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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5 day "stag"

131 replies

fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:44

Stag/hen do's.

This one is for the men, left Wednesday, won't see him again till Monday, 4 days solid drinking, foreign country.

AIBU to think this is excessive?

OP posts:
bluemascara · 04/08/2018 09:46

Ive been on 5 day hen parties in Majorca / Portugal. It's not that unusual.
My friend is just back from one in Marbella and the corresponding stag was in Ibiza for 4 nights

bluemascara · 04/08/2018 09:46

It is excessive but not unusual

DingDongDenny · 04/08/2018 09:47

Excessive for his liver as well. I cannot imagine anything more horrendous than day after day of binge drinking. Surely you'd be hungover after day 1

Bananalanacake · 04/08/2018 09:47

If you can afford it then it's ok.

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:49

Passed out the first night, had to go back to the hotel, so no contact till the next afternoon.
Last night I assume he did the same, just heard from him.
Like, grow up??
When I've been away, we haven't felt it necessary to get obliterated every night.

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 04/08/2018 09:50

He's a grown up - why does it bother you?

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:51

Why? Because I'm pissed off that as a family we can't go away, yet, he can go on a 5 day bender because it's a "stag do"

OP posts:
fussychica · 04/08/2018 09:52

Doesn't sound very grown up to me.

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:53

Also, because he wants to carry on a constant dialogue and chit chat about what he's doing (having a whale of a time) and I don't want to indulge him because I'm bitter as hell about it.

At least I'm honest...😬

OP posts:
dinosaurkisses · 04/08/2018 09:54

I hate this new trend of having a massive holiday for stage and hens (mainly as I am v stingy with my annual leave).

Whatever happened to a night in the pub?!

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:55

Or even a weekend. What's so wrong with a weekend?

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:56

That's the thing as well @dinosaurkisses as he is self employed, so he doesn't take annual leave unless it's apparently for himself 😡

OP posts:
DingDongDenny · 04/08/2018 09:56

I hope it's somewhere cheap, the alcohol bill will be massive

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/08/2018 09:57

This really is the definition of something of which isn’t impacting on you at all (unless there’s a big drip feed about how he’s left you at home alone and you’re 36 weeks pregnant and with two preschoolers to look after.) Even if he is getting obliterated, you aren’t there, you don’t have to put up with him being drunk and obnoxious, or hungover the next day. As long as everyone away on the stag do is happy with the length of it, it’s not “excessive” - I think a holiday with friends before presumably post-marriage family holidays if and when DC arrive is quite a nice ritual.

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:58

There's no drip feed.
Married with 3 kids at home 👍🏼

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 04/08/2018 09:58

Cross posted - your problem is that your OH is selfish and doesn’t prioritise his family, not the stag do itself.

elliejjtiny · 04/08/2018 09:58

It's ridiculous. Dh had a stag day and I had a hen evening.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/08/2018 09:59

(Your OP didn’t make any mention of kids or not taking family holidays)

DingDongDenny · 04/08/2018 09:59

I don't agree Contesse even before marriage I liked to go on holiday with my husband - because I like him best out of everyone (why I married him!) I like holidays with friends too, but that's secondary. I'd be upset if he didn't think the same.

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 09:59

Maybe I'm BU by thinking he's being selfish though.
A weekend away, I would be cool with.
Every year it's a week long piss up somewhere and that really starts to grate on me. Surely they must all be married by now...

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 10:00

Sorry @ComtesseDeSpair didn't see it as a drip feed, assumed people would know I had kids, stupid assumption sorry 😔

OP posts:
Bellabutterfly2016 · 04/08/2018 10:01

If your partner is doing this but then saying you can't afford the money or time for a family holiday then he's got his priorities all wrong and you need to address that.

My partner just wouldn't do this to me - he gets invited on loads of lads weekends, stag do's, birthdays and if it's a night out he'll go but not a whole mini break

It's a respect thing to you and the kids he needs sorting out and if he wont listen or does this frequently then bin him off!

Original poster
fruitshot · 04/08/2018 10:04

He's not done this before, said no to us, but magically has enough cash for this minibreak (I'm being petty and refusing to call it a stag) but it's just irked me because he said no about booking a few days away with the kids end of August because he wants to be more frugal with money.
When I pulled him up on it, he said it had been booked since December and he had budgeted for it.
I just think perhaps the budget should've included everyone's needs and wants and not just his

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 04/08/2018 10:04

So he hasnt got the time and money to go away on holiday with you or a family but can with his friends and then expects you to spend time away from dealing with said family to listen to him say how great it is and he does this every year.

Have you had a family holiday? Cos yes he does sound selfish

AngelsSins · 04/08/2018 10:05

Id be massively pissed off too, he can go drinking for 5 days with his mates, but can’t possibly take any time off to take his kids away? It seems very common for men to start treating their wives with contempt once married, and then they wonder why their wife goes off sex Hmm I’d have it out with him when he gets back and insist on a holiday.

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