WIBU to uninvite my friend

[Kallo]

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

You were VERY rude. No wonder 'Margaret' can't be bothered with you.

And hopefully 'BOB' will ditch your rude ass too!

YABU

It was her call to make, not yours

Agree with poster re. Very mean girls.

Your later comment that you had the information to make the best decision sounds very queen bee and controlling. I get that sometimes things flow more easily socially but ultimately this was a drink and not a high pressure situation. You sound like you wanted what was best for you.

You may have felt the pressure to be the social glue to include Margaret but that is what folks do for their friends.

Bob sounds like a good egg and I would listen to him (if he still wants to be your friend!) Margaret was ready to put herself out there even if she isn't normally an extrovert. I would be really hurt if I were her to have my company so clearly deemed unsuitable for the occasion.

I don't think you can come back from this, I wouldn't meet you again if I was either Margaret or Bob. Margaret will forever know you only tolerate her to see Bob and Bob will not want to make his dp uncomfortable.

What exactly did you say when you discouraged her gently??

Bob's a star.

@notfuckingroomonmybroom

It's also very telling that you state you may have lost bobs friendship but no mention of Margaret...

I thought that too. I wonder if the OP has a thing about 'Bob?'

Eh @Kallo Are we getting warm?

I like Bob; he called you out on your behaviour.

OP are you ok? This must be very hard to read. Not that they're wrong - I agree with every word pp's have written. But if it were me reading this, I'd be very upset

I'm really beginning to fancy Bob. He sounds like a keeper.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice

To tell a friend who wanted to go for a drink with you to leave? It sounds like you've never really socialized with her alone before, maybe she wanted to get to know you better? You were very rude.

I never intended to be in a position where I would need to put her off coming

I'm not surprised they don't want to see you. You sound like you really dislike her. Do you fancy "Bob"?

@Kallo May I suggest an easy way to tell whether you were unreasonable:

I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way.

Just reply by copying and pasting the reasons you gave here:

• Really I prefer Bobs company
• Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward
• She doesn't know the people we were going with and appears quite uncomfortable with new people sometimes.

If, for some reason, you decide not to text this to Bob (perhaps you will conclude that he'll never speak to you again) then surely YWBU.

If you want to restore this friendship, I would first decide whether you want to be friends with them both. Bob is obviously far too decent to put up with you being anything other than you being genuine with his DP from now on. There really is no point putting yourself through the embarrassment unless you are prepared to make an effort long term.

If you do want to fix it, it needs:

• A biiiiiiiiiiiig bunch of flowers.
• An unreserved apology.
• A grovelling note explaining that were feeling a bit paranoid that night and had foolishly convinced yourself that Margaret would not want to go with you and was just being polite (This is the only lie I can think of that has half a chance). Chuck in a bit of you finding navigation of social niceties harder than you let on (because from this thread that is actually true, whether you realised or not).
• Invite Margaret (alone) out for a brew.

OP, you're horrible, I've been Margaret in the past, and arse holes like you have made me feel small, and completely rubbish about myself

I am very much a Margaret with social anxiety and a general feeling people don’t like me. I wish I had a bob. And I hope I never “think” I am friends with someone like you

Bob is awesome. Margaret is probably awesome when you bother to get to know her. The OP behaved appallingly and should be ashamed

You're horrible OP, I bet she felt really hurt. If she didn't know your friends then it was up to her if she wanted to go home. I bet she felt really upset and unwanted.

What exactly did you say when you discouraged her gently?

I'm guessing: shoo, shoo; then just throwing things at her.

To tell a friend who wanted to go for a drink with you to leave? It sounds like you've never really socialized with her alone before

Sounds to me more like someone who's never socialised with humans before. I particularly enjoy the excuse being that OP thinks Margaret is socially awkward.

I like Bob. Bob's a winner. This. Bob's a good lad.

You are a bitch.

I have the skin of a rhino in most social situations, but I'd be humiliated by this behaviour and believe me I'd never see you again. If someone did this to my partner without cause, I'd cut them off too. It wouldn't surprise me if Bob and Margaret tell other friends how you behaved, you may yet lose more.

Wow! You are awful nasty

This reminds me of when a friend was dating a man for a couple of months. She texted him to end it with the message "It's nothing personal I just don't want to see you again x".

Horrible and can't believe you thought people might say otherwise. You were mean, rude, controlling and owe Margaret a massive apology - although I think you can kiss goodbye to the friendship, with both of them. Have you so little empathy?

You weren't just unreasonable, you were rude, and quite frankly are an awful 'friend'.

You claim that you thought it would be an awkward situation for Margaret, without Bob there, but that's for Margaret to decide for herself. It isn't for you to make that decision for her.

As others have said, you claim to like her, but it doesn't come across that way.

No wonder Bob and Margaret have cancelled their plans with you. I would have done the same. And I'd probably be deleting your number too.