To have had enough already?

[Jenjenyeahyeah]

Sorry this is long :( We’re only a few weeks in to the holidays and I’m at the point already where I dread every single day and feel like I’m just waiting for bedtime. I have two girls, 5 and 6, and anything and everything I try to do with them just ends up a bloody nightmare. I know myself that I don’t do well without structure, so term time I find better with the set times for school, then I get on with my jobs in the house for the day then school pick up and after school clubs, homework and bath stories bed.

Without a set structure to the holidays I try to let the girls relax but also do stuff with them, go for walks, painting, paddling pool, movie afternoon with treats - and every evening after a nightmarish day I say to myself that tomorrow I will try harder and that we’ll have fun and I’ll enjoy the time with them while they’re off school. But every day, anything I try to do just ends up turning to crap real quick. Examples - yesterday got I got rolls of wallpaper out for doing big painting in the garden - within MINUTES older girl had rubbed blue paint on the dog and was then rushing toward the laundry line to rub her hands all over the fresh drying laundry. Today, it was hot so set up the paddling pool for them, they had a little paddle and a play with the bath toys I’d brought down but then older girl decides to grab handfuls of mud from the flower bed and start chucking it in the pool - then younger one starts to copy. They then stood on the side of the pool so all the water came out. Dinner time they purposely threw most of the food on the floor, and bath time they spat toothpaste at me and older child kept sticking her fingers up her nose and rubbing it all over the bathroom tiles. Board games get trashed, books get trashed, everything gets broken, nothing respected and the house trashed by the end of every day. Going out ends up a dissster as we’ll be 5 minutes into a walk and one will decide they want to go home, or shopping older girl will behave really badly (lifting her skirt, grabbing items off the shelves, shouting). I give warnings, say they will lose things (toys, tv time etc) and I follow through if they still don’t stop. Older girl especially I feel like she’s doing certain things on purpose to upset me/get a reaction (eg last week i’d just vacuumed and she proceeded to empty all the crumbs from her pack of crisps onto the floor then stamp on it...I made her clean it up once she’d calmed down enough for her to listen to me) but I just feel like by 2pm I’m counting the hours until bedtime, which I feel really sad and guilty about. But I’m just not having fun. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong? Why am I finding it so difficult to spend an entire day wit my own children at the moment. Aibu and does everyone just deal with this in the holidays and I need to stop feeling so moany?

My mum never kept us occupied 24/7

We had to get on with it.

Your children sound very naughty indeed.

I would set up a reward chart and if they can occupy themselves for at least half an hour they can do A, B or C.

If not, the misbehaving child gets no attention whatsoever.

Don’t rush with the morning routine.
Breakfast
TV
Dressed and teeth doesn’t need rushing.

Park for running around.

Home for lunch.

Relaxing

Activities

Dinner

Bath and bed.

Job done.

But take away things that hurt when they misbehave.

No advice, just sympathy. I have 5 DC aged 5-16 and I want to fucking murder them. DH and I are about as stressed as we've ever been. They fight, scream, whine and disobey us all day, every day. Nothing is good enough for them and they won't stop bugging me for fucking snacks. I am at my wits end. My teeth actually hurt from all the grinding and I have nail marks in my palms.

I agree with PPs that your girls' behaviour seems very extreme and not what I would expect from children of this age. I'm at home with my 2 (aged 5 and 8) all summer too and it is very hard work so I do sympathise. I do think you should look into getting some help with behaviour - maybe even the GP?

Is your eldest well behaved at school, it seems she is overwhelmed with all the free time?

Try relaxing a little. I think you've got to a point where you are dreading whatever you are going to try because you know they're going to do something
Today, it was hot so set up the paddling pool for them, they had a little paddle and a play with the bath toys I’d brought down but then older girl decides to grab handfuls of mud from the flower bed and start chucking it in the pool - then younger one starts to copy. They then stood on the side of the pool so all the water came out.

this actually sounds fun and mine would have done it too, I'd have joined in with the draining of the pool and tried to control where they took the mud from. In fact I think mine did this and we turned it into a game making a desert island etc. Obviously a bit different if its one of those big paddling pool that you can leave up for several days. There is only so much any youngster can do with a bit of water and a few toys they need to use their imagination and develop the game into something else you just need to point it in an appropriate direction.

ages 5 and 6 for us was the year philosophers stone came out (yes we're old) so the mornings were taken up with swimming courses then they spent the afternoons recreating Diagon alley with a load of old packing boxes. They made all the shops 'Olivanders' the joke shop etc and made stuff out of lego to go with it.

