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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not do this favour for old neighbour?

119 replies

Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:53

Hi all,
Haven’t posted much before but am a long time AIBU appreciator!
I wondered what your perspective would be on this situation.

I used to have a neighbour across the road who moved house around 2 years ago. We were on polite terms but nothing more.
Her kids were totally different ages to mine- my boys were 10 day 11 and she had a baby and a toddler.

Anyway, haven’t seen her for ages and today a note isn’t popped through my door. The house she has moved to is just out the catchment for our local primary and she wonders if I would let her use my address so she can get her eldest a place. She’s left her mobile etc and says this is her last attempt as she’s been refused at an appeal meeting. She also says how her mum pick something her daughters cousins up there and if she’s doesnt get her in she will be really stuck for childcare.

I spoke to my husband and he says
It’s a really bad idea.

I’ve always been a people pleaser but this from a virtual stranger is odd isn’t it?!

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 04/08/2018 12:08

she must be desperate because she hasn't thought it through at all. how on earth does she think this would work even if you agreed?

froggybiby · 04/08/2018 12:09

It is not a favour she is asking for but to assist her to commit fraud. Don't engage with her. If you feel you need to reply, I would block her after.

Seniorcitizen1 · 04/08/2018 12:10

In our area the parent would have to provide mortgage statement or 12 month rental agreement, child benefit letter to the address, driving licence with address on, council tax and utility bill in their name. If you agree you will be participating in an attempted fraud and our LA does prosecute so don’t do it

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 04/08/2018 12:10

Well if she wanted to she could ‘use’ your address anyway without you knowing. Except, as others have said, she’ll need proof. So I imagine this is the start of a saga where she will want you to provide a statement or something stating that she now lives with you (but because it’s your house she doesn’t have a CT bill, utilities bills etc). So ie she wants you to commit fraud for her.

TerfsUp · 04/08/2018 12:12

No. This is not a good idea and will not end well.

GreenMeerkat · 04/08/2018 12:13

Absolutely do not do this.

IrishMumInLondon · 04/08/2018 12:14

Asking this of a former neighbor who you were only on polite terms with is definitely taking the absolutely p**s!!!

Also if shes been through the appeals process and been turned down - suddenly having a new address in the catchment area is going to look as suspicious as hell.

To be brutally honest, saying yes to this request is basically writing mug across your forehead. I would advise you either politely decline or just tell her to F off!

MasonJar · 04/08/2018 12:14

If your husband hadn't said it was a bad idea would you have gone ahead and done what she asked?

Monny1 · 04/08/2018 12:15

Do not do this, this is fraud and you will get into a lot of trouble. If she wanted the school place,then she should not have moved. Tough luck.

Mulberry72 · 04/08/2018 12:16

Absolutely don’t do this OP, someone at DS old primary school did a similar thing to help a sibling out, it did not end well. Really, don’t do it.

Don’t even open up the lines of communication by replying. Ignore.

cadburyegg · 04/08/2018 12:17

CF of the highest order.

She should have stayed in catchment if she was that desperate to get a place in that school!

Dogatemyhomework666 · 04/08/2018 12:17

Don't say no because you would need proof of address...the next message would be her asking if she could be added to your council tax.

Just say no. Or ignore.

Branleuse · 04/08/2018 12:18

ignore it.

If you cant, say no. Tell her that its more than your jobs worth if you get found out or something if you struggle with saying no.

Bluelady · 04/08/2018 12:19

It's fraud. Don't entertain it.

ladydickisathingapparently · 04/08/2018 12:20

It’s an awful idea and would result in another child not getting their rightful place.

When a friend of mine had a child in year 1 at a particular primary, she kept getting letters delivered to her house with a name she didn’t recognise but her address. They were stamped with the name of her primary school. The penny quickly dropped that someone was using her address for the admissions process.

Orchidflower1 · 04/08/2018 12:20

Just don’t reply- it will escalate . It’s fraud

DeegeeDee · 04/08/2018 12:21

She popped a note through your door so doesn't have your number. Ignore and don't give her additional ways to communicate with you. If she comes back - you have the reasons provided ready.

Beaverhausen · 04/08/2018 12:21

Do not do it as said it is considered fraud and situations like these are always found out.

PlainPiglet · 04/08/2018 12:27

If she uses your address, she is contravening section two of the Fraud Act 2006. Fraud isn't just a financial advantage but applies when an advantage is gained dishonestly - in this case an "undeserved" place at a good school. Local Authorities can prosecute.

Loonoon · 04/08/2018 12:28

I would answer what MrsMazel said, perhaps preface you are surprised to hear from her as she hasn’t been in touch for so long and then screenshot it. She be cheeky enough to go ahead without your permission and it might be handy to have evidence that you did not agree to it.

eggsandwich · 04/08/2018 12:43

Why doesn’t she use her mum and cousins address if they go to that school? presuming they live nearby and didn’t do the same thing that she intends to do.

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 12:45

Thanks everyone.
I don’t think I would have done it without my husbands opinion- just sharing what he said.
Maybe I am a bit of a mug though as sent a reply not even realising that I’ve opened up another avenue of communication for her. Blush
She has read the txt reply - she must have read receipts on but no reply from her so hopefully that’s it done and dusted.
I am in Scotland if it’s at all relevant.
Thanks everyone - I am definitely not going to do it- don’t worry!
Almost can’t believe the nerve of her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 12:46

That’s a fair point! No idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 12:46

Egg sandwich- I was replying to. ☺️ Who knows if there even is a cousin at the school.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 04/08/2018 13:12

Silly to even reply to this. Do NOT agree to childcare. Honestly, stop being such a walkover and block her. She's not even worth a response.