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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not do this favour for old neighbour?

119 replies

Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:53

Hi all,
Haven’t posted much before but am a long time AIBU appreciator!
I wondered what your perspective would be on this situation.

I used to have a neighbour across the road who moved house around 2 years ago. We were on polite terms but nothing more.
Her kids were totally different ages to mine- my boys were 10 day 11 and she had a baby and a toddler.

Anyway, haven’t seen her for ages and today a note isn’t popped through my door. The house she has moved to is just out the catchment for our local primary and she wonders if I would let her use my address so she can get her eldest a place. She’s left her mobile etc and says this is her last attempt as she’s been refused at an appeal meeting. She also says how her mum pick something her daughters cousins up there and if she’s doesnt get her in she will be really stuck for childcare.

I spoke to my husband and he says
It’s a really bad idea.

I’ve always been a people pleaser but this from a virtual stranger is odd isn’t it?!

OP posts:
TopShagger · 04/08/2018 11:55

I agree with your husband - this does NOT bear the hallmarks of a good idea!

Madeline18 · 04/08/2018 11:55

That's so weird. She'll get caught too, she won't have any bills or anything for your address and she doesn't live there if they come knocking!

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:55

Apologies for typos!
I’m not even sure how to edit them.
Will check more carefully before posting again.

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 04/08/2018 11:56

It would be odd and dishonest from a friend or family member too.

Definiteky say no.

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:57

I feel like I have to reply- I think I’ll say that she would need proof of address and this would not be possible but good luck with further appeals. Something like that?

OP posts:
RachelAnneJ · 04/08/2018 11:57

Don't do it. A Council Tax bill or similar will need to be provided anyway as proof of address so her idea won't work.

downinthejunglee · 04/08/2018 11:57

This won't end well OP, try not to worry about pleasing her, it's not your problem

Bambamber · 04/08/2018 11:57

Sounds like a right chancer

PsychoPumpkin · 04/08/2018 11:58

Don’t do it! And that level of cheek does not deserve a reply, honestly.

MotherofTerriers · 04/08/2018 11:59

That sounds like a reasonable reply. She's probably really panicking - but would need bills etc for proof of address so its not going to work.

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:59

I seem to attract these type of people! 😂
I will reply and hope that’s the end of that.

OP posts:
RachelAnneJ · 04/08/2018 11:59

I would ignore but if you want to reply just say I'm sorry but we can't allow you to do this as it is against the rules. I hope you get a place via the waiting list soon.

No point in wishing her luck with further appeals as she won't be allowed any. They will not take childcare arrangements into consideration.

Pengggwn · 04/08/2018 11:59

Don't make arguments as to why - just say no.

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 12:00

Yeah- I can understand the dilemma as childcare is so difficult but- harsh to say- not really my problem is it? Confused

OP posts:
NaomiNagata · 04/08/2018 12:00

They check the council tax - especially if she's already applied, been refused then appealed and been refused... and then she rocks up with a new address? They will check. Just don't get involved. Tell her you're sorry to hear she's having trouble but you can't allow her to use your address and you don't want to be a party to fraud.

Her childcare and school pick up arrangements are not your concern.

Awfulness · 04/08/2018 12:00

Don't do it! They check with council tax and you could get in a whole lot of trouble.

captainpantbeard · 04/08/2018 12:00

Just say no, no excuse needed.

billybagpuss · 04/08/2018 12:01

Don't do it. This is fraud and councils are getting much more wise to it. Whilst it would be the parents that end up taking the hit, I wouldn't want my name associated with it.

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 12:01

Thanks for the advice everyone. I txt her- I’ll let you know if she replies. X

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 04/08/2018 12:03

That’s not a favour that’s assisting someone to fraudulently apply for a school place.
You could just ignore the note, which is what I would do. If you reply you’re opening yourself up to further contact with her trying to pressurise.
But if you must respond tell her no and if you need a reason say it’s too complicated as they will ask for proof she lives at your address and there won’t be any and also say you think it’s fraud so don’t ask again or you will feel forced to report her.

storycubes · 04/08/2018 12:04

I'm pretty sure this is basically fraud. Also you have to prove the address which she can't do. I would assume that if you did this you would also potentially risk screwing up your own kids places.

Either ignore or reply and say "I'm sorry you are having difficulties but this is basically fraud. I am not prepared to commit fraud to help you out."

Eleventwelths · 04/08/2018 12:04

Why did she move knowing she’d need a school place

User56578711 · 04/08/2018 12:04

I’d just send her I text saying “I appreciate your dilemma, but what you are asking is illegal and I’m afraid we can’t help” with greeting and sign off, obviously!

It won’t work as she’d need proof of address and if you tried to help her get away with it, you’d be tangled in years of having her fake name on a utility bill, receiving and passing on all the school related post.

Also have you thought you’ll screw your own kids’ school admissions as someone else would be registered at your address with the Local Authority!!

Confusedbeetle · 04/08/2018 12:05

No dont do this . It is no legal and you could get into trouble

hendricksy · 04/08/2018 12:06

If she does intertwine her life with your house and has bad credit etc it could affect your lives . I'm all for helping people but that is just weird !!! Tell her you are sorry but you don't feel you can help and good luck .