I didn't try and structure things just went with it and if the house is a mess with stuff everywhere who cares. Don't stress the stuff that is easy to clean up and doesn't involve the RSPCA. That way you can control the really bad stuff like paint on the washing and the dog.

Kids are easily distracted and often an activity that we will think will last for hours they will tire of in 4 1/2 minutes. So leave the vacuuming until they've well and truly finished with the destruction.

I would agree, I have 4 boys and would be the first to admit they were exhausting when they were little, but they were not defiantly and deliberately destructive. And if they had been, I would have punished them. So - you throw mud into the paddling pool, fine. You let the water out, you clean the paddling pool, you go to your room in disgrace and tomorrow your sister plays in the paddling pool while you watch from the window.
And I would have shouted as well. A lot of angry shouting.

My utter sympathy we are also struggling massively this holiday 💐.

My children are literally running rings round me and I have been in tears most days.

This is our unstructured week the next few weeks we have intensive swimming lessons and tennis. This suits me better as we have to be out of the house early and gives us some structure.

Just echoing that your older girl is behaving very badly. Is this normal for her?

Otherwise to be honest I think you are expecting too much - are you supervising activities? Didn't you say stop the second the mud went in the pool (I might not myself but that's because I think putting mud in the paddling pool sounds fun... but if I wanted them to stop I would tell them so)? Or when older DD wiped her painty hands on the dog?

The holidays are hard but writing a list of activities to do should help, including ones that are home based. If they trash your efforts, low effort ones like painting with buckets of water outside or doing little treasure hunts for each other. Mostly you'll have to fully engage with them rather than expecting them to get on with it (unfortunately )

Plenty of people here saying your kids are awful, very few offering any constructive advice...

I would talk to your six year old though. By herself, at a (relatively) calm time. Try and understand why she does things she knows upset you and cause you to have to discipline her. Has she /does she always behave this way or is it new?

Although I'd also say some of the things that you mention don't seem naughty to me - mud in the paddling pool and spilling the water out just sounds like developing the game to me, and lifting up her skirt - she's only tiny, it's not like she's doing a striptease. I'd focus on things that actually cause a problem - hurting people or animals,destroying property, deliberately winding you up. But alongside a system of consequences I would really try to get to the bottom of how she's feeling is this behaviour doesn't sound like a happy child.

Your children sound ghastly OP i'm assuming there are additional needs?

If stuff gets trashed then bin it, in front of them, and DON’T replace it. Let them see that they have less stuff. That’s the consequence.

No more crisps in the living room either. If they behave like pigs with their food, take it away. Don’t ever allow them to eat anywhere except at the kitchen table or snacks in the garden. If my child had deliberately trodden crisps into the carpet that is the last time they would have eaten crisps in my house. Seriously. Be firm and make them experience some consequences. dont spend your energy thinking up nice things for them to do and but them nicer thungs while they behave like this.

I'm not surprised you are finding things rough because their behaviour, particularly the older one sounds quite extreme.

I have a 4 year old boy who is full of energy and needs entertaining but he would not behave in the way you have described.

Do you have anyone who can give you any help? Mum, partner, sister? Having two adults might at least give you some respite.

Can you afford to go to soft play? A couple of hours charging around in there in the morning then home for lunch and playing with their toys/watching a film might work?

Or swimming? Lots of pools have special offers on and swimming usually wears kids out.

I wouldn't worry too much about them having fun - you are doing your best in what sound like difficult circumstances.

they won't stop bugging me for fucking snacks.

Haha, this made me laugh because it’s SO true. I practically have to bribe my 6yo to eat during school term.
He’s been famished every day of the holidays, snacking CONTINUALLY. He even said, when I said no to snack number 134, ‘you can’t starve me!!!!!’

Your eldest needs a referral to camhs

Go to the gp and tell them what her behaviour is like.

It’s not on the spectrum of normal.

No wonder your at the end of your tether!

