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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

make dd go on a cruise with us

132 replies

Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 07:40

My dd is 13 and has been on 2 cruises ( when she was about 8)
Both times she got sick. The 1st she caught the norovirus from me - I picked up the bug and shared a water bottle (I'm guessing) the 2nd she was sea sick as the Atlantic was really choppy. So really unlucky both times. (I was ill too)

I love cruises and been on 4 of them though I am really prone to motion sickness it doesn't put me off.

The last 3 years have been bad in our household due to illness. My dh had a knee op that went wrong and now struggles to walk long distance and has managed to wean himself off tablets. I have had various health scares.
The last few years we have gone to beachy resorts in Spain, canaries etc. Where we have had the odd excursion but mainly dossed around by a pool.
This year we had hoped to go to New York where dd really wants to go, but my dh wouldn't be able to do it without lots of preparation (yet)

I've been racking my head as where to go and I keep coming back to cruises. Perfect for dh because of his disability, lots of lounging around, good food and entertainment and we could do excursions and see some of the cities.

But dd refuses point blank to go. It would be around the med so really calm and I've told her she could catch the sickness bug anywhere.

What would you do. Make her go so dh and I can have a nice holiday though she might be in a sulk
Give in and go somewhere else. Where we are all sort of happy

I know .... what a problem to have!.
My head is saying make her go she's being unreasonable as a cruise is perfect for dh and he works hard and struggles every day. but my heart is saying I'm being unreasonable making her go on something with an irrational (to me at least) fear

OP posts:
00100001 · 02/08/2018 07:43

Just go to an all inclusive somewhere. Then dhcan stay on resort and you two can go and visit places etc.

It's the same as a cruise really without the sickness

Silvercatowner · 02/08/2018 07:44

I would never have forced my kids to do something that was meant to be relaxing and lovely, that they clearly had hated and would dread. Feel sorry for your DD - if you do end up 'forcing' her you may well kiss goodbye to an ongoing relationship with her.

RageAgainstTheTagine · 02/08/2018 07:46

I wouldn't. But, maybe leave the ball in her court? Get her to google up some ideas? Watch some YouTube cruise guide videos too, the sheer luxury and wonder might bring her round Smile

BigBairyHollocks · 02/08/2018 07:50

No I wouldn’t,a holiday is meant to be something to look forward to,not dread.Find another compromise.

jeanne16 · 02/08/2018 07:52

She will probably only go on holiday with you for a few more years. Choose somewhere you will all enjoy and save the cruises for when she is older.

longwayoff · 02/08/2018 07:53

Sick twice and you want her to do it again? ?????? YABU

FreshEyre · 02/08/2018 07:54

I wouldn't make her, it sounds like the recipe for a terrible holiday with a grumpy teenager.

Can she come up with some other suggestions though that work for DH.

PurpleWithRed · 02/08/2018 07:54

Who is the holiday for? Can she stay at home with a friend? No way would I want to drag any of my loved ones somewhere they don’t want to go for a holiday. You don’t have that many holidays together left before she grows up and alone, if you want to spend quality time with her do something she will have a happy memory of.

negomi90 · 02/08/2018 07:56

A 13 year old should behave but they are very capable of not behaving.
Never under estimate the power of a teenager to wreck something. In your case, if you make her go on a cruise she could make your life hell and you may not have the lovely holiday you wanted.
Go to new York and take cabs and transport places or rent a mobility scooter, go to another city and stay at a resort in the edge where you can dip in and out as needed.
Alternatively go on the cruise but give your dd the option of not going and staying with relatives.

Yogagirl123 · 02/08/2018 07:57

I can see both sides OP. I am a mum to two DS 17 & 15, I am also disabled (MS). So I know it can be difficult to book suitable accommodation etc.

But I have to say to “make” your DD come, could lead to a miserable holiday. Teenage behaviour can be challenging at the best of times I know!

Two options, leave DD at home with a relation and enjoy a cruise as a couple, or look at alternatives that DD may like, villa holiday with private pool and eat out? Many are suitable for disability.

Good luck OP I hope you reach a compromise, and have a lovely holiday whatever you decide.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/08/2018 07:57

No I wouldn’t make her go. Go with your DH in 4 or 5 years when she can stay at home.

Do something else for now that she’ll enjoy doing with you.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 02/08/2018 07:57

Please don't make her go (unless you want her to hate you!)

At 13 she knows her mind and if she gets seasick it will be miserable for her

adaline · 02/08/2018 07:58

Why on earth would you force your child to go on a holiday that would make her miserable?!

serbska · 02/08/2018 07:58

Can you and DH do the cruise, then you and DD do NY?

cariadlet · 02/08/2018 07:58

I think you're being very harsh and unkind to your poor dd. Her main memories of the previous cruises are being sick. No wonder she's dreading the thought of another one. I think you've got the danger of an unhappy girl rather than one "in a sulk".

You've got years of holidays without her ahead of you. Plenty of time for cruises then.
I think that this year you should all sit down together and find a holiday that all of you will enjoy.

speakout · 02/08/2018 08:00

I wouldn't force her- that's a horrible thing to do.

As other have said there are alternatives- a good all inclusive hotel which provides all amenities and entertainment.

GinIsIn · 02/08/2018 08:01

I’d rather go to Hades than on a cruise myself, and your DD has perfectly valid reasons for not wanting to go - why are you dismissing them? Pick an AI resort somewhere instead.

Sirzy · 02/08/2018 08:03

I love cruising however given the twice she has been she has been ill it’s not hard to realise why she won’t want to do it!

Surely there are other options suitable for everyone?

Babdoc · 02/08/2018 08:04

I’d go for a hotel on land, but with lots of interesting excursions in easy reach. DH could stay at the hotel if his mobility is still problematic. There should be lots of activities for teens based at the hotel too.

That way, you all get a nice holiday, and you don’t store up resentment from DD for the future. Cruises can wait until you and DH are retired and childfree!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/08/2018 08:04

Personally I love a cruise but can see why she’s reluctant. It’s not nice being sick and she’s had some bad luck. I’d go for a static AI holiday this time.

If you do decide on the cruise, the Med is really calm so she won’t get seasick but Stugeron are great for seasickness and I always take them just in case.

sashh · 02/08/2018 08:08

A cruise is my idea of hell.

Could dd stay with a relative? Or go on a children's holiday?

MissCharleyP · 02/08/2018 08:09

There is no way I’d consider not going to New York, it’s my favourite city on Earth! A cruise would be my worst nightmare - like being in prison but I’d be paying for it and haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t think it’s much of a holiday for your DD tbh.

tenterden · 02/08/2018 08:09

No way would I force her to go - are you going to handcuff her or something? Confused

Just go somewhere that suits all three of you.

Or can you afford two separate holidays? NY for DD and a cruise for you and DH?

ilovesooty · 02/08/2018 08:10

She's afraid she'll be sick. Making her go sounds cruel to me.

Sparkletastic · 02/08/2018 08:12

No it doesn't like a suitable or fun holiday for DD. Agree with others saying she won't be holidaying with you for much longer. All inclusive with interesting day trips sounds like the best compromise.