Wedding with unexpected photo of dead relative

[AgonisedAunt]

Would you think it reasonable to be confronted by a photo of your parent, who had died last year, at a relative's wedding? Without being asked if that was ok?

I like it. I think it shows love and respect. Why would an unexpected photo upset you? Do you never think of him unless you see a photo? I would find it comforting, and be so happy that he was loved and thought of by others.

They were totally unreasonable, anyone else who has answered to the contrary hasn’t had a parent die, I would imagine.

I’ve had a parent (and a sibling) die in sudden and rather traumatic circumstances. I don’t think bride and groom were unreasonable. Not to my tastes, but still NU.

All the talk of “appropriation” of one’s own grandparent IS unreasonable though.

Seeing an update that she's the granddaughter, I think YABU.
She didn't need to ask permission.
I thought from your first post that she'd be a niece or even great niece
You don't have to be thrilled but it's not your day.

She's his granddaughter, she was close enough for him to walk her down the aisle. She is close family! This isnt a random relative.

I understand you're upset op but he wasn't just your father, you don't own his memory and you don't have the right to decide how other people grieve for him.

I understand your mother was upset as well but this is her granddaughter, who has chosen to remember her grandfather on her wedding day and she absolutely has the right to do that. She will be greiving too op. I find it slightly odd that your mum wouldn't cut her own granddaughter some slack after the initial shock.

I think it sounds rather nice.

I can get why your DM was upset and I think it would have be courteous for your sibling (presumably mother or father of the bride) to have let her know that they were going to do it. But In Memoriam tables are pretty common at weddings these days. I'm normally an aul bitch about things like this but I think it's appropriate to acknowledge people you love and miss at major life events. I don't think it's fair to think the bride is being "mawkish" or proprietary for remembering her much loved and missed grandfather on her wedding day.

I'd see it as a bittersweet moment- very sad they weren't there but happy that they were loved and missed by more than me. My DGrandfather was mentioned by my dad in his speeches at both my wedding and that of my DSis, and we recently had a growth chart for our DCs made for with his nn for us on it. I grow tomatoes in my conservatory to remind myself of the smell of his greenhouse. It's not fair to police other people's reasonable acts of remembrance.

Having said that there's a local wedding photographer who has brides and grooms wave at the sky and then superimposes dead relatives' faces in the clouds. That's going a bit far for me but sure it makes their families happy.

I think some PPs are giving the OP an unnecessarily hard time. I agree that the bridal couple didn't need to ask permission to include a photo of the bride's recently deceased DGD. I do think they ought to have forewarned everyone, particularly her DGM, especially considering her age.

But you must surely understand that the OP is grieving and for that reason won't always react reasonably. And she's venting on here, presumably not creating a storm within the family about it.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

Having said that there's a local wedding photographer who has brides and grooms wave at the sky and then superimposes dead relatives' faces in the clouds

I’ve seen wedding photos where the dead relative has been photoshopped into the group shots.

Each to their own but that is a bridge too far for me.

Was the person dead in the photo? Or was it a picture of when he was still alive? I would find the first shocking too.

At my DDs wedding her dead GM and her grooms dead GF were mentioned in speeches. No photos though and definitely no shrines or candles.

As the bride was remembering her GF I think YABU to be annoyed. Just because she is one generation removed that does not mean she does not get to remember her grandad at her wedding. I can understand you and your DM being taken aback though. Presumably the bride is your sisters daughter? Was your sister aware they were doing that?

I also think weddings are emotional affairs anyway so perhaps that is part of the reason why it struck a chord with your DM and you. I remember at my DDs wedding having a conversation about how my DF would have loved to see his granddaughter get married and both me and my DM had a few tears. He died more than 20 years ago so time does not necessarily take the rawness away at family occasions. Better that than be forgotten I say.

Haha no the people are alive and well in the photos! Not to my taste but people obviously go for it.

He also gets the groom to stare at the telly and then photoshops in a black and white picture of the bride onto the screen. I've seen him do the same with mirrors, bodies of water....basically any reflective surface.

A bit grim IMO but each to their own I guess. I've never seen this at a wedding and had no idea it had become a thing. It would have been better for them have warned you. YANBU.