OP it sounds like your children need discipline and boundries my 5 year old has asd and would never behave like that and if she did there would be severe consequences. I would be implementing a routine and reward system starting from tomorrow if I was you.

This behaviour sounds extreme to me.

I have 6yo twins. I have sent them to a church activity club all this week (2.5 hours each morning) then 1 planned activity a day. Today we went to the beach for the afternoon.

They do squabble, especially when tired, but it's rarely bad and usually I leave them to sort it out. I do set expectations out at the start of each activity.

Despite them behaving fairly well, I'm exhausted. I fell asleep at 6pm on the sofa on Wednesday - dh was home from work so did tea and bedtime! I woke at 8pm! Holidays is exhausting. I'm back to work next week and that'll be easier!

Chucking dinner on the floor is not normal behaviour at this age though. Time to lay down the law and set holiday rules!

This does sound really awful op, my heart does go out to you. My neighbours struggling with her two, she's fucking sending them to noise me up everyday

However, I have four dc 9, 7 and 3 yo twins and we've just finished our 5th week off, 2 and a half to go. Not one day have I had one of them being like this, of course they have had their moments but not purposely being a wee shit.

Hows their behaviour usually?

Oh my God are you lot for real??? "Ghastly"? Special needs? CAMHS??? The OP is describing largely high spirits and some naughtiness. I can imagine it is frustrating,and for sure the OP could probably try some different parenting tactics, but bloody hell surely all children play up and do deliberately naughty things to get a rise sometimes!

Serious OP, Friday nights on MN are strange, think some posters have been at the

Your kids are not monsters, and nothing you've described would indicate they're mentally ill, don't listen to this bullshit.

Your oldest behaviour is unusual, have her behavioural issues been noticed at school?

Stop trying to be fun mum and get into survival mode: create a new routine.

Every morning go somewhere they can be let off the lead relatively safely (park, a big field, empty school playground, beach, woods) and let them run and play with minimal intervention from you. Spend 2 hours there, then go back home and let them play whatever (again, minimal intervention).

I see modern parents trying to entertain their kids and guide their play, when benign neglect gives kids a bit more space. To me (oldie) modern parenting looks exhausting with all this added pressure to have fun all the time, and to "create memories" and play in a photogenic way

Kids love routine, so find a new one and let them play with mud/grass/sticks

I'm sorry op, but this isn't normal behaviour at all. If any of my children, ever did any of those things on your list I would go ballistic. Thing is though, they wouldn't.

As a comparison, i got the paddling pool out today. Dds and two friends (2x6, 7, 9) got costumes on, found towels themselves, played, got dried themselves, then asked me (I was sunbathing with a book) if they were allowed back in the house or needed to dry more.

I'm not saying this to be smug, I think yo need to realise that the above is normal.

Naughtiness and high spirits? Appalling far from acceptable behaviour more like. God help you when they hit the teenage years if you haven't got them under control by then. My DD(4) Is 'spirited'but not nasty, vindictive and wantonly destructive.

Noone is saying it's acceptable but people saying she needs to be referred to mental health services? For chucking some food on the floor??

@Ennirem
'Surely all children play up.'
No, no they don't. Not by 5 and 6, and not like this. I don't know any child who would behave like this.
I'm sorry op if you've just come on here to share similar stories, but the sooner you get to the root of your eldests behaviour, the better.

In fact now I come to think of it the worst things this child has done is making mess. It's not like she's self harming or smearing shit up the walls, or even going so far as to pull her sister's hair!

I can only hope none of you perfect parents ever have s child with actual mental health problems, you'll have to be brought round with smelling salts on the hour

i am another one who thinks that your children sound really badly behaved, I'm sorry. You sound like you are exhausting yourself trying to please them. As someone else said, my mother never played with me or did anything to amuse me, I learned to get on with things and make my own entertainment. They need rules and clear expectations. It sounds like you are run ragged after them. You sound like you are trying so hard , I feel for you, but something has gone wrong somewhere.

As practical advise, ever since they could understand (so I think maybe four or five, cant remember), my children have had to clean up their own mess.
Spill your drink? No problem whatsoever, I'm not going to get cross or even say anything, but you are to get off your chair and get the paper towels yourself to mop it up. It took a while to establish, but works well now.
So, the mud in the paddling pool, they would have been cleaning. The food on the floor, ditto. I wouldn't even be involved.