. It looks rather as if you'll now have neither.

It is quite reassuring to read the unanimous reaction to the plight of Margaret. Xx

never intended to be in a position where I would need to put her off coming...
You didn’t ‘need’ to put her off. You chose to because you don’t like her and didn’t want her there. What a cruel and hurtful thing you did. No wonder B&M have ditched you.

I am Margaret, that might not be my name but I am Margaret, I have found myself in similar situations and they were utterly humiliating!

I am a good person, my close friends and family find me hilarious and enjoy being around me. I just happen to be Autistic, which I personally think is awesome, however, due to my autism, I have been metaphorically shat on by mean girls like OP for my whole life! Luckily, I have an amazing, gorgeous husband who loves and accepts me for who I am! He also has no time for mean girls!

Margaret, if you are reading this, Bob is a keeper! Stay away from jealous mean girls like op, hopefully Bob has already made that choice! Unfortunately women can be incredibly bitchy! Men are usually less so, which is why I have always got on better with men than women! My dh is my best friend and like Bob, he has my back! You don’t need friends like OP, not when you have an awesome bf/ dF/ dh in Bob!

Maybe Margaret wanted to step out her comfort zone or meet new friends or just have a good night!! I've met some great friends on random nights where I've not known everyone to begin with, and I'm relatively quiet when I meet new people just like Margaret sounds, let Margaret do her thing. Justice for Margaret. I'll go on a night out with her, I think it would be far less 'awkward' than one with you OP!!

Maybe she "feels uncomfortable" being around a bitch like you. Are you 12? Sounds very school age bitch and drama to me.

I realise it was rude, but was it unreasonable?

I’m not sure you can be rude without being unreasonable in this situation?

Wow what a bitch.

You have acknowledged that you were rude and unreasonable (I'd add selfish to that) so now you need to send a grovelling and heartfelt apology without adding any excuses.

I just didn't think it would work socially with her alone in that situation

Well unless you were all friendly and welcoming and inclusive then of course it wouldn't work.

But then you're not really very nice, are you?

OP, I’m not sure how old you are but hopefully you are young and able to learn from this. You were obviously unkind to Margaret.

BTW - It’s clear that the OP has been unreasonable but not sure why that means that some posters think it gives them the right to be obnoxious and rude. You can disagree with the OP without resorting to nasty insults.

I'm going to go against the gra...

Just kidding. You have been de-Bobbed.

I have to say I have a lot of respect for Bob for sticking up for his partner.

I'm always amazed that people can do these things for their own convenience or social standing and not realise or care how hurtful they'll be.

Wow you were rude

Awww poor Margaret feeling brave and thinking she would step out of her comfort zone with her 'friend' to then to be told to go away. I would have died a lot bit inside.

And yes, you clearly only value Bob.

#teamBobgaret

Personally I would have thought 'great a chance to get to know Margaret better' but then again I just like talking to people and hearing about their lives and dreams

You sound very shallow

Kallo. You've already been flamed here, and quite rightly. But I hope, right now, you're reading this thread and sobbing. Because that's exactly what poor Margaret was doing when you sent her on her way ... because you didn't want here there.

Bob and Margaret sound great.

That’s awkward. All you can do is apologise profusely, tell her you read the situation all wrong and were projecting your own anxiety that she wouldn’t know anybody onto her, which you now realise was wrong. If you are suitably apologetic she might forgive you but it sounds like she feels really hurt, understandably. Bob’s a bit of a hero for standing by her.

I thought you were just horribly insensitive, when I read your first post, but reading this;

I will think of a way to try and fix it. I realise you’re just breathtakingly arrogant.

“I decided to encourage Margaret to go home to Bob”. OMG. So, basically you told her to go away. And you wonder why she, and her husband took offence? Unbelievable.

PanPanPanPing
But I hope, right now, you're reading this thread and sobbing

Seriously!! Wow, that’s a really weird thing to hope for. I agree that the OP was rude and unreasonable but to ‘hope’ she is reading the thread sobbing is spiteful.

Youch, ruthless. You got what you deserved for such unkind behavior. They have had a lucky escape.

TeamBobandMargaret here’s too!

Yes, you were rude, @Kallo. Yes you were very unreasonable. Yes, you really hurt Margaret’s feelings.

You need to send her an honest and heartfelt apology, and you need to accept that that may well not be enough to recover any sort of friendship with Bob.