5 day "stag"

[fruitshot]

Stag/hen do's.

This one is for the men, left Wednesday, won't see him again till Monday, 4 days solid drinking, foreign country.

AIBU to think this is excessive?

my friends dh is just back from a week long stag do in Spain he had a ball. Friend didnt mind at all but they can afford it. I think if you can't afford to go away as a family but he can go off on stay dos he's being very selfish.

stag not stay stupid phone.

I think five days is OTT for a stag do but would have no issues with DH going if he funded it himself like yours has done and would return the household duties when I wanted to go.

Yes, I'd be pissed off.

1. When is your 5 days of annual leave?

1. If he has budget for 5 days of personal holiday and pissup but not budget of family money for a family holiday then there is a mismatch on how family money/personal money is allocated

1. Where is your personal money for similar spending?

I also think it's very unfair if you're the stay at home parent and don't get the same 'wage' to take you and the kids off somewhere, or to take any 'holiday'. If he can't see this is unfair, can you talk to him about childcare and going back to work as this may be the only way you get equality if you can't change his mind. I'd try and talk to him first pointing out you are on duty 24 /7 /365 and need some down time

I recently went on a 7 day hen and my DH had no issue holding the fort, so I came on here to say you were being unreasonable but then I read how his break has deprived your family of a holiday and therefore i think you have the right to be royally pissed off.

So you don’t get any real money of your own, and you don’t get time off either? No, he is taking the absolute piss.

You tell him you’re taking your 5 days and that’s the end of it. He’s not incapable of sorting out childcare if he needs to. How does he think working single mums cope? How would he cope if you left him and went for 50/50 custody?

I know full well what will happen.

We will have a discussion, he will ultimately agree with me that it was selfish and that he sees my point of view, but it won't matter, because it will be over and done with by then.

I was a single mum for a number of years, so he knows full well how I coped. Angers me slightly more.

I went to book 2 days at Chessington for the kids before he left, and he said no, we should really save it because we want to go away next year for 2 weeks and the boiler might need replacing.

It's £300. There is a pot of money. I know how much goes in and how much will be there. We don't need to save it.

He can go fuck himself, I've booked it 👍🏼

Why does he pay himself a wage, and not you? With the attitude you’ve described from him, I would be heading back to work, and making sure you get “your” wage, and “your” annual leave. He has no respect for you or his children.

Well done. If he starts moaning just agree with him that you can see his point of view bla bla bla. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

To go on a 5 day stag I think is fine. If you’re going to go to a foreign country there is no point going for an overnighter. However to then say you can’t have time is not appropriate. Mark a date in the calendar when you’re taking your time off. Book something you fancy. Tell him when it is that you won’t be there and when he says he has to work tell him to sort out childcare then. If he can swan off so can you.

He's self employed @NameChangedAgain18 so he is paid a wage and dividends.

It gets worse. He actually told you that you couldn't take the kids to Chessington for a couple of days whilst he was heading off on holiday? LTB.

You, in your own words are 'bitter' and 'petty', he would rather spend time away from his family. Your marriage sounds awful!

Thanks for that @Skarossinkplungerridesagain 😂

He’s an adult, he can make his own decisions. I’m a women and go skiing with my mates for a week every winter. I don’t have to ask for my husbands ‘permission’. You sound quite controlling.

Good for you for booking something for the kids. I'm a single parent and I wouldn't let someone who was happy to swan off on a five day bender dictate to me what I could and couldn't spend money on with regards to my children. They come first. Not week long excuses to get drunk. My boyfriend, not the father of my child, actually paid for my daughter and myself to go away for 5 days because he wanted us to have fun and be taken care of where we might have only been able to go for a weekend normally. If he can't understand that that money could have been booked on a family holiday since December then he's an inconsiderate turd.

My ex h used to do this.
He even went away for a weekend ( though not abroard) when I was 8 months pregnant and had a toddler.

Note - he is my ex h and good riddance to him.

NorthernSpirit - do your skiing holidays deprive the rest of your family of a holiday, because you’ve spent the family budget and used up annual leave? Do you tell your other half that they can’t book a short, overnight trip with the kids because you’ve used up the spare cash?

I'm with you OP, completely over the top, massive sense of entitlement for a father of three who should get a grip and behave like an adult. Shame these single sex events are a mandatory prerequisite to a wedding, for some people. Just an excuse to over indulge I'd say, making some vague sort of statement that the bride/groom need a final celebratory event, as life as they know it will change irrevocably for the the worse. Overseas drunken jaunts nearly always end up giving our country a bad name and quite rightly disgust the people of the country where the hens and stags choose to indulge their excesses. Quite sure it could all be done on a smaller, cheaper and more dignified scale.

Enjoy Chessington you and the children deserve something to balance out your partner's selfishness.

When he says "he budgeted for it" why is he in sole charge of the budget? YANBU that's it's outrageous to decide you can afford a 5 day drinking binge with his mates but not a few days away with the kids.

He isn't in sole charge of the budget, he means from his wage, he budgeted funds for this trip.
The money is transparent, he doesn't hide things from me. I can access everything should I need too, and I have my own cash coming in.

He’s an adult, he can make his own decisions. I’m a women and go skiing with my mates for a week every winter. I don’t have to ask for my husbands ‘permission’. You sound quite controlling.

Controlling my arse.

He's a husband and father and therefore has others to think about, not just himself. That's the bit that's wrong.