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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not do this favour for old neighbour?

119 replies

Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:53

Hi all,
Haven’t posted much before but am a long time AIBU appreciator!
I wondered what your perspective would be on this situation.

I used to have a neighbour across the road who moved house around 2 years ago. We were on polite terms but nothing more.
Her kids were totally different ages to mine- my boys were 10 day 11 and she had a baby and a toddler.

Anyway, haven’t seen her for ages and today a note isn’t popped through my door. The house she has moved to is just out the catchment for our local primary and she wonders if I would let her use my address so she can get her eldest a place. She’s left her mobile etc and says this is her last attempt as she’s been refused at an appeal meeting. She also says how her mum pick something her daughters cousins up there and if she’s doesnt get her in she will be really stuck for childcare.

I spoke to my husband and he says
It’s a really bad idea.

I’ve always been a people pleaser but this from a virtual stranger is odd isn’t it?!

OP posts:
Excited0803 · 04/08/2018 13:18

I like @MrsMazel's response “I appreciate your dilemma, but what you are asking is illegal and I’m afraid we can’t help."

PinkCalluna · 04/08/2018 13:20

It’s fraud.

The school enrolment form where I live (also Scotland) makes you specifically sign to say that the address you are using is your own.

If your youngest is 10 yo then the school knows who lives at your address. Lying will only damage your credibility with both school and the council.

starfishmummy · 04/08/2018 13:23

I would not do this at all.

I would also keep hold of her note and any texts, other notes that she sends.

If anything comes to your house in her name then I'd suggest contacting the council

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 13:25

leftright- no childcare being asked for? And not sure how you’ve decided I’m a walkover from her posting a note through my door? Hmm

Pink- my youngest was 10 at the time- he is 12 now. However, I still have no intention of doing this.

My husband raised an interesting point- our surnames are slightly similar- think Davis/Davidson so wonder whether this has factored into her decision to contact me as she was very friendly with others in the street.

OP posts:
heatherblue · 04/08/2018 13:39

She's probably asked all the others and they've all said no.

Fickleflock · 04/08/2018 13:50

Glad you’ve made your mind up - you would both be committing a criminal offence: her for fraud and you for enabling fraud. What a silly woman for even thinking about doing this and selfish for trying to bring you into it!

LeftRightCentre · 04/08/2018 13:53

leftright- no childcare being asked for? And not sure how you’ve decided I’m a walkover from her posting a note through my door? hmm

You said yourself you're a bit of a mug and peoplepleaser in more than one post. Hmm She said she would need you to provide childcare if her mum couldn't get to the kids if you they go to your catchment school, your replied with a no to her first request, now she has your number, it's probable she'll still ask you for another favour.

daisyinatree · 04/08/2018 13:55

In a word NO. Don't do it.

NaomiNagata · 04/08/2018 14:03

@LeftRightCentre

The woman hasn't asked OP for any childcare. Where are you getting that from?
She's told OP that her own mum picks all the other kids up, so would also pick up the daughter. However, if she can't get her daughter into the same school as the rest of the family, then she'll have no one to collect her kid from whichever school she ends up in.

She's telling OP that to guilt her into helping defraud the school. The childcare is in reference to her mum not to OP.

Gatecrasher61 · 04/08/2018 14:07

Don't do it.

Also what kind of moral standard is she setting to her children by lying to get them into the school of HER choice. Appalling parenting skills.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 04/08/2018 14:43

Odd that she’d even ask you. If the children have cousins at that school why isn’t she approaching the family member to ask them instead?!

Glad you told her no. Stick to your guns.

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 15:52

@leftrightcentre - nope, I did not say that at all. Although Naomi has summed it up well enough so I won’t repeat myself reclaryfying.

She has txt back- funnily enough getting my first name wrong! And said that paperwork etc for the shook wouldn’t be an issue- she would ‘sort it’ and it wouldn’t affect me.

I have txt back saying the answer is a no and will continue to be so.
She has not read it yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 15:54

Not exactly- I know, the whole thing is really weird. Saying that, it’s given me something to think about today- I’m currently at a party in a trampoline park for my nieces birthday and my sister etc are all finding the whole thing hysterical! 😒

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 04/08/2018 15:58

I’d contact the local authority with a copy of the note and tell them that you have said a categoric no so that if she tries to do this without your permission they know it’s nothing to do with you.

PeterPiperPickedSeaShells · 04/08/2018 16:02

Is there any way that she could use your address without your knowledge / permission? If all communications with the LA are via email would you ever know?

ilovewinterpansies · 04/08/2018 16:02

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order!! I'm stunned!!

TorviBrightspear · 04/08/2018 16:08

OP, I'd be wary for a while and check for anything odd related to your address. She may try to use your address anyway.

ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 04/08/2018 16:09

She got your first name wrong? Well she's pissed right on her chips now hasn't she?

My first instinct would have been to ignore the note, since she would have had no way of knowing for sure if you had seen it or not. But now you've texted her, I would ignore any future texts.

And yes... if her Mum picks up other kids from the school, why can't she just use their address / her Mum's address instead?

Her problem. Not yours. Ignore.

welshcake82 · 04/08/2018 16:12

It's fraud.
I'm glad you've said no.

Angelil · 04/08/2018 16:27

I'd be tempted to write to the LA to let them know of the request. Then if she tries to apply for school places for her children using your address then they will already be wise to it.

eddielizzard · 04/08/2018 16:29

Wow. Well done for saying no. This is wrong on so many levels. How on earth she thought you'd say yes is beyond me. She's clearly very desperate.

Motherof · 04/08/2018 16:29

Keep the note she put through your door and all the text messages,then if she still tries to use your address you have proof you refused her,she’s being a bit pushy towards you,

Angrybird345 · 04/08/2018 16:30

Take screenshots of you saying no!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 04/08/2018 16:32

I think the similar surname is the key. I think she thinks she can wing it with that

Well done for saying no

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/08/2018 16:32

Personally I wouldn't have replied... (I'm also a people pleaser... But this is cheeky fuckers of highest order...)

What she's asking surely is conspiracy for fraud?? (unless any lawyers can correct me??).

Depending on how annoyed you are... I would also let school /Council know that she is approaching strangers to try this... Then she can't say... Oh OP said is was alright...

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