To have had enough already?

[Jenjenyeahyeah]

Sorry this is long :( We’re only a few weeks in to the holidays and I’m at the point already where I dread every single day and feel like I’m just waiting for bedtime. I have two girls, 5 and 6, and anything and everything I try to do with them just ends up a bloody nightmare. I know myself that I don’t do well without structure, so term time I find better with the set times for school, then I get on with my jobs in the house for the day then school pick up and after school clubs, homework and bath stories bed.

Without a set structure to the holidays I try to let the girls relax but also do stuff with them, go for walks, painting, paddling pool, movie afternoon with treats - and every evening after a nightmarish day I say to myself that tomorrow I will try harder and that we’ll have fun and I’ll enjoy the time with them while they’re off school. But every day, anything I try to do just ends up turning to crap real quick. Examples - yesterday got I got rolls of wallpaper out for doing big painting in the garden - within MINUTES older girl had rubbed blue paint on the dog and was then rushing toward the laundry line to rub her hands all over the fresh drying laundry. Today, it was hot so set up the paddling pool for them, they had a little paddle and a play with the bath toys I’d brought down but then older girl decides to grab handfuls of mud from the flower bed and start chucking it in the pool - then younger one starts to copy. They then stood on the side of the pool so all the water came out. Dinner time they purposely threw most of the food on the floor, and bath time they spat toothpaste at me and older child kept sticking her fingers up her nose and rubbing it all over the bathroom tiles. Board games get trashed, books get trashed, everything gets broken, nothing respected and the house trashed by the end of every day. Going out ends up a dissster as we’ll be 5 minutes into a walk and one will decide they want to go home, or shopping older girl will behave really badly (lifting her skirt, grabbing items off the shelves, shouting). I give warnings, say they will lose things (toys, tv time etc) and I follow through if they still don’t stop. Older girl especially I feel like she’s doing certain things on purpose to upset me/get a reaction (eg last week i’d just vacuumed and she proceeded to empty all the crumbs from her pack of crisps onto the floor then stamp on it...I made her clean it up once she’d calmed down enough for her to listen to me) but I just feel like by 2pm I’m counting the hours until bedtime, which I feel really sad and guilty about. But I’m just not having fun. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong? Why am I finding it so difficult to spend an entire day wit my own children at the moment. Aibu and does everyone just deal with this in the holidays and I need to stop feeling so moany?

I have absolutely no idea how parents survive the school holidays.

I only solo parent my two children (11 months and 4yts) two days a week and it is HARD work to the point I dread them sometimes. The thought of having to do that 5 days a week would horrify me!!

You deserve a medal OP for even surviving this long!

Your older one's behaviour sounds quite extreme. I have 2 'naughty' boys and yet they would never dream of running to get paint on the laundry on purpose, or wilfully emptying crumbs onto the carpet. So I feel for you, it must be very tough.

My 2 are currently confined to their separate bedrooms as I went to put the baby in the bath and came back with her to find them rolling around on the floor and the sofa cushions all over.

Mine like clubs and fortunately near me there are loads of things going on. Most of the clubs aren't full days - the ones they're booked onto vary between 2 and 4 hours - but it means there's a focus to the day and they get to use up some energy so if we don't do much when they're at home I don't feel too guilty! And the long summer break doesn't seem so long if I know what's happening when. So if I were you I'd try to get your 2 booked onto some activities.

Divide and conquer worked here so would send one to summer club one day and spend the day with the other and then would do the opposite the next day. Even if they only went once a week each it made a huge difference. Divide and conquer worked at home as well if they couldn't behave they were sent to different rooms with something quiet to do like a colouring book etc.

My two are a bit younger (3 and 4) but sounds just the same. The constant fighting is what gets me the most!!

They get bored of everything within 5 minutes. I feel like I'm failing as I end up plonking them in front of the TV to entertain them but like you, I've tried all sorts!!

OP

Your girls sound really badly behaved. Seriously.

Their behaviour needs to be your focus, not whether or not their having the most fun they’ve had.

