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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not do this favour for old neighbour?

119 replies

Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 11:53

Hi all,
Haven’t posted much before but am a long time AIBU appreciator!
I wondered what your perspective would be on this situation.

I used to have a neighbour across the road who moved house around 2 years ago. We were on polite terms but nothing more.
Her kids were totally different ages to mine- my boys were 10 day 11 and she had a baby and a toddler.

Anyway, haven’t seen her for ages and today a note isn’t popped through my door. The house she has moved to is just out the catchment for our local primary and she wonders if I would let her use my address so she can get her eldest a place. She’s left her mobile etc and says this is her last attempt as she’s been refused at an appeal meeting. She also says how her mum pick something her daughters cousins up there and if she’s doesnt get her in she will be really stuck for childcare.

I spoke to my husband and he says
It’s a really bad idea.

I’ve always been a people pleaser but this from a virtual stranger is odd isn’t it?!

OP posts:
confusedmomm · 04/08/2018 16:42

Don't Do it! That's quite cheeky given she's not even a close friend

diddl · 04/08/2018 16:46

"I’ve always been a people pleaser but this from a virtual stranger is odd isn’t it?!"

It would be odd from anyone!

You wouldn't consider it from a good friend would you?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 04/08/2018 17:31

I would contact the LEA. Wouldn't put it past her to try it anyway, even though you said no.

ALongHardWinter · 04/08/2018 17:48

It wouldn't work. She would have to provide proof that she was living at your address,such as a council tax bill with her name on. And even if it WAS feasible,YOU could get into trouble too OP,so it's really not worth it.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/08/2018 17:55

This is kind of like the teensy favour where you agree to drive a friend to the bank, wait whilst they transact some unspecified business, then drive them away again. In a bit of a hurry. Nothing wrong with giving someone a lift, right?

It's fraud. Nobody's a good enough friend for that. If they were, they wouldn't ask you.

Strawberry89 · 04/08/2018 17:59

Good on you OP for refusing even though she's getting more cheeky each time she contacts you!
It was her choice to move and she should've considered schools before she moved.

SuitedandBooted · 04/08/2018 18:06

Keep the note
Screenshot the messages.

If she texts you again, just say " I will not take any part in your attempt to gain a school place using my address. It is not legal. Please do not contact me again.

Lynne1Cat · 04/08/2018 18:27

The cheeky bitch. No, you owe her nothing. Don't reply. If you get anything from the education department about it, tell them she's been fraudulent

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 18:28

She text me back after my no saying ‘Great thanks!’ Which confided needs for a moment til I saw she’d added a sort of rolling eyes emoji!
As if I’ve annoyed her! Haha!

I am so tempted to reply in a shirty manner about how she hardly knows me! However, I’ll be the adult here and ignore now! Grin
Thanks everyone- wasn’t seriously considering it because of how random it was but hadn’t even really started to think how dodgy and fraudulent it is!
I’m sure they will be wise to her should she try it with anyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 18:29

Argh! Autocorrect- ‘confided needs’ means confused me.
I really need a new phone!

OP posts:
twoshedsjackson · 04/08/2018 18:40

You were absolutely right not to get drawn in; there have been cases of parents being taken to court for trying this sort of fraud, eg mother claiming to have split with DH and gone back to the family home, which happened to be in the desired catchment area. The little one concerned had actually started at the school when it all came out, and lost his place in the full glare of public disapproval, mother in court etc.
If the school is that popular, other parents after places will be keenly watching for any hint of funny business, and the administrators of popular schools will be on the alert.
Her thanks to you may have been sarcastically meant, but she should be thanking you sincerely; your standing firm has, in the long run, saved her from herself!

ellendegeneres · 04/08/2018 18:50

I’d reply with ‘you’re sooo welcome 🙄 By the way, my name isn’t Jane 😂😂’

LeftRightCentre · 04/08/2018 18:51

If she's got cousins at the school perhaps she can rope their parents into making a fraudulent application for her.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 04/08/2018 19:03

She's probably put notes through loads of letterboxes hoping for someone to say yes.

StarlitTrees · 04/08/2018 19:17

Oh PLEASE reply with Ellens suggestion above! Grin

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 04/08/2018 19:23

God the sense of entitlement displayed by some people really makes my blood boil. A sarcastic thanks? Tell her to fuck off!

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 20:09

Left right- maybe they’ve already told her no! Lol! You think she’d have tried them wouldn’t you?

Ellen- I’m very tempted! Haha! But don’t want to keep the chat going any more!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 04/08/2018 20:22

It’s not even an option anyway due to her needing proof of address. Where I am (England) only your council tax bill will do.

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket, and go and have a nice cup of tea.

ForalltheSaints · 04/08/2018 21:01

You should not entertain this and I am glad you have responded in the way you have.

Anyone trying even the 'living at a relative' trick is trying to obtain services by deception.

MsPavlichenko · 04/08/2018 21:11

It is strange as here in Scotland you put in a placing request for a school outside catchment. It will have been a yes or no. Schools are back from the week after next so unlikely to change now, and presumably her DC has been enrolled elsewhere.

Piffle11 · 04/08/2018 21:18

You don't need to give a reason - the more reasons you give, the more reasons she will try and solve! Just say you have talked it over with your DH and it's no. No apology, no reason, don't even enter into a dialogue. This is beyond cheeky and you don't want to get dragged into something like this. Her childcare issue is not your problem!

Di11y · 04/08/2018 21:18

So they wont let her appeal, so it won't look dodgy at all when she's suddenly moved house with no mention before Hmm

PolkerrisBeach · 04/08/2018 21:24

We are in an area of Scotland where the local secondary is full to bursting and all placing requests are being turned down.

Councils are not daft. They can easily check who owns property and who lives where, or use the electoral register. I'm sure each time I registered my kids for P1 I had to take a council tax bill. You could maybe send her a link to this article.

www.heraldscotland.com/news/13794959.Parents_prosecuted_for_trying_to__cheat__pupil_into_leafy_suburb_school/

Original poster
Forgodsakethinkofthekids · 04/08/2018 21:56

Thanks Polkerris.
Yes that seems to be an issue with lots of schools just now.
I actually know of one secondary where you aren’t even guaranteed a place if you are in the catchment! (Was built in last 10 years and not big enough to keep up with new housing estates etc).
I won’t forward her the link if you don’t mind 😂 I’ll jut forget she existed!

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 05/08/2018 02:23

My husband raised an interesting point- our surnames are slightly similar- think Davis/Davidson so wonder whether this has factored into her decision to contact me as she was very friendly with others in the street

Ah. Very cunning. This might just be the real reason she targeted you and presumably no one else.

I hope she stops pestering you now after her last "delightful" Hmm reply.