5 day "stag"

[fruitshot]

Stag/hen do's.

This one is for the men, left Wednesday, won't see him again till Monday, 4 days solid drinking, foreign country.

AIBU to think this is excessive?

He sounds like a selfish git to me.

I would be mightily pissed off too. Your DH is a selfish knob.

Are any of the children his?

Open your own savings account and start putting a monthly sum in there from the joint account.
Can you go back to work at all and make him share the childcare?
Well done for booking a break with the DCs - in principle I have no beef with foreign stag or hen trips - great if they can be afforded- but it's a real asshole who decides he's got enough dosh to fly abroad and get slaughtered for 5 days , but can't afford to take his DCs on a mini break to a theme park.

He's an adult, he can make his own decisions

Actually when you are an adult with a partner and children you don't just get to make your 'own' decisions. And it's interesting that you call OP controlling, yet he's on his holiday having told the OP she can't take the kids away. Who is really the controlling one?

Eldest is mine, youngest is ours, middle child is his (makes them sound like possession, poor wording)

I do save separate to him. I'm just not sure it should be solely my responsibility to fund family holidays, surely it should be a joint venture?

My other half's friends usually do a full week abroad non stop drinking for stag dos and there's usually a couple a year, Croatia, Benidorm, Portugal etc

Controlling? Lol, I'm the one sat at home with the kids and he's off on a jolly for 5 days, not sure where you get that impression from!

The days away wouldn't bother me so much (although 5 solid days it a bit excessive for a stag do and immature imo if all they are doing is bar hopping and getting inebriated which by the way is expensive!!)

But the money situation would piss. me. off.

It's happening more and more. And then the wedding is somewhere long haul too.

I'm just not sure it should be solely my responsibility to fund family holidays, surely it should be a joint venture

It's not going to be a joint venture though is it as from your posts he's the only earner so regardless of who puts the money into savings it came from the same place. Unless your counting child benefit etc as an income.

We don't tend to do adult only holidays as go as a family but lots do to maintain adult friendships etc.

I don't get these over the top hen/stag do's but then I'm old and have been married for 22 years. We had one night and spent most of the money on the wedding/honeymoon. When did it get so out of hand? And the costs for all involved!

YANBU! Look after your priorities first before you go on a 5 day bender - manchild!

My Dh also is self employed so pays himself a wage and dividends but I know exactly what he invoices so we both know what we can afford.

Just because your Dh pays himself dividends doesn't mean that is all the money there is in the account. His all about me attitude is worrying. I would be wanting to see his tax return. I see Dh's because we both have the same accountant.

Surely your Dh doesn't work weekends and so you can take yourself off for a lovely little weekend somewhere. Just do what you want to do, read, swim, walk, sleep. Enjoy it.

Take an amount from the joint account for family holiday fund. All joint expenses ... food bills joint account. You both get spends of same amount. If he can fund his lads holiday each year from this fine. If you can that’s great too. Yours might have to be 3 weekends as he is self employed... but then I’d prefer the separate weekends anyway 😂

He should be making time for a family break not going on his own mini break! My fiancé doesn’t want a stag but his brother is insisting they go out for a few drinks locally. Stags are traditionally just a stag night aren’t they? All this stag weekend stuff is nonsense!

@YodelOdel I see everything, I see the invoices, I know how much is in the business accounts and where the money goes, don't worry, there is no hiding anything, he just has more surplus cash than I do as my income in ring fenced for food and monthly expenses.
And yes, I also see all of the tax returns, his SAE and the end of your accounts.

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn that's actually a very good point, you're right 👍🏼

Can't you go back to work and earn your own money? Book yourself a trip with mates or the kids then?
Aren't you going the hen?

So this week is at the expense of your family holiday?

I'd be changing the locks (and I say this as someone who has agreed that my DP can have a 5 day mini break with his cousin as we cannot go away as a family for various reasons this year!!)

Ah ok, it just seemed surprising that he could magic this money for himself but not for the family. It does show where his priorities are though.

I still suggest that weekend though.

I don't know what type of job your Dh does but we make sure to schedule in regular breaks for Dh, either long weekends so the Friday and the Monday, and then our actual holidays. It is always discussed way ahead of time so we can save money to cover the fact that he isn't earning whilst on holiday.

I will say though, I hate the whole the boiler might break bit because then again it might not. I have had a close friend literally drop dead from sepsis and another has just gone through breast cancer. It really makes you grab opportunities while you are still healthy.

Financially there is no need for me to work, other than if I wanted to work purely for holidays, which we can afford, he just chooses to prioritise his over ours.
My issues isn't finances, it's his choices, ipso facto, my husband has been a selfish prick

It's his friendship group, not mine, so I'm not going to the hen.

I would book it and just go and sod what he had to do to look after the kids!
Or I would plan it so he didn't know and on. Friday evening just walk out with a packed bag into a taxi and enjoy whatever you had booked. Then text him every so often saying how much fun you are having etc
But then I am a cow like that!

@YodelOdel I very much doubt he has even factored into this whole debacle how this looks to me.
He would've simply seen it as;
Stag do planned December
Pay my flights and accommodation
I need beer money
He would've just paid it out of his wages, he wouldn't even think "why do I have a surplus for a holiday, perhaps I shouldn't? Perhaps I should put that to a joint holiday" it would of just been transaction based, no emotions, if that makes sense.

And yeh, ideally I would like to factor time off, but you have to take the contracts whilst they are there sadly.

@tinytemper66 I am also a cow, which is why I haven't chosen to ignore him whilst he is away rather than give him my vitriol 😂