I am still at the baby stage but as a tentative suggestion - could you impose some kind of routine? Wake up at the same time, breakfast, outside activity (walk, town, park, swimming etc.), home for lunch, independent play (in the garden or crafts in the house), chore time (give them a few options- maybe putting laundry away or tidying their rooms), a bit of screen time while you sort dinner or have downtime yourself then dinner, bath, bed? I like routine myself and as a teacher I hate days "off timetable" as lack of structure really riles the pupils up. Perhaps if it is a bit more structured they will know what to expect and this may help behaviour. It does sound tough and you sound like you are doing a good job!

Carribeanyesplease I do activities with them to try and stop them from getting bored and to try and enrich their day - they are ‘good’ (as in don’t move much) when plonked in front of the tv but I don’t feel that that’s the best way to spend a day for them. But yes, I know their behaviour is bad, obviously.

GreenMeerKat - yes there is lots of fighting too - I feel like they’re either fighting with eachother or they gang up against me - and I don’t know which is worse!

Mine need a lot of exercise - then basically they don't have the energy to be naughty!

Is a holiday club an option? We both work, so we are juggling time off with family and holiday clubs. When we have them, we plan what we are doing with them and make sure we're out of the house relatively early.

My elder one used to play up a bit like yours. It was suggested to me by a good friend that I find time to have 1 on 1 time with him. Just a couple of hours a week playing a board game or going to the park. That really helped. I think sometimes the older child can be a bit resentful of the younger one,

OP, it sounds like you try hard to please them. Maybe provide less fun for now and assert yourself more with clear expectations and consequences. Avoid known problems: DD yanks up skirt = make her wear shorts. I sympathize.

Dinner time they purposely threw most of the food on the floor, and bath time they spat toothpaste at me and older child kept sticking her fingers up her nose and rubbing it all over the bathroom tiles. Board games get trashed, books get trashed, everything gets broken, nothing respected and the house trashed by the end of every day.

This is not normal behaviour for children of these ages.
It really isn’t.

My point is that your focus, whilst loving and thoughtful, is just not appropriate.

Their behaviour needs to be addressed.

Then you all should enjoy family life more

Have you name changed?

Oh dear yes I’ve been meaning to change my profile name on here for a while and after posting my post I changed it - but it didn’t seem to change on my original post. I’m still not completely 100% on how the forums work

I do think your eldest is being naughty. I’d remove her from the activity if she starts disrupting things. Only let her back if she’s apologised and is calm.

Things I used to do with mine....

Let them make a list of things they’d like to do, so it’s them thinking how to occupy themselves, not just you.

Keep a diary. At the end of each day (before tea) get them to draw pictures or do a bit of writing about what they enjoyed best about the day. They can then stick it in a “diary”. This is a really nice end to the day as it’s positive. We’ve still got theses diaries and my dds are in their twenties. They are lovely to keep and read!

Also I firmly believed in letting them entertain themselves for pet of the day. . Don’t feel you have to fill every minute. It’s fine to say “mummy needs to do X”, so you need to leave me to get on with it. (Even if it’s lying down in your bedroom for 10 minutes!)
If they were really annoying me I also used to say my mind needed a rest, so I couldn’t talk to them for 10 mins . I know that sounds awful but they can drive you mad!

eg last week i’d just vacuumed and she proceeded to empty all the crumbs from her pack of crisps onto the floor then stamp on it...I made her clean it up once she’d calmed down enough for her to listen to me)

OP this is horribly vindictive.

I really feel for you but something is amiss and it’s not About keeping them entertained during the summer holidays

It sounds like they expect you to just keep coming up with more and more for them to do.

Focus on behaviour and rewards, when they misbehave don't react just take the activity they were doing away (or them from the activity) and carry on with what you were doing. They're doing it for a rise out of you.

Once they realise you're not biting they'll stop.

Poor you, your eldest’s behaviour sounds horrific. Is she that badly behaved during term time?
You need to get up and out as early as possible to stop the house getting trashed and to prevent (or limit) the bored, obnoxious behaviour kicking in.

Get out your calendar and plan every day that week, with structure. I look online and on Facebook and find a (mostly free) activity to do every day, that they will look forward to. Try and have one at the end of the week that they’re really excited for, that you can use as leverage for good behaviour. Museums, art galleries, library activities, beach, forest walks (my local forest offer free activities so have a look), free craft sessions, etc.
Meet up wirh friends as much as you can; letting off steam in the playground might help.

