5 day "stag"

[fruitshot]

Stag/hen do's.

This one is for the men, left Wednesday, won't see him again till Monday, 4 days solid drinking, foreign country.

AIBU to think this is excessive?

I wouldn't be too annoyed with the drinking (even though it's not my thing) but I would be pissed off that I wasn't having a family holiday too.

How has he justified taking annual leave/spending money for this but not for family holidays? Let me guess: 'but it's Jake's stag do! I can't miss his stag do!' .

"It's a stag do, it's been booked since December, I budgeted for it, I'm using my own money not joint money"

Could've put that own money into the joint point...just saying mate.

I go on five day holidays to hot countries where I get drunk most days with my friends several times a year. I don’t think the length of the stag or the drinking is a problem in itself if it’s what all parties involved want to do.

Sorry Fruit - I read your OP and assumed too. It’s a shitty situation and your OH is an asshole, quite frankly. When he gets back there’s a serious conversation to have about what he actually brings to the family, his lack of care and respect for you and the need to prioritise his family over his own wants.

Maybe I'm just a jealous cow.

I don't know how other women can slap on a smile and be "happy for them" when they are stuck at home with kids and their OH is having a whale of a time.

Anyone got any tips to stop me being a bitter old hag?

It's stupid, tacky and excessive.

So do you get your own pot of money that could be used for a solo holiday (not saying you would/should) or does your money have to go on things for the family?

Book next year’s holiday as soon as he gets back. Then he can work that into his budget for the next time.

Maybe start planning how you’ll spend the 5 child free days he owes you when he gets home?

It sounds really excessive for a stag do!
I’d not be ok with it if it meant the kids and I then didn’t get a holiday. So glad my DP doesn’t really drink

Not unusual but excessive in my view. Part of the recent trend of making things that used to be small scale and maybe an evening or a day into bigger and more expensive events.

Hopefully without the unpleasant behaviour some places have to cope with from stag and hen dos.

DH used to go on four day golf holidays when the DCs were tiny. It used to piss me off no end. And we used to get family holidays. I just resented having to look after a baby and a toddler/two toddlers while he was off having fun and I was stuck doing a 'job' with no breaks that I hated at the best of times. I don't care how bitter that makes me sound.

Now the DCs are older I don't mind at all, but FFS, why can't men put their jolly boys holidays on hold for a few years?

Maybe start planning how you’ll spend the 5 child free days he owes you when he gets home?

THIS!!

I’d be hacked off with it too op. It’s not you being jealous, it’s about him being selfish.

That's very unfair on you and the kids. I would book a family holiday now for next year and tell him to put it in his budget - no mini break for him next year! I would be so annoyed too - his behaviour is extremely selfish.

I wouldn't be bothered by it to be honest as long as affords you the same courtesy.. ( I'd be booking a solo trip when he gets back )

I don't mind DH going on stag dos but I would mind if it meant we couldn't afford a family holiday, that's really not on! No wonder you're pissed off.

It's not a particularly new thing to have these hen/stag mini breaks. I got married in 1996 and went away for four days with ten mates.

I tried the "my 5 days off" tactic, and he looked incredulous, because you know, he has to work, he can't take time off...
I'm at home with the kids, so I don't have a wage as such, we pay a sum into my account every month for all the food shopping and any extras I would want or need (I'm not a shoe string before anyone thinks he's making me life on beans and bread)
We have a joint account where all the bills get paid out of, so lump sum goes into there monthly, and then he pays himself a wage, which is what he has used to fund this mini break.
We also have joint savings too.

So many typos, sorry

The drinking culture in this country depresses me.

OP - I would be fine with this, but ONLY if it didn’t impact the prospect of a family holiday.

Seriously, what kind of father puts a five-day piss up over and above the chance for his three young kids to have a few days away over the summer.

Is he your husband , OP? Why do you have separate bank accounts in the first place?

Also, they will no doubt be spending a lot in strippers over a five day period and this in itself is enough - let alone that he could be spending that money in his kids. I don’t know how you cope.

No I've written it down, actually, I can see that this is a little unfair.
My money is for food etc etc etc, and his isn't ringfenced for anything 🤔 I think I'm being short changed here!

I'd be absolutely livid OP.

He can't afford to take his own wife and children away, but can afford to go away for 5 days with his friends and spend extortionate amounts of money on booze, which makes him sound like a selfish, immature twat.

As someone else said, I hope he'll afford you the same courtesy, and you get to have a few child free days of fun after he gets back.

@Zadig we don't, we both have a sole account and everything else is joint.
This is both 2nd time around for us (although I had never been married before) so I am happy to maintain some financial Independence in the form of my sole account.

So you're missing out on a family holiday AND he can't/ won't take any time off to give you a break?

I'd be fucking raging. Selfish, selfish man.

He's a selfish prick. What kind of man deprives his wife and kids of a holiday so he can go on a 5 day bender with his mates? I'd be telling him what an absolute let down as a husband and father he had turned out to be and that he had better work out a way to address the imbalance of breaks/ finances asap before I considered ending the marriage.

I'd dump him he's a selfish bastard