I just don't recognise that scenario, Ennirem. Perhaps we move on different circles, but I encountered nothing but support for my decision to BF.
We very likely do, Penggwn. I'm a middle class person and had people on my side who had breastfed (although my mother herself formula fed), but I had my baby in a very deprived London borough with astonishingly low bf rates, and my partner's working class family had no history of bf and found the whole thing totally confusing and weird, particularly when I was struggling and all I heard was 'give her a bottle'. On my first night in hospital post c-section, when I was struggling to position baby over my wound the nurse I asked for help just tutted and said "well what's plan B for feeding then?" When I called up my HV in tears, she said "you've tried and you've failed, lots of women do, just send your husband out for formula." The only suport I had I had to hunt down from voluntary and online organisations (not to mention shelling out for an IBCLC to come round and diagnose tongue tie). I'm glad you had a different experience, but... you do realise your personal experience is not the only evidence you should accord any credence to in this world, or you're going to get a very skewed impression of reality?
And I don't think anybody is absolutely entitled to "share their struggles and discuss the challenges", irrespective of what other people want. Feeding is a very personal choice, and clearly provokes strong emotions (though it shouldn't). If a new mum talks about BF constantly to a group of FF mums, I am not surprised they stop wanting to hear about it. It might come across as she won't stop banging on about how much harder she is trying than they did, and perhaps that is why they "shut her down", because she is giving off a superior vibe?
I think it is pretty much universally acknowledged that in our current atomised society peer support and community can be a total lifeline to new mums to prevent them from feeling isolated. Are you basically saying that if a woman wants to be included in that sort of community she'd better damn well formula feed, or certainly not expect any sympathy or support if she has any issues with feeding?
In my group there was a lot of questions back and forth between mums about different bottle teats, prep of formula, whether it could be done in batches, queries about Perfect Prep, how and when to start cutting out night bottles etc etc. Why on earth should I not also have been able to talk about my experiences of cluster feeding, teething-related biting (short lived thank goodness), and other feeding matters without being basically told every time that I wouldn't have this problem if I weaned? I never told them they wouldn't have THEIR problems if they breastfed!
Child discipline is also a fraught issue. But imagine a mum coming to her group of friends with a concern/question about behaviour and being brushed off with a "well-behaved is best, hun!" Well yes obviously well-behaved is best, but well-behaved how? It's a damn silly catchphrase.
Or, perhaps they are better friends than that, and are just trying to reassure her that her baby is fine?
Well yes, I'm not saying people are evil cows going out of their way to make other mums feel shitty am I? Just that breastfeeding women are alreadty isolated by sheer paucity of numbers, if they are further marginalised by being effectively forbidden to even talk about breastfeeding with their peers in case it upsets or offends them they are being cut adrift - it's a social punishment for daring to breastfeed basically.