Try to get home in time for some down time, before you have to cook etc. Put a movie on for them and give yourself some time to relax wirh a drink before you begin night time routine.

I try to get all the tidying up done BEFORE they go to bed, so I have the evening to unwind. It also feels so much better waking with a clean slate.

When they’re really pissing you off, go for a drive and turn the music up. Sometimes I just have to do this. Calms me, calms them.

I’m wirh you, though, it is HARD work. My husband works away permanently and I have no family here, so it’s just me and a 3 and 6 year old. The days when nothing is planned and we spend a lot of time at home are the days when I want to scream.

Btw, if your child acts that badly in a shop, put her in the trolley and pretend to go and find a security guard to speak to her. Sounds mean but works for mine

To put all this in perspective, I’ve been away with work quite a lot. This week 3 days/2 nights. No comma with dh. They came to pick me up from the airport and after putting kids in the car, he wrapped his arms around me, told me how much he loves me and then looked me in the eye, tears in them and told me that he just can’t do it anymore. He can’t cope.

Holidays suck the almighty hammer of Thor and should be banned. I’ve been through 22 years of summer holidays and they don’t get easier. Don’t feel guilty. You love your kids. You’re exhausted and they are pressing buttons because they know it. It’ll end soon.

The summer holidays are tough but it does sound like lack of routine may be a factor. Also, maybe an overhaul on house rules with a focus on reward (seeing as punishment doesn't appear to be working).

Definitely focus on as much running around as possible, sometimes this is better if you can meet with friends? As others have said, if you can afford a few hours holiday club (Sports, slime making, den building etc) would give you a break or some one to one time.

Op you sound like you have it pretty rough! What little minxes! Have you tried the traffic light system? Works wonders for my two, I made three giant emoji faces green yellow and red and attached two pegs to it with their names on. You get the jist, yellow warning, red really not good! If they managed to stay between the green and yellow all day, some kind of treat (in our house kinder mini choc bars are gold!)
Have they got any specific interests? I know some children hate craft (mine aren't keen), maybe treasure hunts? A4 sheet each draw on things to find, go for a walk and hunt?
Local parks you can just let them run loose and not have to worry? Invite friends to play?
I have had to organise my whole week with diff things to do each day or my boys get so bored! It's so hard but I def think mixing it up is key!

This doesn’t sound like normal high spirits for a 6yo - how is her behaviour at school? Has anything happened recently to bring on this level of misbehaving?

The activities you set up for them, how many are you involved in with them? My feeling is that they are wanting attention so are playing up to get it. If I were you I would plan activities that involve you doing them with them and see if their behaviour improves. I would make sure you talk to both of them while doing the activity and get them to work with you to achieve something. It really does sound like an extreme bid for attention and although it seems counterintuitive to give them more of your time and attention, I think it might turn things around.

Im with you on this one op, iv two boys 5 and 6 and so far the holidays have been hell- mainly because we are restricted in what we can do as ds1 has an external fixator frame on his leg due to a nasty break and relies on a wheelchair and cannot do anything involving water or very messy, and ds2 has epilepsy autism and adhd. Behaviour wise i would be putting some very firm rules into place, and consequences if your rules are not adhered to- spitting and snot wiping and such are not behaviours i would accept from a 5 and 6 year old. Perhaps a talk about what is expected of them if you take them out before you go, and warnings of what will happen if they misbehave. At first it seems as if you are constantly using time out and it isnt working- but believe me it does, after a couple of days when they realise you are serious about this and they have no attention good or bad whilst in time out- and they can hear the other child being given positive attention whilst they are out of the situation, it clicks that good attention from you is so much nicer than bad attention. Heap praise on good behaviour, warning and time out for bad- and invest in some lovely lovely wine for when they are in bed! You deserve it!

I think you’re children are very badly behaved and I think you need to seriously work on this rather than running yourself ragged trying to keep them entertained.

My 5 year old wouldn’t dream of behaving g like this’ll. he’s a normal boy and can be very untidy, but will put one lot of toys away before he can get others out. He’s still exist and I am glad when it’s bedtime, but your children do seem extreme

To be honest OP I think your 6 year olds behaviour sounds extreme.

What does her teacher have to say about her? Does she do things like this at school or elsewhere?